Jackson Family

Thomas

2012-01-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

So I'm gonna say(for whatever reason i feel like i have to do this, i don't know, but whatever) this post is intended for my kids...i don't write this to put it out in the world, but i write it so that maybe one day when they are going through a trial or challenge or whatever that they might look back on the thoughts their mom had. and maybe they can be better at understanding than I am...one can hope. But if you happen to read this blog, and are not one of my kids, and read this anyway, and say you get to the end and are judging me cuz I am sharing some kind of dark thoughts I have had, go ahead and judge, but realize, I am not writing this for anyone but myself and my kids. Alrighty then,

back in august, Bennie came up to me and out of the blue said, "there is a baby in heaven coming to our family soon." i kinda looked at him with I'm sure a funny expression on my face, and replied, "there better not be!" he looked at me and with his sweet little kid voice said, "well, there is." now I'm not one who takes much of what my kids say seriously, cuz most of the time my kids are being goofballs, and in my mind i thought, maybe he is talking about Joshy..so I asked him, "what baby are you talking about?" He replies very sincerely but very irritated that i even had asked him, "the one in HEAVEN!" then he went running on his way to his next self-made adventure. i thought about that for a second and thought, crazy little kid, as if, haha. then i sent my mom a text, thinking she would get a kick out of such a ridiculous thought.
skip ahead a few weeks, end of august-ish, i had been working my tail off to get back in a healthy physical condition after having my 5th little child. My routine was to wake up, do some yoga for about 15 minutes, run for about 45 minutes before coming home, saying a morning prayer, taking my daily vitamin, jumping in the shower,getting ready for the day, eating my cereal/fruit while reading my scriptures, then proceeding with the madness of feeding the masses breakfast, starting laundry, getting everyone where they needed to be, taking care of my baby, yada yada yada. So running is therapy for me...its a time when i meditate and kind of commune with my Father...it makes me feel strong and makes me have a mental clarity and focus that i dont feel unless i exercise. after i run, i am aware of my physical body a lot more, and appreciative of the miraculous thing that the human body is, and consequently try hard to only fuel it up with the things that i know to be good for it...so running is good for me. that said, i have my joshy...he is not a sleeper, and at this point in time i was getting up with him several times in the night, so to get out of bed to go running was difficult cuz i was just wanting sleep but knowing how much better i feel with exercise than without, i would force myself up.
so end of august, i got back from running one morning, and as i was getting ready for the day felt so extremely nauseated. i don't usually get nauseated unless i am pregnant, so i was freaked out for a minute before my brain rationalized that hey, i was using a very reliable type of birth control, so this must just be a flukey morning.
next day same thing happened, and by the end of that week after i hadn't been able to keep anything down, had bought a pregnancy test just to have a starting point( meaning i knew i wasn't pregnant, but i had to figure out what was making me feel so sick so i could decide if i needed to get appt with my dr, and knew that the question always arises when talking to a dr so i wanted to make sure my bases where covered)
Guess what? Most pregnancy test say to wait for a few minutes before reading them..I didn't have to wait even 5 seconds- 2 bright pink lines, bold as could be. My mind started into a panic mode, but somewhere the voice in my head was saying...totally a fluke- I cant be pregnant..I'm PREVENTING...besides, I have a baby, and even though life is blessed, it's so dang overwhelming right now, so there is NO WAY Heavenly Father is gonna send me a baby NOW, hahaha, right?
So I took another test, and another. Same result each time, and the nauseatedness got worse and worse. And i could no longer run. goodbye mental clarity and any sort of feel goodness endorphins previously experienced. you shall be greatly missed.
Now my mom is my go to for all things female issue related. She has been working at an ob/gyn office for many many years and not only that- she has brought 7 kids into this world---so she is my expert on all things like the like. So she kinda freaked out with me for a minute cuz she also knows that there were some scary things going on with my delivery with Joshy, and she knows that when I had Kylie and Ty who were barely a year apart, my body (and my mind to be honest) took a hard hit. And she knows all the risks and complications from having 2 pregnancies so close together, especially considering all my previous history...so she gave me her words of wisdom, tried calming my mind down as stress never does much good for me, especially when pregnant, and I'm sure she knelt down right after we hung up and prayed for me. She is spiritually awesome like that.
Funny enough, like a week or 2 later, my sister had the feeling I was pregnant..I hadn't talked with her in a while, but as she was over at my moms and was kind of asking how my little fam was, the idea kinda popped into her head. Hows that for sisterly in-tuneness eh?
Ok, so back to me,- um let me try to describe my thoughts/feelings/whatever.

TOTAL FREAKOUTNESS.

I'm thinking there is no way I can do another baby. I very clearly remember how challenging it was having Kylie and Ty only a year apart- and they were the only 2 I had- I now have 5 kids-my youngest wont even be a year old based on the assumption I was only 4-5 weeks pregnant when I took the dang test-(it is more likely I was further along than that though)- but yeah, I cant even keep on top of things now, there is no way I can do another baby. Babies, wonderful, blessed, sweet, heavenly as they are- are challenging- the communication(meaning- why are you crying little one, you've been fed, burped, you're clean and dry, you just had a nap, and I'm swaddling you, so why why why are you crying?) can sometimes be a bugger, the lack of sleep is a killer, the fact that that one person depends on you for EVERYTHING gets overwhelming at times. Yeah, um, this just cant be.
I think I spent a good 23 hours out of 24 hours a day, for several weeks in overwhelming nauseated tears. And to be honest, I was kind of ticked with Heavenly Father. How could he do this to me? He knows that my hands are beyond full right now. He knows I am barely making it through each day. Or does He? I honestly started to wonder. But then once I really got to pondering, I thought, since He has always known whats best for me, perhaps I just need to trust that this is part of his plan..maybe my baby Ashley whom I thought for sure was coming before I found out Joshy was indeed a boy, was needing to come now, even though i will find it challenging to be sure, but maybe i wont be able to have her in a few more years when i might think about it...maybe.
So i kind of decide to trust my Heavenly Father. He has never let me down before, even when i haven't understood things in the moment, I can look back and see how He has blessed me and how his plan is always far superior than the ones I conjure up...so ok, i can try trusting. and a small part of me was kind of excited thinking about my sweet baby girl, my little Ashley Noelle...I would see little girl clothes and smile, yet still in my gut was like, oh man, 2 babies...6 kids, um yikes!...but hey, this is whats suppose to be right? so i just need to trust. plus my baby girl is just gonna be so dang cute and sweet and I'm gonna have 2 daughters and Kylie is gonna get her sister! So yay. kinda.
Let me be honest...my emotions were all over the map, they would swing from i cant have another kid right now, to oh my sweet baby girl, back to i never wanted to be pregnant again for as long as i live cuz i hate this, to just trust in Him, back to hello- I cant even take care of everything now, there's no way no how I can do this again, to yay baby Ashley, we need another girl around here...back to FREAK OUTNESS....a lot of time was spent crying(hormones plus exhaustion from not sleeping cuz of my Joshy, exhaustion from being sick all the time, and just exhaustion from starting to grow new life inside of me..add all that exhaustion and hormonal craziness up, what you get is one crazy Kimmy)
So seeing as how I spent the last year getting all chummy with my ob in town, (that's not suppose to sound as weird as it does now that I just wrote that--) i had no desire to go see him again. So I postponed calling. And I postponed some more. And some more. I'm really good at procrastinating stuff. I really am. So anyway, my mom was on my case all the time, and finally i decided i better just bite the bullet and make that dang 1st appointment and make sure my baby girl was ok.
This is like the week before Thanksgiving. I go to the office. My dr is shocked that I am pregnant, and i kinda get on his case saying, hey pal, you wouldn't give me the IUD, and he says, well i didn't think you really wanted to use it again after it preforated through your uterus last time(remember what fun that was, ha)- anyway, i told him when i took the pregnancy test, and he measured the fundal measurements, and then they did an ultrasound...based on that u/s he thought i was around 17-18 weeks along, but wanted his tech to do another measurement in 2 weeks. I jokingly/eagerly asked if he could see that all too familiar boy part, and with the answer to that one little question, any kind of excited feeling i had about my baby girl on the way was crushed under the disappointing shock i felt when he said, "um yes, it looks like that's it, right there, ......no,... wait.... yep.... it looks like this is a boy! Congratulations!"-----

............after what seems like an eternity later I'm walking out to the car. I get in, and immediately start bawling. My body is shaking in disappointing disbelief.

And my heart turned to stone.

Ok Heavenly Father...I wanna know WHY?

Never mind, I don't want to talk to you right now. I'm mad.

But WHY?

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS.......
SO WHY?

DANG THE DEVIL!

DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL?

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

NEVER MIND, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU....

this followed by huge waves of GUILT..........
guilt, guilt, guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilty guilt guilt guilt!!!!

I swear I'm like schizo or something cuz one part of me is like, trust...trust..... He knows best....a healthy baby boy is still a blessing.......the other part of me is like.....no way....i cant do another boy----that will be 5---- i NEVER wanted this-- i DON'T want this--- this ticks me off--- this isn't MY plan---- another part of me is like, you are the worst person in the world, you know that right? do you not realize there a so many many women who would give almost anything to carry a healthy child...they could care less about the gender--- they just want a healthy baby and cant and suffer so much, and yet here you've been "blessed" again, and you are carrying a child of god within you and you say you don't want it--- you are the worst person in the world Kimberly Noelle--and the other part of me is still trying to process it all...still in shock... and yet another part of me is like...hmmm does that mean there is no baby Ashely....or does that mean i have to yet be pregnant one more dang time...no...i refuse.... i am getting a hysterectomy or something.......... and Daniel will be getting a snip snip too!!!! cuz i am NOT EVER being pregnant again. I'm NOT EVER going to have 7 kids. EVER. i only wanted 4 anyway...2 girls 2 boys...but what about baby Ashley? am i just not in tune at all? am i just making her up, or do i really have a daughter waiting...........um ok..Kimmy#5 we are gonna say goodbye to you cuz we cant even think about that for right now.. or ever... so um be gone..or however we get rid of you.......
Then i compose myself slightly, text Daniel and tell him how I feel(that was a LONG text!) and then call my mom. She was busy at work, so I only got to chat for a minute, but again, I know for a fact once we got off the phone she said a prayer in her heart for me.

And for the next 2 weeks i cried. And cried. And cried. I felt guilt, I felt angry. I felt so disappointed. I felt a small part of me say, maybe the u/s was wrong. But mostly I just felt mad.

And i stopped reading my scriptures. and i stopped talking to my heavenly father. and i just cried. and cried.
I thought if I had a miscarriage, I wouldn't care. I don't want a boy. and i felt so much guilt for even thinking such a thing. and i thought, maybe i should give this baby to a family who wants a baby, cuz i certainly don't want another baby boy. and again i felt guilty about that. and i thought how can any good mother not want a child...poor kid....not to be wanted...yeah, I'm the devil. I'm one evil person. guilt, guilt, guilt, bad feelings, bad thoughts, lots of guilt, anger, disappointment, guilt, guilt, back to anger, sadness, guilt...ya, you get the picture....

and all of this is going on during the most wonderful time of the year--- so i was mad that during my favorite season, I'm mad at my Heavenly father cuz i feel like He doesn't know best for once in my life, and that this was not my plan, so how could he do this to me, and again, why give me another dang boy. heck, i love my boys. they are so dang funny. but i have MORE than my fair share of them. I don't want any more. geez.....

it was a dark 2 weeks.

then i went in for the other u/s. Daniel came with me. I was more prepared, but still felt disappointment when he too, clearly saw the boy parts.

So I spent a lot of the next month feeling the same feelings.

But patiently, my Heavenly Father has been waiting to help me. He calmly let me throw my temper tantrum. He let me be mad, he let me push away when i should have been closest to Him....but He waited..... until I was ready. And when my heart started to soften, He was there. And he told me, like he has so many times before, "Trust in me." And yes I did get a little admonishment..but it was with a gentleness that i needed cuz He also knew that all the while i was filled with guilt for feeling the feelings I felt. And to be honest, there are still dark days, still dark thoughts. I'm still trying to fully get out of my dark abyss.....but instead of just wallowing in it, I'm working my way out of it. and it is hard. i don't like being pregnant. I do realize it is a miracle and a blessing to carry life inside oneself, but it also takes the life right out of me and i don't like feeling so sick and tired and i don't like hurting, and that's all the past 26 weeks have been- hurt and sick and tiredness.
But I have a friend. i have a friend who has felt what i feel...and interestingly enough He is the only man who can somehow understand what pain i am talking about... He has forgiven my dark thoughts, and has been quietly encouraging me to "trust." And knowing that He has been through far much worse than my stupid thoughts, I know I can trust Him. Even if this baby isn't my girl. Even though this baby is yet, another boy. Even if this baby means i am gonna be so overwhelmed and cant even begin to fathom how i can raise one more especially right now when i have a baby still.... I can trust in Him being with me to help me...He has always been there..even when i have pushed away...He has waited with patience and understanding and has been there to wrap his arms around me as soon as Ive let him in.
So to you my little Tommy-boy, I am so sorry I thought I didn't want you. I really do. It has just taken me some time to get there cuz I'm ... I'm really just so overwhelmed. But hey, I am gonna try my hardest to take care of you, and your many many brothers and your sister, and you are already so loved. And once you make it here in oh,12- 13 weeks, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life showing you just how much!

Hiatus

2012-01-09T16:48:00.000-08:00

I am the worst at keeping up with my record keeping lately. I am actually the worst at everything lately. But maybe one day, my kids will be grown and then I might look back and might (yeah right) miss the overwhelming chaos that has consumed all my time and energy from this stage in my life, but since I have a few minutes right now I figured I would write a quick update before 2012 turns to 2013.
So thanksgiving was great. We stayed in town and did our own little family feast. My rolls turned out splendid, we had fresh green beans from our garden, and the turkey was totally not dry. Unfortunately I decided to try a new recipe for the seasonings of the turkey and the famous foodie blogger whose recipe I used likes garlic a heck of a lot more than I do, so it was not my fave flave. Next year, I'm going back to my own recipe--garlic free.
December was a whirlwind. I turned another year older, unfortunately not wiser. I took Toast to his school Christmas program and grumbled the whole time. Daniel took Kylie to hers the next night, but they actually played hookie instead and went shopping and got some DQ. Next year I am TOTALLY DOING THAT!

Daniel had a company party in Tucson, so our super awesome friend babysat the oldest 4 overnight here, and my darling sweet cousin watched the baby for us there(in Tucson). We were planning on having her just watch him while we went to the party, then we were gonna pick him up later that night, but she and her husband insisted we leave him as he was gonna be sleeping anyway. I warned them he isn't a sleeper...but we have been trying to let him cry it out cuz I am at the point where I cant do it anymore. Getting 6 hours of sleep in 2- 3 hour intervals if I am lucky does nothing good for me. I am not on top of my game, the daily headaches are KILLER, and the exhaustion has made me the grouchiest mother alive. Seriously, Joshua doesn't sleep. The longest stretch of time that he has gone for was almost a 6 hour stretch way back in August. Since then, he has reverted to the waking up every 2-3 hours. And so the end of November after I physically couldn't do it anymore, we started to let him cry it out at night. He still wakes up every night at least 2 times and cries for an hour, but I'm hoping eventually he just sleeps through the night. Its not like he is needing to eat anymore..the little guy has chubs, so why exactly he cant sleep through the night is beyond me, but for now, this is what I am doing cuz I gotta survive somehow, even if that means I am a mean mommy who lets my poor little guy cry his heart out for me at night and i just let him. anyway, so I told my cute cousin, that he wakes up and cries and cries but that we just let him cry,but if he woke up, to let us know and we would come get him.
The party was fun. I have some interesting observations from that night, from the way people act when they drink, to the way people dress up-(why do so many girls think dresses that barely cover their behinds nor their "bubbles"(as my kids call female bosoms) can possibly be a good look for anyone??? it was cocktail attire, but most every female i saw was dressed more like she was at a strip club or something similar- the so called "in-fashion" styles just don't make much sense to me. personally i would feel so dang extremely self conscious and sooooo uncomfortable in the dresses most ladies were wearing...but i guess that's just me and my little Mormon girl self coming out.) but i will just say, I am thankful that alcohol, and the nonsensical things of the world aren't a part of my life. But again...perhaps it is just cuz i see the world through my mormon-view glasses.. Anyway, the company had some raffles that went on until midnight, so after that we went up to our room and crashed.
The plan was to pick up Joshy before my cousin had church, but she called at 10 as they were getting ready to head to church and her call is what WOKE US UP..............AT 10 AM!!!!!!! Since we didn't have our usual alarm clocks(aka the baby and the other rascals of ours) and since the room had black out curtains, and since we haven't slept for a solid block of time since......uh.....i cant even recall the last time I slept through the night...um maybe like since ever i guess, we had slept right on through the morning hours. My darling cousin was so sweet about it, and they just took Josh to church with them, where we picked him up once we got showered, dressed, packed, and navigated our way to their church building. I had totally thought we would be home before our other rascals got home from church, but our "little"(haha) sleep-in threw that plan off as well as we had to drive back here from there, so our poor babysitter here had to be with the munchkins longer than planned too...but she was so sweet about it as well. So yeah, it was a fun little getaway, but didn't go according to the plan. And Daniel and I will forever be indebted to my cousin, her husband, and our friend Brooke.

Christmas was wonderful. We drove up to my parents home like we do every year. It is a horrendous long drive with 5 kids, one of whom is a baby who hates being strapped down in a car seat, but Daniel does it for me each year as he knows Christmas Eve is my most favorite day of the year and without my family traditions and without my mom and dad, that most wonderful day wouldn't be the same...so we drive and drive and drive..i think it is well worth it, but my Daniel has an itching to do our own thing down here at some point, but he loves me enough to make that sacrifice for me. he is so great. anyway Christmas day evening all of my siblings and their families got together at my moms. It was a mini family reunion. 56 if us all at my moms. it was chaos, but it was wonderful. We only got a couple days up there, but it was fun. Unfortunately it didn't snow...hopefully next year. :)
New Years Eve we celebrated with our traditional chips and homemade salsa, veggies galore, and our artichoke spinach dip. Followed by our homemade ice cream bar. This year we bought some fireworks and did those with the kids around 9, then gave them their baths and got them to bed, then we turned on a movie for us, but my cute Daniel zonked before the clock struck 12..we must be getting old or something.

And now that the new year has started, and the kids are back in school, and my Jamesy finally started up with a preschool since he didn't start Kindee-garten in the fall like I was kinda hoping for, I am hoping this year I can find the right balance in my life that I kinda, more like completely lost last year. Honestly I'm betting that this year is gonna be shaking us more than we've ever been shaken before, but for right now, I'm not thinking about the ever closer months ahead...I'm trying to find my zen, my balance for the now...and when the other shoe falls come April...well....i can worry about that when that time comes. (haha..hows that for cryptic mom?) (and since you are the only one who really reads my blog now days anyway I will be writing THAT post sometime soon....maybe....) :)

blinking

2011-11-12T18:20:00.000-08:00

I blinked & somehow October sped on by.

So Daniel ran a half marathon today. I told him he should exercise in moderation- taking it to the extreme is insane in my opinion, but he did it, and has been suffering with a headache all day long. Poor guy. But he did it, so wooohoo to him. I wasn't going to go see him at the finish line cuz I really don't like taking all 5 kids any where by myself. They are more than a handful, but Kylie promised to help me look after Ben, we hooked Joshy up in the Bjorn, and Ty&James promised to be good, so we managed and got there and cheered our favorite guy on at the finish line. He has been super busy with work, and has lots going on there, so that is a good thing. He has been in the top 20 LO's for the whole company a few times now, & if he keeps that up for a full year next year, his company takes the top agents on a fancy schmancy vacation, so I'm liking the sound of free trip..(well free minus the babysitter we would have to pay mucho buckos to, to watch the little hooligans.) Daniel has been helping me keep our garden growing, and we finally have some fruits of our labors. Garden fresh green beans! Soooo exciting! Our tomatoes didn't produce much, and our peas got eaten by the bugs, but we still might get some cucumbers if we don't get colder than we've been for a little while longer.

Kylie has a totally awesome piano teacher right now, & she(her piano teacher) has her(Kylie) learning the hymns. Once Kylie mastered the one she was on, her teacher had her play it in primary for a little prelude music. She is working on The First Noel right now, and is suppose to do the same with that one in a few weeks. I think her teacher is brilliant. And so does Kylie.

Toasty -boy was baptized a few weeks back. He had both sets of grandparents come in to town, and his aunt Christie and her family, and we really appreciated having their support on that special day. He participated in the stake baptism and there were 4 other kids baptized that day, which the stake primary leader said was a record. His grandma Hall gave the talk on the Holy Ghost, and i think that made it extra special for him. I had 2 little fussy rascals to deal with, so I was in the very back of the room for the most part, so I missed a lot that was said, especially when he was confirmed, so I was bummed about that, but somehow, amid the 2 fussy little ones, I did feel the spirit, and I hope my Tyler-boy did too.

James& Ben keep me on my toes. A few weeks back they made it "snow" in the kitchen by dumping a huge bag of flour over every possible surface they could. I was thinking we were passed this stage, but just goes to show what I know. They keep me laughing though with all the funny things they say. Ben was mad at Kylie& Tyler one afternoon and stopped on his way out the back door to tell me he was " on his way to get his rebenge(revenge)" i had a good chuckle about that before I tried to remind him Jesus said we should forgive not seek revenge, but he ran around chasing his older siblings with a broom for a little while anyway. They all ended up laughing about it and were back in "the club" with no hard feelings, so it's all good.

Joshy is growing like crazy. He went from no teeth to 4 in a matter of 3 weeks. He has been teething forever, but they all broke through around the same time, so that's good. He is sitting by himself, crawling, rolling, eating up the wazoo& making us all laugh whenever he laughs. He also likes to squeak, instead of "talk" and we love it. The sweet boy hasn't slept through the night since August, so i am barely hanging on these days, and hoping somehow by some random miracle he starts sleeping longer. He takes 2 or 3 naps each day, and those are only 15 minutes, and then he is up at least 3 times each night, usually 4. I don't get it. All my other baby's were sleeping through the night and took at least hour long naps(usually longer) by this point, but Joshy wont stay asleep for very long. One would think he would be fussy all the time since he doesn't get much sleep (heaven knows these days that's how I am all the time) but he is really happy& good natured. I seriously love my baby. He started making fish faces a few weeks back, so we have nicknamed him "fishyface."

So that is my update, and chances are i wont be updating again til December, but since my main focus is survival I'm ok with that.

Favorite sound in the world!

2011-09-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

Happenings

2011-09-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

There are so many times a day when my kids do or say something and I think I need to write that down, but I never do and I quickly forget. I am having a difficult time staying on top of much of anything lately so the blog, as much as I want to record different thoughts or events or happenings going on at this stage in our life, just gets put on the back burner. And I usually feel guilty but I have decided to stop with the guilt and just do it when I can, whether it be once every few weeks, once a month or once every few months...just a long as i don't give up all together. That is my new goal.

So a few weeks ago, I was doing a million loads of laundry but had failed to notice there was a tare in a specific part of the washing machine which caused it to leak. Since I had piles of bedding and blankets on the floor in the laundry room, they absorbed the water and I didn't recognize the problem until the damage had been done. the leak leaked under the walls and went into the hallway where we have the laminate wood flooring, and man o man did it warp it and warp it good. blasted all. I really don't like it when things like this happen. And the good for nothing home warranty doesn't cover it, nor did they cover the washing machine, but Daniel being Mr Awesome, googled around and found out how to solve the problem without having to call a repair man and without getting ripped off for something that he ended up doing himself without it costing the bank. Now we just need to save up so we can replace the dang laminate, and hopefully convince the other Mr Awesome(aka my dad) to help us out with that one of the times we get lucky enough to have him come down here for a visit.

So I love veggies. LOVE them. And one of the things I miss about my beloved UT summers is the garden produce each year. anyway when we moved in we were a little behind in the AZ growing season not to mention I was very preggo and Daniel was super busy trying to figure out all the new system and stuff with his work. SO we didn't get my garden planted. But we had some friends over not too long ago and they had mentioned that they were getting ready to put in their garden for this next growing season, and Daniel, bless his heart, made the preparations happen so we finally have our own little garden. After years of being married, I am so excited that we finally are trying out our green thumb in this desert. I don't know much about gardening in AZ, but from what I have googled and read, hopefully our little garden will bring forth many fruits and we can have those fresh garden veggies that I have been longing for for 10 years! And its been so exciting to see the seeds we planted have sprouted! I cant even tell you how much joy this brings me! And its been so fun with the kids cuz they get so excited too. Bennie and James have been my little helpers in the morning when we go out to check on the progress and water it all.

My sweet Joshy boy has gone from being a great little sleeper to being a terrible one. He is up at least 2 times during the night and wont be pacified,and even during the day he isn't taking any decent naps. It is driving me bonkers as I feel like I am back tracking instead of progressing. I am not sure if it is cuz his little gums are bothering him as he is still teething, but whatever it is, these past 3 weeks have been brutal. I feel like a zombie and anytime I sit down, I have to fight to stay awake and my brain is getting that fuzzy feeling where i don't remember much or loose my train of thought a million times a day. Poor little dude. and due to the lack of sleep, I have been off my running routine and i was getting in a good zone there for a while but now I feel like I couldn't even walk those 4 miles even if I was able to drag my old bones out of bed before I absolutely have to in order to get the kids ready for school on time. Not cool. I need the mental clarity/ meditation that I get while running. Joshy has started with the baby cereals. I was hoping that would help him sleep through the night again, but nope. No such luck. He loves the stuff though. He gets so darn excited and impatient between each bite. (Oh and grandma, if Daniel can figure it out, there is a little video clip of him laughing that i will try to have him post on here for you.)

Kylie had her birthday a few weeks back, Ty has his next week, and James has his a little over a week after that, so we are in full birthday mode over here. We started the tradition a few years back where Daniel takes the kids out for lunch on their birthdays. It cracks me up how excited they get for that. They sure love any one on one time with that guy. Cant say I blame them though. I feel the same way!

And now I end. there was more that I was gonna write, but the baby has awoken from his way too short nap, so my times up.

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Busy

2011-09-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know how much time I have before my little one wakes up, but I'm gonna try to do a quick post to jot down some of our happenings.

A few weeks ago, James was climbing on the counter getting into one of the cupboards and fell and landed on the side of his head. James is my tough kid,and usually when he gets hurt, he hardly ever cries. If he is bleeding he'll come tell me he needs a band aid, but doesn't make a big deal of it. At times when something really painful happens, he still only cries for like a minute or 2, but is back to being his busied-bodied self almost instantly. So when he cried for a good 45 minutes until he cried himself to sleep, I knew he was hurting pretty badly. I wasn't sure what to do. so i just watched him and let him sleep--this is extremely odd behavior for James- he NEVER falls asleep during the day. i have to argue with him a million times over to get him to sleep at night. This kid doesn't like to sleep. but he feel asleep and woke up and cried and would fall asleep again and then wake up and cry and fall asleep and wake up and cry. After a few hours, he woke up told me he felt all better, but then 5 minutes later he puked and puked and puked. He proceeded to puke every hour or 2 for the next 24 hours. I had him take sips of vitamin water, just to keep some electrolytes in him, but everything kept coming up. We had our friend check him out cuz I couldn't decide if he should be seen, or even if there was anything the hospital could do, so I sought his medical expertise. He confirmed that he had a concussion, but since James wasn't disoriented and forgetting things, he said he would probably just keep an eye on him and if he started acting confused or disoriented, then to take him in. So we were up all night with the pukes and had to cancel our weekend plans cuz he was still puking that morning, but finally almost exactly 24 hour later, the puking stopped. He just went around sporting a colorful black eye for a little over a week. Crazy.
Kylie has started back in with piano. It's been a little while since she played cuz her teacher from last year had a baby in February, and due to all the craziness we had going on at that time, we just put piano on the back burner. But now that we've gotten into a new routine, an awesome new teacher ended up squeezing Kylie in and she and I are both very happy about that. Kylie wanted to have a birthday party this year, and since she's only had one other friend bday party in her life, I figured I better let her while the parties are fun and easy. my baby girl is turning 9 next week. it kind of blows my mind to think about that. Anyway Kylie has a little knack for planning and organizing things. So she planned most of everything and i think it ended up being really fun. She chose an ice cream theme and had games and activities and treats all tied into her little theme, and even her little treat bags to give to her friends were filled with ice-cream themed knick-knacks. It makes me laugh cuz I am soooo not like that. I don't pull things together in such an organized connective way, so I'm wondering where this little part of her came from. oh i love my girl!
Bennieboozie has just been growing up so much lately. at the end of each day Daniel and I just get such a kick telling each other things he has said or done. we honestly adore this little kid. When I get home from running in the morning, he is the only one usually awake, and he runs up to me and as he is giving me a hug, in his cute little voice says,"good mowning mommy!" I seriously live for that little greeting. It is so freaking cute cuz his whole face just lights up and his little voice just melts my heart. If I had to choose one word to describe my Bennie, it would be "delightful."
Toast has been learning cursive in school and man do I love his handwriting. It is better than mine-(which isn't hard to be better than, my handwriting is chicken scratch). But yeah, his handwriting is just looking awesome. He has been into writing his own stories and illustrating them lately. This kid has some awesome illustrating and writing skillz! His birthday is a little short of 2 weeks after Kylies, and he is looking forward to being 8. But since his b-day falls in that last week of the month, and since Conference is that 1st weekend in October, he has to wait until November to be baptized. He is kind of disappointed, but I told him he gets to go to cub scouts and doesn't have to wait a month for that, so he is looking forward to starting that.
Joshy is just growing so darn fast. He has been teething for a few weeks, and soaks his clothes all day with his drool. I'm hoping those teeth break through soon cuz Daniel and I can both tell his little gums are bothering him. Poor dude. He had his 4 month well check and is at 13 lbs. Little chubba bubba. That's like 2 lbs a month, so he's right on where he is suppose to be. He is at such a fun stage, minus the teething, and is so smiley and laughs all the time and talks his little sounds. He has been scooting himself when he does tummy time, so I'm thinking this kid is gonna be one pro-active kid. He will start at one edge of his blanket and end up on the other side in a matter of a few minutes cuz he pushes his little feet against the floor and scoots his way along. He is a strong little guy, no doubt about it.
I have certain traditional baby pictures that I do with all my kids, and i had his done when we were up in Utah this summer, but when we got home, I noticed the direction and the background weren't the way I wanted, so we went to San Diego for a quick trip and redid them. I love the way they turned out. His little personality just shines through.
James and Ben have gotten back into their mischievous routines-(i thought we were finally getting past that stage, but I thought wrong)- and last week when I was putting the baby down for his nap, they were playing quietly with their army men, but when I came out-(seriously like 15 minutes later) they had dumped several containers of salt ALL over the house---seriously in every room and down all the hallways and all over the kitchen.It was a MESS! I asked them what in the world they were thinking, and they told me their army men need some sand. Nice. That was so not fun to clean up especially considering I had already cleaned the house from top to bottom earlier that day.
So I teach in young womens in our ward. Honestly I am a terrible terrible teacher, but I do really love the girls in our ward. Anyway I had planned my lesson a few weeks ago, and had made some cookies to go along with a little story. We are the second ward to meet on Sundays, so I couldn't put the cookies in the yw room as the other ward was in there, so I put them and my lesson stuff in the kitchen, and then went to get them right before yw started. I had made lots of cookies so that each girl could have several if she so cared to, but when I got into the kitchen, someone had been into the kitchen, decided to check to see what was hidden under the foil covering my heaping plate of cookies, and decided to help themselves. I was kind of ticked but was laughing cuz who does that? "oh look, here's a foil covered plate behind a basket full of obvious lesson material, I'm gonna go ahead and check someone elses stuff out. oh look, it's a heaping pile of cookies, I'm going to stand here and eat a good portion of them and hope whoever put them here doesn't need them, or notice that i ate over half of them." i mean really...who does that?

Thursday afternoon, our city and several other city's in the surrounding area lost power. And of course we are in September so the temperatures are still high above the 100 degree mark. I think we were around 113 that day, so to lose the power means no a/c and no fans. Not cool. Our house heated up really quickly. Since it effected the entire town, Daniels office was also without power, so he finished up with a client by flashlight, but couldn't do anything without lights and his computer after that, so he came home. That was awesome to have him home earlier than usual, but by then we were all starting to feel the effects of a hot house and no relief in sight. Daniel quickly went through our 72 hour kits and got flashlights and candles so we would be able to have a little light when the sun went down, but there was nothing we could think of for dinner that didn't involve heating it up, so our kids had chips and salsa. awesome dinner i tell you. geez. anyway we gave the kids their baths by candlelight, and then tried to get them to sleep but they were all pretty grouchy and our house was well into the 90 degree temps and that's so dang hot to try to sleep with. Daniel decided to make a quick trip to the store to get some ice so that we could try to keep our refrigerated food from spoiling, but said he couldn't even pull in to the parking lot cuz it was completely crammed with cars, and people. But thank the heavens, power was restored a little after 9 that night. I don't think I will be saying a prayer without expressing my extreme gratitude for power and a/c ever again!

and my baby just woke up, so i end.

10!

2011-08-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

So Daniel and I celebrated our 10 years of wedded bliss last week, and were able to have a quick little weekend getaway to Park City. We got to my moms on Thursday, and then got to go to "my temple" on Friday morning, then headed up to our favorite hotel in park city that afternoon, and since I was in desperate need of some new running shoes we hit the outlets and did a little shopping. For some reason someone/where was having a celebration that night and had a lovely display of fireworks, so Daniel and I decided it was really just for us. so thanks Park City for the fireworks! ha.
I was planning on taking my Joshy with us, but Daniel was NOT thrilled about that as he feels I tend to neglect him when I'm tending to my little guy, so we had my sister-in-law watch him, (my mom had the older 4) and that night/morning we ended up sleeping in until 10- I don't know that I've slept in that late since...ever. but we both just zonked and zonked hard. But once we got up we decided to have a late morning run in the beautiful mountains, but after about 10 minutes we were dying from the dramatic change in altitude, so we went down to the gym instead. Awesome. After cleaning ourselves up, we grabbed some lunch and headed back to our room, and chillaxed on our balcony while reading some books. Can I just say I hate investing my time reading when the ending doesn't turn out to be happy. I want a happy ending in my story's. Ending on a depressing note just sucks the fun right out of reading, in my opinion. But even with a depressing book, it was relaxing just spending the afternoon with Daniel. That night brought with it the most awesome rain storm. Oh how I love rain. I wish Yuma would get some. Blasted monsoon season didn't bring the goods this year- just heat, no storms. Blah. So it was nice to have some up there. We had to drive back all day Sunday, but for once, we didn't make a wrong turn or have car problems, so we actually made it home before midnight. Wooohoo!
since coming back though, I am trying to come up with a good excuse/reason to get away again sometime soon. This desert heat just sucks the life right out of me. It's either that or my kids- or maybe a combination of the 2. ;)

Temple day

2011-08-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

On this day, 10 years ago, my cute sister had planned on taking me and my mom to have a little pre-wedding M.S.D (mom, sister, daughter) moment. Pedicures was the plan. But I hadnt seen my espoused Daniel in 2 weeks, and he was flying into SLC around the same time. My sister arranged to have her husband pick up my soon to be husband, but I told her I HAD to see him as soon as his feet touched down on Utah soil. She told me I was a little crazy, after all this would be the last time we would be able to have a little MSD moment as I was moving to AZ only to return on occasional visits, besides, I was going to have eternity with Daniel, so 30 minutes while Big D(her husband) drove him to meet up with me wouldnt be that big of a deal. She made a decent argument,but when it came down to it, I HAD to be with my Daniel. With out him I didnt feel complete. I was a bit of a goober, and still am, but 10 years later I still dont like being apart from my Daniel.

After i picked him up, we drove down to Provo to get our marriage license, then headed to my moms house to get ready to go to the temple.
This was the day I was going through the temple for my 1st time. I cant remember some of the little details of that day. I dont remember if Daniel and I drove with both my parents, or just my mom to the temple that evening. I remember a certain male cousin was trying to get me all weirded out previous to this day and told me something about being naked in the temple, so even though I knew he was trying to be funny with me, i was a little apprehensive with the "washing&anointing". Something I had kinda thought was gonna be really weird was indeed something really quite cool. I remember sitting with my mom in a small room with a few other young women and their moms,while the temple matriarch talked to us. I had the thought that when I was older in years and Daniel was retired, it would be pretty cool to be able to spend our days in the temple- kinda like this sweet lady was getting to do. I remember wondering were Daniel was at this point. Then I remember going into the next room, and having my mom, and sister, and some other relatives there, and across the aisle was my Daniel. I was so excited to see him. I remember my mom helping me with different things through out the endowment. I honestly chuckled to myself when I saw the "hats" the men wear. I confess, to this day whenever Daniel and I make it to the temple, I still chuckle to myself cuz I still think they are funny looking "hats". I remember Daniel taking me into the celestial room. I had been there once before during the open house of that temple, but being in there with my parents, some of my siblings, some of my relatives, and especially my Daniel, i felt joy.
When we came out of the temple, the sun was just starting to set, and the sunset sky was splendid! Then we went back to my moms for dinner. After eating, Daniel and I went down into my moms basement to play with a few of my nephews, but they eventually had to go to bed, so Daniel and I started making out and then to my complete embarrassment and awkwardness his mother came down and interrupted our kissing fest. Like i said, awkward!
A little bit later, I said goodnight to my Daniel and he spent the night with his familys friend who lived a few blocks over from my parents, and I went up to my room to finish packing all my stuff up.
I think I finally crawled into bed around 3 am, but there on my pillow was a treasured note from my mom, expressing her hopes and support for me in this new chapter of my life, and her love for me as her child. Oh how I cherish that letter.

So on this day, I look back and reminisce about that day 10 years ago, and am thankful for 1- my Daniel, and even 10 years later, when he isnt around I really dont feel complete..and as excited as I was to see him that day 10 years ago, I feel that same excitement when he comes home from work each night. 2- my sweet mother who has been helping me through lifes experiences then and now. 3-The sacred, beautiful, & eternal ceremonies and the abundant presence of the Holy Ghost found in the temple. I can honestly say that no matter what craziness may be present in my life at certain times, I have ALWAYS found peace and calm when I go back to the temple.

School Days

2011-08-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

Today is the 1st day back to school. I thought it was suppose to get easier each year, but as I dropped off my Kylie-girl and my Toast, I admit, I got emotional. I'm sending them off again, to spend almost 7 hours away from me every day. From meeting their teachers, I think things are gonna be ok this school year,but that's 7 hours where I'm not around to teach them,to help them, to encourage them, to love them. And as great as hopefully their teachers are, that's my girl and my boy, and i kind of feel like saying- do you understand how special my daughter is, do you understand how awesome my boy is- do you know that Kylie is so shy, and she has such a sweet heart, that she loves so unconditionally and expresses it in the form of little notes? do you know how smart she is? do you know how creative she is? Or how responsible? Do you know how funny my Ty is? Do you know he is a smarty pants too? That he excels when he feels confidence but when he is not confident he struggles to communicate that feeling, and just needs a little extra love and support? Do you know how imaginative that kid is? Do you know what a leader he can be?
I wonder if that's how our Father in Heaven feels, when he sends his little ones into this world. hmmm....

Time is just going by too darn fast-- Kylie no longer lines up on the same side of the school- now she is with the "big kids"- but that cant be cuz she is still my little girl. Can she really be a 4th grader?
I really didn't plan on spending my day wiping the tears away, but i just cant seem to help myself today. Can I still blame it on hormones? Good! ok, now wheres the chocolate?

priorities

2011-07-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

I decided I need to start blogging again. My baby is almost 3 months old, and time is not slowing down like I hoped it would, so I am making it a priority to keep a record of the stages in our life. I've become a facebook addict since Joshua was born, and get on there anytime I sit down to feed my boy, but have neglected my blog in the meantime. And as fun as facebook can be, its not my personal web space for my journal, so back to the blog I return.

Kylie and Toast finished up another year of school back in June. They both learned and grew in so many ways this past year, and I am proud of them. They start school in one more week, but I am not wanting to let Kylie go back. She has been my right arm during her summer vacation. She is gonna be one awesome mother someday. She is such a help with Joshy, and when I'm taking care of him, she is such an immense help with James and Bennieboozie. She is ready to get back though. She has complained of "being bored" at least 500 times this summer.

Toast has been really great this summer too. He comes up to me each morning and after giving me a hug he usually asks what he can do to help me. He is one of the main reasons the laundry gets put away after I get it washed. Otherwise we would be digging through mountainous piles trying to find clothes to wear each day. Toast has been into Calvin and Hobbes this summer. He'll be on the couch laughing to himself, and if I ask whats so funny, he'll go into a 5 minute description of whatever Calvin has been doing. Awesome!

James is on a waiting list with one of the charter schools down here to start Kindergarten. He has entered into the terrible awful stage of being a defiant little punk. Tyler, for the most part, has moved on from that stage, but James is right in the middle of it. Drives me batty! I wonder how other moms raise their 4-5 year old boys to skip over that stage. I'm doing something wrong but haven't been able to figure out exactly what that is yet. I keep trying to justify it, saying surely all 4-5 year old boys have a defiant little streak in them, but as I've observed lately, that's doesn't seem to be the case. James is an extremely strong willed kid. Taking away privileges doesn't help. Putting him in time out is a joke, cuz he gets out over and over and over again. I encourage his good behavior, and praise him and reward him with the good, but for the life of me I cant figure out what to do regarding the not so good. oh my little James. The little girl with the little curl must have been cake compared with my Jamesy. One sweet thing that he does each night though, is this little goodnight handshake with the baby. He gives him double high 5's, double stones, double hugs and double kisses. It's really quite sweet.

Bennieboozie is still my delightful little boy. He is hilarious. His little voice and his smile, and the way his eyes just light up, oh this kid has my heart. His favorite thing in the world is swinging. He doesn't care if it's 110 outside, he wants to go outside and swing. The first thing out of his mouth when Daniel comes home from work each day is,"Push me on da yewow swing,daddy!!!" and follows him around saying that over and over and over again until Daniel does it. He LOVES to swing. Bennie is so sweet with the baby too. Anytime the baby starts fussing Bennie goes over to him gives him a love and sings a primary song to him. My favorite is when he sings "I am like a star shining brightly." I just love my Bennie.

My sweet Joshy is just getting so big. I am kind of bummed that he is gonna be 3 months old next week, cuz I want to keep him as a tiny baby a little while longer. The newborn stage is my ultimate favorite. I love love love it. and even though I love the rest of the infant, and toddler, and subsequent preschool, kindergarten and other stages, and it is so great to see your kids grown and learn and comprehend and all that stuff, my most favorite is the newborn stage. I marvel at the itty bittyness of it all. The itty bitty toes, the little tiny fingers that he curls into a tight as can be fist, his little stretches, his little nose, and his tiny mouth. I cant kiss his little head enough. I love just holding him so close and having him fall asleep on me. And I honestly cant get enough of that new baby smell. Granted, the sleep deprivation is a killer,and my house doesn't get cleaned everyday anymore, but there is something so magical about a newborn. So yeah, I wish it would last a little longer, that time would slow down instead of speeding up. But he is laughing and smiling now and that always makes my heart happy too, so i guess I can allow him to get bigger.

Daniel is liking his new company, and is keeping busy. I don't know how I got so lucky to have this guy in my life but I am so grateful he is. I've noticed different guys who aren't really involved with their families, and it makes me sad, but grateful that I have my Daniel. He is so good to me and our kids. He spends his days working to provide for us,and comes home and helps me get the kids ready for bed. After he tells them their bedtime story, he takes Bennie to his bed and sings like 20 primary songs with him. It's one of my favorite things in this world. He recently got a new calling in our ward. He was the ward mission leader, and loved that, as he loves missionary work, but now is the executive secretary, so he gets to assist the bishopric. He has a few meetings before church, so I told him whatever slim chance we had to make it on time just got kissed goodbye. The kids and I probably wont be making it to church until its time for primary each Sunday, but that's probably a good thing to increase the level of reverence during the sacrament by not having the Jackson kids there. hahaha.

We have been mostly here in this blasted desert this summer, but did get to get out for a few days for my family reunion, and a few for Daniels family reunion. Utah summers are divine. And being with my family was wonderful. I really don't like living so far away and only being able to see them all once or twice a year. We had Joshys blessing while we were up there so we could have all my family there, and Daniels family was able to come to that as well, so that was nice. I missed hearing most of the blessing since my James refuses to be reverent for any prayer but at least I heard Daniel give Joshy the right name instead of changing it. :)
On our way home, our ac went out in the van, so that made for quite the adventure with 5 kids in 112 degree heat. At least the car worked and we got home- it could have been much worse.

For the record

2011-05-15T14:55:00.000-07:00

I dont know why I feel the need to put the disclaimer- but I use my blog as my journal, and I need some kind of record of my babys arrival into this world, so I put it here, not so much to entertain anyone else, but for my own history. So if you read my blog, you have been warned..this probably wont be interesting to you...but feel free to skim through the pictures!

So the last month of my pregnancy I stopped gaining weight and then started losing weight. At first the baby was measuring fine, but then he stopped growing too. My dr put me on a high calorie diet, but even with that I was still loosing weight. So 2 weeks before my due date, the dr ordered an u/s, and they diagnosed my baby with IUGR. I had the same thing with Ben, and he was fine, so I wasnt too worried. But even so, if your baby isnt growing it does cause some concern..even though I felt like everything was gonna be fine. Since my baby was in the 6th percentile, my dr said he wouldnt have to induce me right then, but wouldnt let me go over my due date, and again kept me on a high caloric diet. And then he ordered the bi-weekly NST's on top of the other weekly appts, just to keep a close eye on this little one.

The Sunday before my due date, we went to church as usual, and all throughout church I was contracting. Daniel offered to take me home, but since they werent close enough together, I figured what was the point...so we finished up with church and then the rest of the day I kept contracting but again, the contractions werent close enough together to indicate labor. That night though, I started getting contractions one on top of the other, but with each contraction my chest and arms started going numb. This freaked me out as I had something similar happen when I was in labor with Tyler and they found my potassium levels were "dangerously low" (since I had my first 2 pregnancies back to back and my body hadnt had a period of building back up, and then everything just went to my baby.) So when this happened I knew something wasnt right...but as it was 1 in the morning at this point I didnt want to call anyone and disturb them to have them come over so we could go to the hospital...but then with each contraction the numbing spread into my head and down my legs too. SO I had Daniel give me a blessing, and decided if I had another contraction I would bite the bullet and find someone, but if I didnt then I would wait until the morning...thankfully I didnt have any more that night, and was able to sleep for a couple of hours.

After getting my kids to school, I called the dr office and they wanted me to see one of the drs. I was scheduled for one of my NSTs at one, so they scheduled a dr appt right after that. The NST took 30 minutes, and then I had to wait for 3 flippin hours to see the dang dr. I explained what had been going on, and what I suspected since I had the same thing happen with a previous pregnancy. Anyway he checked me and I was at a 4..which I was surprised about cuz it's usually after I get to a 3 that things have happened quickly for me. But I hadnt been contracting since that previous night. Anyway the dr sent me to triage so they could run some tests. I quickly came home, found an angel of a friend to watch the kids, and Daniel and I got to spend several hours in triage.

Thankfully my dr was the one on call. They ran some blood tests, and the nurse came in, said my electrolytes were "slightly out of balance," and the dr wanted them to start an IV and keep it going all night...so they moved me to a room, Daniel left to get the kids, and I got to spend all night with an IV in my arm and a nurse coming in to check vitals every couple of hours...basically I didnt get much sleep.
Anyway around 4 in the morning my Dr came in and we had a nice little chat-(can I just say I hate being in a hospital gown, just waking up after not having had a decent sleep, not having brushed my teeth or having a shower or having my makeup on, and having to be "seen" by anyone. I'm so vain...but geez I felt really embarrassed.) Anyway he told me my electrolytes werent "slightly out of balance" but "crazy, scary out of balance." So what he wanted to do was stabalize me(meaning keeping that iv pumping stuff through my veins for a few more hours, then doing blood tests again, then if i was within a more normal range, they would start the pitocin and induce labor.

I let Daniel know the plan, and 2 of our sweet/gracious/selfless/thoughtful/generous/and oh so kind friends/cousins/neighbors,ward members took care of our kids again. One helped the 2 oldest get ready for school-(doing Kylies hair :)) and then picked them up afterwards and took care of them until later that evening, the other took the 2 youngest ALL day long after having had them for several hours the night before. I seriously cant imagine what we would have done without their help. It was seriously INVALUABLE!!!!

So Daniel got the kids dropped off, and came and spent the day with me in the hospital. Since it was a new day, my dr was no longer on call, and so I had another dr whom i dont really like instead, and the punk came in once for literally 2 minutes that morning to tell me he was the dr on call and that they would start the pitocin in 4 hours.(This was already after they did the blood test again and moved me to Labor & Delivery.) 5 hours later they finally started the pitocin, and they had it on the slowest dang drip. Daniel and I were both very tempted to crank that baby up and get some action going since we had been sitting around waiting all morning and now all afternoon long. Every hour or so, the nurse increased the drip, but even on a higher drip I wasnt contracting at all. At 5 pm, the Dr comes in-(he hadnt been in at all since that 2 minute visit in the morning)and decides to break my water. Finally! So he does that, leaves, and not even a minute later the contractions came strong and hard and right on top of each other. So not liking pain, and not knowing how long I was going to be in labor, I was able to ask for my epidural..(with my other deliveries, I had the epidural long before the drs ever broke my water, so for the first time, I was actually in tremendous pain during labor. I dont know how anyone ever survived without the epidural..or how some women dont get the epidural...LABOR AND DELIVERY HURTS LIKE HECK!!!!) So here I am contracting like a banshee, and the dr doing the epidural is like, "hold still, dont move," and I'm like yeah right- I am in PAIN here---but somehow we managed and my legs went numb, but the pain didnt go away-- I was expecting the numbness to take the edge off and was hoping to only feel pressure but not pain--but unfortunately I was "AT A 10" on the pain scale. So the nurse checks me--(this is 40 minutes after the dr broke my water) and I was at a 9-- so she calls for the dr, they get the other 2 nurses and they bring back my Daniel(they sent him out while i got the epidural) and my teeny tiny baby was born. I was thinking- geez if i had held on for 10 more minutes I wouldnt have to pay for that dang epidural that didnt work anyway. and why didnt the dr break my water several hours ago- I could have spent my afternoon holding my baby instead of lying on a dang hospital bed just "waiting."

First thing the baby did was pee on the dr. (I'm thinking- thats my boy- dang dr is gonna charge us a fortune and the nurse is the one who was taking care of us- he was just there to catch the little guy- i kid, i kid...kind of) and then I got to hold my precious baby. but then they took him away a minute later and did all his weighing and measuring stuff. He was 5lbs15 oz, 18 and 3/4 in long(he's my shortest one...(I'm hoping he gets his daddys tall genetics in his teenage years)) And he is just perfect; ten seriously tiny fingers--which are incredulously long for being sooooo teeny, 10 teeny perfect little toes, a sweet little mouth and a perfect little nose, big round eyes, a little bit of dark hair...and just the sweetest spirit one could imagine. Dang I love this baby.

Anyway after taking pictures, and just marveling at this new little life, Daniel went to get me some dinner-( i hadnt eaten for like 36 hours and was DYING for something to eat, and got the kids and brought them to meet the newest member of our family. They were all so sweet taking turns holding him. It was a very tender moment for me- being in that room with my little family...brought me to tears...of course my hormones were wacky given that i just gave birth a couple hours earlier- but it was a moment I will cherish always.
Daniel then took the kids home, and my postpartum nurse came in and holy moly was this lady a character. She very much knew this was my 5th baby as we talked about it, but she went through every single detail of childcare and recovery with me as if I had never done this before. She literally showed me how to change a diaper, how to check the babys temperature, how to burp the baby, how to care for the umbilical chord, how to nurse, and all sorts of other things-- she didnt leave my room until 2 am----and came back an hour and a half later to do vitals again! so by Wednesday morning I was beyond ready to get out of that hospital and get some sleep and get back to my routine, but the dang pediatrician wouldnt let me leave until 24 hours exactly, after time of birth arrived. Blasted all- so I had yet another entire day of no sleep, nurses and drs coming in and out, and then finally the hour arrived, and we came home.
my sweet Daniel had cleaned the house, and my sweet sweet friend had come over with the little boys the day before and had tied some adorable balloons to the chairs and had the cutest packages on the table-it was just a sweet homecoming.

We fed the kids and got them ready for bed, and then the falling aparts happened. They all loved the baby, but they all needed so much reassurance and at this point i was beyond wasted and my hormones levels were crashing and Daniel and I were feeling very overwhelmed... so that night wasnt too fun, but thursday was alright, Friday was ok, and Saturday my dear parents came to the rescue.
My mom has a herniated disc in her back, and has been in extreme pain this past month, and we werent sure if she was going to be able to come down, but miraculously things worked out and even though she still is in constant pain, it wasnt quite as severe as it had previously been. One of my awesome brothers ararnged to fly them down here, and we got spoiled for an entire week. My kids got so much love and attention, grandma helped with homework, and loved and held the baby, she took over so I could catch up on some sleep, watched the kids so I could get dr appointments and errands done, and even kept me up on my laundry and dishes-(even though I told her a million times not to) Grandpa helped fix a few things around the house, and helped us with our dang sprinkler system that we havent had time to figure out since we moved into this house, and played many a games with the kids as well. Their help got us through this past week, no doubt. But now that they are back home, and we are facing this week without them, I am starting to get a little panicky. Daniel and I think my mom should just move in with us for a while. :)
Anyway- this baby is just the sweetest little guy. He is so calm and peaceful. He has an aura of wisdom about him...Daniel was trying to come up with a name that tied into "wise one." :) The kids all love him and love holding him and giving him hug and kisses. I, too, love holding him and smelling him and just having him here. Truly his presence in our home and in our family has had a calming effect on me. The miracle of life never ceases to amaze me and strengthen my testimony that Heavenly Father is in charge, that He is aware, that He is brilliant, and that He is the source of life and of love. How grateful I am that He sent this one to me. How grateful I am that things went ok- the scary thing to me is that I could have gone into labor sunday night and could have suffered a heart attack with things being out of balance, and considering that I was at a 4 for over 24 hours and hadnt gone into labor but was able to get things stabalized before hand, I believe my Heavenly Father allowed me to have the time I needed to get things back in balance, and allowed things to work out for our family the way they did. It's pretty miraculous to me, and I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven for the miracles i have witnessed in my life. And I am so thankful that my sweet Daniel holds the priesthood and was able to use that gift at the time we needed Heavenly Fathers help.

And now I think it is safe to say this sweet baby boy finally has his name. He was gonna be Phineas, then Jaxon, then Matthew, but for one reason or another those names just werent for him, so after switching and discussing a million times over, we finally settled on Joshua Daniel Jackson. And man o man are we in love with him!

Mothers Day

2011-05-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

On this beautiful day, as I sit here holding my teeny tiny baby cuddled up on my chest, my heart is so full, that it's ready to burst. This year, so far, has been a bit of a whirlwind for our family. We bought our house, renovated(well mostly that was my dad, but we helped out where we could), moved in, Daniel switched companies with his work, we've been growing a baby, raising 4 other kids, and now here it is May and we are now a family of 7!
I have written posts about my feelings of adding another boy to our home, written how I questioned my Father in Heavens plan for our family...how the thought was overwhelming many, many, many times as we were expecting this little one.
But now that this absolutely precious boy is here, I honestly cant imagine loving anyone more. In the 5 days he has been alive, there has been such a peace and calmness that arrived in my usually anxiety ridden/OCD-ed heart. There is (amid the frustrations from everyone adjusting here and there(ie:fighting, whining, temper tantrums, basically just needing a little reassurance and love and attention)) a new feeling of love and a new little piece of heaven in our home.
And as today is a day devoted to celebrating the wonderful blessing of mothers/motherhood, my mind has been constantly drawn into a prayer of Thanksgiving to my Father in Heaven for allowing my pathetic weak self to have the blessing of having Kylie, Tyler, James, Ben, and now my sweet Baby Matty to be a mother to.
There are many nights before climbing into bed that I think "well today was a BIG FAILURE on my part! I yelled at the kids, lost my temper, overreacted to something stupid, spent too much time cleaning my house instead of playing games with my kids, too much time nagging about homework and not nearly enough hugs or "love yous!" But even so, I do try, ...each day I try to do a little better because mothering is the most important job to me in the world. There is absolutely NOTHING that I would rather be doing, even though it is so hard sometimes, so overwhelming, so under-appreciated, so worrisome, so emotionally involved, so draining, and sometimes even a little bit lonely, but it's also the most joyful, precious, hilarious, and sacred gift i can imagine.
These sweet children that have been sent to Daniel and I do seem to teach us more than we seem to teach them, but while they are in their youth, we are so grateful that we get to be the ones watching them learn and grow, being the ones who protect them, being the ones that try to teach them, being the ones that get to hold them, sing to them, celebrate with them, tuck them in at night and then yell down the hall for them to "STOP TALKING AND GO TO SLEEP!," the ones who grind our teeth when we've told them to stop tattling, or fighting, or wrestling, or told them for the seemingly millionth time to clean up that mess, yet also the ones who get the hugs, or the snuggles, or the "you re my favorite, mommy/daddy!" Really- how does life get any sweeter than the precious moments of mother&father-hood?
So yes, my heart is full today, and what makes it even more special is that for the first time since I became a mom, my own dear mother is here with me and my family today. As I watch her hold my baby, watch her talk to, play with, and love my kids, I have to hold back the tears. There are 3 constants in my life- the first being my Savior. The 2nd my dear mother, and the 3rd, my Daniel. I've written lots about how much i love, adore, appreciate, and sometimes even get frustrated with my Daniel. I have written a few posts sharing little parts of my testimony and love of my Savior. And I have written a post or 2 about my dear mom..but words really can't express how deep my gratitude/love/&admiration for this amazing woman goes. Like Ive shared before, she has this gift of loving..this perfect charity. Her testimony and faith has brought many miracles into my life, and the lives of my siblings. Her perfect mothering, her gentle encouraging, her never failing support... She is, next to the Savior, the most perfect example I have to follow. It is my goal to be the mother to my kids, that she has been and will always be to me. I don't know why I got so lucky, so blessed to have her as my mother, but again, I thank my Father in Heaven that I did/do.
And now that this post has taken me 2 hours to do..(since I'm doing it one handed as I have a sleeping tiny baby in my other) I think i shall finally lay him down and go take a shower. :)

Confessions

2011-04-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

Confessions:

1- I love my kids, but a 2 week long spring break is making me want to bang some heads together! who the fetch decided 2 weeks was a good idea? one would have been perfect. 2 is torture! my oldest 2 have been at each others throats a million times a day and I swear my blood pressure is skyrocketing. That cant be good for the baby. But since we reached the 100 degree mark last week, we did "cool off" (from the being at each others throat thing) by running through the sprinklers, and breaking out the inflatable pool. April and already 100 degrees. good ol AZ.

2- I still cant force myself to gag down my nasty iron pills, and honestly this is what I have every night for dinner-

yup a giant bowl full of shaved ice- no syrup- just the ice. And i have taken to climbing into the shower and sniffing the drain cuz for some reason it smells like dirt and I am sooooo into that smell- but now I am craving the smell of paint and was outside sniffing some spray painted wood yesterday- DON'T JUDGE ME! This has got to stop. I don't know that i can last 4 and a half more weeks with this craziness! in my head I know it's crazy- but I'm like totally obsessed with certain smells. Daniel thinks I should just start chowing down on some red meat- but that's even worse than the stupid iron pills.
3- I'm going on no sleep- I am so dang exhausted, but this baby is extremely active at night and i cant sleep with my ginormous preggo belly moving up down and all around. I admit- I like to feel him moving just so i know he is ok, but after about 5 minutes, when Daniel is snoring away and i want to be, but this baby is kicking, squirming, yogaing for what seems like all night- I get rather irritated. can this month just be over already?
4-I'm a bit of a candy -aholic. mostly it's with jr mints and/or yorks, but with all the Easter candy being around for the past few weeks I've become obsessed with jelly beans. until i ate half a bag in one day and felt so nauseated that i couldn't eat anything else for 2 days following-(anything except my precious shaved ice) now i cant even look at jelly beans without dry heaving. I don't think i will be eating jelly beans for the rest of my life.
5- I'm debating whether to start James into Kindergarten this coming fall. He misses the deadline by a little over a month for the school the other 2 go to, but there is a charter school that will let him start this year. He is ready to go- academically and socially- for the most part, but I don't know that I want him to be the youngest in his class. SO I'm not sure what to do. We started Tyler a year later cuz he was in the same boat, but he is so bored with school and has been all year cuz they are doing stuff he knew how to do last year. He and I are both frustrated cuz he hasn't learned much his year, and while his teacher has been great to try to give him extra work cuz she recognizes that he is ahead of the class, its not a good thing to have your kid bored with school and not really learning or progressing. He's gonna hate school- so I'm thinking if I don't start James and he goes the following year, he will be in the same boat as Ty is now- ahead of the class and he will get bored with it and hate school.. But if I start him, he will be the youngest and most likely the smallest.so what to do, what to do...
6-I haven't cleaned my house in 2 weeks- I've done maintenance, but haven't done my normal biweekly scrub downs. And i haven't changed the bed sheets in those 2 weeks either. I feel soooo terribly guilty about that too. But holy macaroni, i cant muster up the energy to get it done- especially since whenever I do scrub the house down, and change all the sheets I cant move the next day and am in excruciating pain and have severe braxton hicks that wont let up. I told Daniel we should hire a maid until a month after this baby is born, otherwise I don't think this house is gonna be scrubbed down until that time, and i might pull out all my hair cuz I really don't like feeling like my house isn't "clean." Ocd at its finest.
7- My sister in law is expecting their 2nd baby a couple months after I'm due. She posted her little teeny tiny preggo belly a few weeks back and honestly you can barely tell she is even pregnant. My mom was like, "you should put up a picture" basically so she can see how huge I am- but when I told her there was no way I was gonna put my picture up especially since I look like Gloria the hippo in comparison to my tiny sister in law, my mom replies with- "well she has 10 inches of height on you," as if that makes me feel better. But ya know- for being so dang short and pregnant - it really isn't fair- I have no torso room, so whatever weight i gain it looks so much more noticeable cuz it has no where to go but out- and speaking of which- why do people say "you are looking very pregnant"?? um obviously I am very pregnant so yeah i will be looking very pregnant being that i am very pregnant-- there is an actual human being growing inside of me- so yeah my belly is gonna be expanding- oh that comment just bugs me.of course everything bugs me... I'm freaking pregnant and hormonal and in this last month of miserable pressure and braxton hicks and sciatica and shortness of breath, heartburn, and headaches and exhaustion and no sleep and charlie horses and back aches and swollen feet and waddling around and completely stretched- aughghghg. seriously this month just needs to end so i can be done.
8- Daniel tried being sympathetic to my feelings of hugeness on Sunday and went around like this for a few minutes....

his intent was sweet, but i was of course thinking- a half pound ball of air that isn't punching into all of your internal organs, squirming around and kicking you, leaching everything from your body in the process, and having it continue to grow and expand for 40 weeks isn't anywhere close to what I'm going through, so thanks, but geez males just don't understand. He did however manage to make me laugh, and that is one of the things i love about my Daniel.
9- i hate the word "fart." Seriously. I hate it! I think its just a terrible ugly word. But for the past few months, my boys have been saying it- and i have been so irritated and trying to figure out where they heard it from cuz Daniel doesn't say it, and i don't say it and Kylie doesn't say it. so i assumed Ty heard it at school and used it in front of his brothers so they were all saying it- but then we were all watching despicable me the other day and it became very clear that they got that ugly word not from Ty, but from that silly little movie. perhaps i should be grateful that at least it wasn't any even uglier word.

and finally 10- I have never been a fan of oatmeal. Makes me gag. but with this pregnancy I have had oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast. for some reason i thought it was the best thing ever. until a few weeks ago. and now i cant stand it again. just the thought of it gives me the heeby jeebies. gross and ick! So I'm thinking- maybe the fact I'm sick of it is a sign I'm nearing the finishing line and can get back to my normal self soon. Technically 38 weeks is considered full term right- so that's only a couple weeks away. But then realistically I've never had a baby that early. They have been right around the 40 week "due date." so i don't think it would be wise to get my hopes up cuz that'll make the last two weeks drag even more miserably by. Seriously though, I am ready to be done. I feel like I've been pregnant forever and I just am ready to meet this little guy and hold him, and kiss him, and count his fingers and toes, and marvel at the miraculousness of new life. Plus I cant lie- I really miss my mom right now and knowing she is gonna come down after this little guys arrival- well I'm ready for her to come now. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom ya know.

Thinking back

2011-03-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated Bennie-boo's birthday. He was one happy kid all day long, and that just made me happy. And since I am such a slacker with zilch energy lately I didnt get any pictures. I'm terrible!!! But i wanted to write my thoughts on this little one of mine.

When I was pregnant with Ben,and found out he was a boy- I was slightly surprised cuz i thought i was gonna have a girl, and we would have 4 kids, and we would be complete. (But 3 boys was much easier to wrap my brain around than 4!) However, once we had our little Ben, I couldnt have loved him more. From day one this boy has been a snuggler. I seriously love that he still is. If he sees an open lap, he is there in a flash. He is my happy go lucky kid, He has brought such a sweetness into our home and I honestly cant picture our family without him.
Obviously I am pregnant with our 4th boy- and many times throughout this pregnancy Ive had moments of "another boy?" freak-out-ed-ness. But knowing how much we love and need our Bennie-boo, how much love he brings to our family- well, lets just say those moments still come,(especially when all 3 of my boys are fighting/wrestling/screaming/causing all sorts of mayhem/and destroying) but i just have to look at my Bennie-boo and the freak-out-ed-ness is replaced with laughter and a looking-forward-ness to more of this mostly-fun-loving-craziness in our lives with yet another boy.
And just for record sake, I asked Ben what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday a couple weeks back, and he said "a cookie cake, like daddys." I thought, thats easy enough, until the next week he changed his mind to "a mario cake like toastys." Then it was back to the cookie cake, then back to the mario cake, then an elmo cake, then a "blue toad from mario world" cake, then back to the cookie cake, then back to the mario, then it was a froggy cake, then phineas and ferb cake, then back to the froggy cake...so after he changed his mind 100 times- i made up the froggy cake, and surprisingly it turned out pretty decent considering how lacking I am in the cake decorating skills department. Anyway I document this little tidbit of information cuz Ben takes after his daddy in a lot of things, but apparently he is a little nuts like his mom when trying to make a decision. And that just cracks me up.

same old stuff

2011-03-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

My dad has a little saying..."same old stuff, different day"- and that is pretty much how life has been the past few weeks. And that's just fine by me. We are getting all ready for the baby, although I still have several weeks to go. But it does feel good getting prepared. Daniel and I are trying to put our brains into baby mode again. Diapers, bottles, binkys, burp clothes, formula, spit up, no sleep, ...we feel like we've been out of it for so long, although its only been 3 years, but boy, do babies grow and change quickly. All in all we are getting so excited to meet this baby, excited to count his tiny fingers and toes, excited not be be pregnant anymore, but instead hold him close, and just so excited for all the joy and love and new baby brings.
So being ever so pregnant, I have been trying my best to keep up with my walking, and since I have absolutely no energy to do it in the mornings anymore, I am walking in the early evenings. When I was able to get up in the mornings, I would go before my kids got up and while Daniel was getting ready for work..but now, since Daniel is at work in the early evenings and I have my kids to take care of, we go to a nearby park and they play while I walk around the little sidewalk track. Last week we had stopped in at the dollar store and the kids picked up some little buckets and shovels, and decided they wanted to take them to the park. So I'm walking and am just kind of in my own world with my thoughts but as I came around by the playground and passed them, I had one of those precious moments where I looked at all of them, busy in their digging adventures and had to brush away a tear or two as my heart felt so immensely full. There are so many moments where I am driven a little insane by the craziness of them all, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love being their mother and I love watching them grow and learn and I especially love the tender little moments when i look at all of them and everything else falls away and I recognize just how blessed I've been.

(someone please remind me of this after my new one is born and we are all going through our own adjustments and I'm grouchy as can be and am considering giving them all away- :) )

name game

2011-03-01T15:30:00.000-08:00

My Daniel had his birthday last week. Since it was a weekday he had to work, but when he got home, the kids were sure excited to celebrate with him. We made his favorite dinner, made a giant cookie cake, and had his homemade cards and presents from each of the kiddies to open.
Personally, I never know what to get for Daniel- he always comes up with the best gifts for me, but I totally stink in the gift giving department for him, but this year I arranged to have a friend babysitt the kids overnight and we went to san diego for a little getaway! It rained and even snowed in the mountains between here and there on saturday, so we didnt get to go to the beach, but we did get to go to the temple, we got to go out to eat at some of our favorite places, and even did a little shopping. mostly we just enjoyed a little break from the everyday and enjoyed our time together.
So while on this little trip, Daniel threw a curve ball into my carefully planned ocd plans. When we traveled up to my moms for thanksgiving, we were all thinking we were gonna find out for sure we were having our baby girl, and we have had her name picked out FOREVER. But to be silly I told the kids and Daniel we needed to come up with a boy name "just in case."
Daniel is the worst with names- I have a huge list of names i really like and every single one of them he vetoes. He's done this with James and Ben and i find it quite frustrating cuz I like to have a name picked out from the moment I find out whether we are having a girl or boy so that I can call my baby by his/her name. Anyway I went through my list and Daniel, of course, vetoed everything, so in exasperation I was throwing out random weird names. And of course when I do that he actually ends up agreeing on them. I threw out Phineas in reference to Phineas and Ferb and Daniel was totally in to it. I thought he was being sarcastic, but he said he actually really like it. And he got all the kids calling the baby Phineas after that. I wasnt sold on the idea and thought it was weird, but after so many of my kids prayers asking for baby Phineas to grow healthy and strong, I ended up going along with it. in a weird way it was cute and come on, who doesnt love Phineas and ferb? Phineas is a child genius. SO he(the baby currently in utero) has been Phineas for a few months.
But on this little getaway Daniel drops the bomb on me that he now finds the name weird and doesnt want to name him that. im like "WHAT????!!!!???? I have got 9 weeks left--(7 if Im lucky and go 2 weeks early!!!! crossing my fingers!!) and you are telling this to me NOW- ummm do I need to remind you I am a little bit psycho and need to have things planned out or else I get a tense-(cough cough- ok maybe a lot tense) especially when I am pregnant and my hormones/emotions are all over the place-- you cant do that to me!" and im thinking isnt he the one that got us all hooked on that name anyway? But NOW he thinks its weird? What the flip? He's playing with fire.
So we have been going through names again. And again- everything I like- he doesnt.And yet he wont give me anything serious to work with. SO frustrating!!! I need my baby to have a name. Its driving me crazy.
So when I was pregnant with James, I loved the name Jaxon. I am all about the x in a name- its tough and cool and to tell the truth Jaxon Jackson is just AWESOME...in my opinion. But Daniel hated it. As did anyone else that I told that name to. I tried it again when expecting Ben, but again Daniel thought I was wack outta my mind. so when I threw it out this time around- Daniel actually mulls it over and tells me he likes it. Um--yeah...I cant tell if Daniel is pulling my leg, but since I suggested it he still seems to be on board.. Unless he wants to have the wrath of pregnant Kimmy to deal with, he better not be changing his mind again!
Last night when we were having family prayer, Toast was offering it, and got all upset and stopped right in the middle of his prayer to tell me he didnt "want to pray for baby Jack Jack"-(my favorite nickname....Incredibles anyone?) because "he is still baby Phineas!" Maybe he just needs a little time to adjust to the change...James actually likes it simply because he thinks he is Dash, Kylie is Violet, Daniel is Mr Incredible and I'm "the mom" (he is still trying to place Toast and Ben, but since he doesnt want to share his identity he's having a hard time cuz he doesnt want Syndrome/Buddy to be part of our family for Ty, and Ben cant be Frozone cuz "Frozone is just their friend but not an Incredible." But he is liking the idea of baby jack jack, and the fact he can turn himself "into fire or stone or the devil, and shoot lasers out of his eyes!" (I'm hoping my baby doesnt turn into the devil, or stone, or fire-- but the laser thing might be cool)
Honestly, I'm feeling anxious cuz i really dont think Daniel is seriously gonna let me name our baby Jaxon Jackson. We shall see. But really-- isnt it just a seriously awesome cool name?

Just a few of my favorite things

2011-02-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

There are a few things that have been making me just so happy as of late, and I wanted to write them down before my deteriorating mind forgets...

1- Our friend gave us her playset when we moved, which we love, only problem is the wood is a little rough and the kids have had several slivers from it...James, who had never had a sliver before was calling them owies until he heard me talking to Kylie about one of her slivers and he now talks about his "snivers" everyday. Oh how I love how he calls them "snivers" Its one of my favorite things.

2- Bennieboo has an obsession with granola bars. He seriously eats like 5 a day. What I love though is that he asks me each time if he can have a "nalona nola bah." I seriously laugh each time he says that. Even if I'm in a terribly grouchy mood- hearing him say that makes me chuckle each time.

3- In my 3rd trimester of each pregnancy I get rather anemic. I cant get enough of the smell of dirt and the chonking of ice. I have chipped several teeth throughout my previous pregnancies with all the ice I chonk on. And right on cue- I got to my 3rd trimester in this pregnancy and I cant get enough ice-- but since my sweet Daniel bought me a shaved ice machine several months ago- we have been enjoying our shaved ice each night. I LOVE IT! And since its shaved ice- its saving my teeth this time around.

4- I have always had a thing for sunrises and sunsets. Its not only therapeutic, its also a spiritual thing for me. Anyway for the past 2 months I lost my walking partner, and have been walking by myself- and since I'm by myself, I go walking a little later than the 2 of us did, so on the last part of my walk I get to see the sky ablazing with the morning sunrises. But for the past 2 weeks I have not been able to get my self out of bed so early to do my walking. (I blame the anemia) So instead I have been going in the early evenings. And now instead of the glorious sunrises, I walk as the sun in setting. this week-- the sunsets have been out of this world! Also- since its a full moon- the past week has been really cool to see these gorgeous sunsets on one side of the sky and then turn and see this ginormous full moon rising from the other. Majestic!

5-lastly--again with my Bennieboo. I ask him all the time why he is so cute, and he always responds "I awesome!" He's just matter of fact about it too- it just cracks me up. and this past week he has started adding "ya know" on the end of every sentence. SO he says "I awesome, ya know!" Man alive I love that kid.

Happy Friday ya'll!

Lets talk about LOVE

2011-02-15T20:43:00.000-08:00

I know I maybe slightly go a little tiny bit overboard with bragging about my Daniel, but since its my blog, and my journal...I think its good for my kids to know how great their daddy is in his role as a husband, so I tell it like it is.
I am not a big Valentines Day fan...I try to make it fun for the kids and try to come up with some small gesture to let Daniel know how much I love and appreciate him, (like vandalizing his car) (dont ask) but I like the ordinary day gestures best..I dont care so much about flowers on Valentines day- although Daniel does get them for me..and I wont refuse chocolate any day either..which Daniel does as well..but what I really love about my Daniel is that he really puts his heart and soul into our relationship, and to being "there" for me, even/especially when there are a few bumps in the road.

I have been more emotional with this pregnancy than I have been with any of my others. I seriously cry all the time, which is making me think I'm crazy cuz I'm not too big on crying. "It gives me a headache"-(famous quote by Sister Hinckley ringing a bell?!!!) but seriously- my hormones have been so wack for the past 29 weeks and I cry all the flippin time. When we were in the mess of renovating, I went over to the old house to pack some things up, leaving Daniel, my dad, and our kids at the new house. (I kinda needed a break from my wild ones, and Daniel thought I wouldnt "over-do it" while packing stuff up, like I had been trying to renovate at the new house. Anyway.. after a couple of hours I was burned out- it was late, we had been working for over a week and had been doing late nights and were all off the routine and I just became overwhelmed thinking how much more we had to do, and was feeling like a bad mom since my kids werent getting all the attention they usually get from me, and I just sunk to the floor and sobbed for a good 15 minutes. I was feeling so alone, and just overwhelmed and in that moment decided to pray. And I told my father how I was feeling and let it all out... and pleaded for some help. Not 5 minutes later my sweet Daniel came in. How I love the quote "Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers, but it's usually through another person that he takes care of our needs." I believe with all my heart he sent my sweet Daniel over to comfort me in that moment. And Daniel just hugged me for a good 10 minutes while I cried on his shoulder. Never once making me feel bad for "loosing it." Never once making me feel like the crazy psycho pregnant woman I am. Just loving me and then helped me load up some boxes to take over to the new house. SO again.. i love that Daniel is "there" for me. And its on the days and in the ways I need it most.

Secondly- I love how thoughtful my Daniel is. I seriously dont know how I got so lucky to be with this guy. HE is the most thoughtful, caring, selfless guy and many times over I realize I really dont deserve him. I just really really lucked out. Again..in the chaos of renovating, Daniel was getting up early to go to work, and tried cramming his usual 10 hour daily work load into 5, so he could get off and come spend all afternoon and evening working on the new house. once i got my oldest 2 off to school, I would load up snacks and what not and bring the other 2 over and let them play in the backyard while I worked on chiseling away old shower tiles, shoveling rocks(dont ask), prepping/masking for paint, and clean up. By the time each day was done we were all exhausted. And my dang back would be killing me, and the one thing that wanted above all else was to soak in a hot bath to ease some of the intense pain I was feeling...but the dang water heater went out, so we had several nights of freezing cold quick showers before we could get it replaced. But my sweet Daniel- who was exhausted himself, knew I was in pain and knew that some slight relief would come with a hot bath, so he got out all the pots and pans and boiled the freezing cold water a hundred times over to fill up that bathtub-(he carried each one up the stairs each time to pour it in the tub- seriously he went up and down those stairs at least 50 times)-- all so I could get a few moments of relief. Who does that? He was so tired himself and dealt with the cold shower and Im sure he just really wanted to sleep, but instead he did that for me..without my asking. if thats not love- I dont know what is.
So yes I brag about my Daniel..but really- how could I not? I write it down so that my kids know how incredible their daddy is and in hopes my boys will one day grow up to be like their dad. After all the world could use a few more like him...perhaps thats why we are getting "blessed" with so many boys...(im still trying to wrap my brain around having another boy join the ranks in a few more weeks.!! One more trimester to go....)

Feels like Home

2011-02-09T15:05:00.000-08:00

Good news!!! We are in our new house, and I must say I LOVE IT! What a crazy few weeks we had, but now that we are settled, unpacked, organized, all fresh and clean and new, and everything is almost just how I want it, I can say the adventure of getting to this point was well worth it!!!
We had many late nights, many early mornings, and trying to do it while maintaining some sense of normalcy for the kids was quite the challenge. I had a few emotional breakdowns during the process, but seeing as how we were renovating one house, trying to pack up clean and move out of another, move into the new one, deal with broken collarbones, having the water heater in the old house go out a week before moving out, continue to try to get homework done, piano practiced, people fed and taken care of all while sporting my ginormous pregnant belly...well it could have been worse. :) Thankfully we have some great friends/ward members and thankfully my Daniel was very supportive and patient through it all.

Kylies room-

The office-- my dad had it up in no time at all. He is
pretty amazing if I do say so myself!

The front room--now the perfect size in my opinion!

The kitchen- eventually we will replace that dishwasher and fridge and go
with an all stainless steel look...but we have to work up our savings accounts before we can splurge. :)

                                                             The kids "ducky" bathroom
                                                  (its hard to see the detail with my camera phone,
                                         but believe me, the tile looks amazing, especially considering
                                                       how gross those tiny tiles and black grout was!)

                                                    the trampoline that is now in the ground!
                                                     My boys loved watching grandpa use
                                                           the backhoe to dig the hole.

Small part of the family room
(all new carpet, paint & trim! Lovin it!)

I took some before pictures, but now cant find the SD card they are on, and I was gonna take some after pictures with my awesome camera, but unfortunately my camera bag wasn't zipped up and got knocked over and my camera fell out and busted. (I am seriously so depressed over that right now!!!) So I took some after shots with my phone instead.
The previous owners had a dog, so I wasn't too thrilled with the old gross dog infused hair and germ ridden carpet. The bathrooms had those small white cheap tiles with the grout that was once white, but after a few years turned black, so it was disgusting and yucky, the kitchen, laundry room, and bathrooms all had cheap gross old linoleum flooring, the paint was ugly and old, the window coverings were yucky , dirty and old. And the front room was just a big wide open waste of space to me...so we (and by we I mean my awesome dad) first built an office, and cut the front room down to a more appropriate size, we repainted, re tiled the bathtubs, shower, and the bathroom and laundry room floors, we put some laminate down in the office and kitchen, re carpeted, got some new blinds-(we looked into shutters as I love the look of shutters, but holy smokes shutters are so dang expensive!!!) put in some ceiling fans, and even got the backyard set up a bit more to my liking. My awesome dad even put in some shoe shelves for us in the garage, and some shelves in the kids closets, and after all that and a very thorough scrub down, we unpacked, organized and are seriously in love with our home. But now that the house is looking so great, Daniel and I are thinking we are gonna need to replace our old furniture sometime soon. If only our tax refund was gonna be bigger. I am missing George Bush's economic stimulation checks... :)
Now we get to prepare for our little Phineas. My kids are worried he is gonna be bigger than our house since my protruding abdomen is getting bigger than our house apparently. Sometimes I am not a fan of the honesty of a child. My dad thought I was due next month as he thought i was looking ready to pop. And even my Dr made a gesture at my last appointment suggesting that I am looking very pregnant. (I'm kinda surprised since he is a ob- one would think he would play cautiously to the fragile emotions of a pregnant woman)- but there is no escaping it. I'm humongous. At least Daniel tells me I'm not. Bless him. He is just so good to me.

Just our luck.

2011-01-18T16:42:00.000-08:00

I wasn't planning on blogging until we are settled into our new house, but as i need some family history written, I'm breaking my own rule. Not that it was really a rule, more like I knew going into all of our planned projects I wasn't gonna have much time on my hands. But unplanned for things need to be noted in out little blog journal.
So my mom and dad traveled down last weekend to help us with our house. My mom had to fly back Sunday as she had to be back to work Monday, but my dad is staying until we get all our projects done. Can I just say I am sooooo extremely beyond grateful for my dad. The fact that he is down here helping us, applying all his knowledge and expertise to help us renovate our home just moves me to tears. He is just so great.
Anyway we have made excellent progress and hope to be able to move in sometime next week. So I am obviously sporting a very pregnant belly, and as such am kind of limited in what I actually can do to help with the renovating. But I took the kiddies over to the new house and let them "play" while I did what I could. After working for only 2 hours or so James came in crying. Now James is my toughest kid. With as wild/adventurous as he is, the kid gets banged up, but never cries about it. So I knew from the cry that he was obviously hurt, and sure enough I could see his collarbone poking underneath his skin at an odd angle. I asked him what happened and he said he "fell from his imaginary ladder when it turned into crumbs." Huh. Imaginary ladder? turning into crumbs? this kid has such an interesting imagination. But I'm still trying to figure out what happened. where is this imaginary ladder? it has to be somewhere, cuz collar bones don't just end up poking out at odd angles cuz of imaginary ladders, do they?
So I called the nurse, and by the time she called me back, James was happy as could be on to his next adventure acting like his normal self, so she said to just watch him and if it got worse to bring him to the ER. James continued to act just fine, until he tripped and then was afraid to move his arm, so I knew I needed to get him checked out, but I refuse to go to the ER if I can help it. After the ridiculous fees we were charge and the run around and hoops we had to jump through the last time I ended up in the ER I didn't want to deal with that again, so I took him to the urgent care instead.

So when we finally saw the Dr, he started poking around james's collarbone area, and James, being the tough boy he is didn't cry, winced slightly and calmly replied, "ow." It cracked me up. What kind of kid calmly says "ow" when a Dr is poking around your broken bone. Well we didn't know it was broken, but it was obviously out of place. Anyway they did an xray and sure enough he broke his clavicle. SO since they cant set and cast that bone, they gave him a little sling and sent us on our way with the instructions he isn't suppose to use that arm or move his should around until it heals on its own. Yeah, that's proving to be impossible. James has been climbing, jumping, punching, hammering... you name it. I tell him over and over not to use that arm, but he is just so busy and active and wild that I don't think it will ever heal.

Daniel and I are kind of laughing thinking about the timing of it all. our boys are wild. And its really been miraculous that none of them have had any broken bones before now, but of course it has to happen when we are trying to get all these projects done. I'm kinda feeling like a lousy mom cuz I was just letting them do their own thing, so I could get stuff done, but look where that got me. Blasted all. But that's life. Gives you some curve balls at inconvenient times. But at least it wasn't worse. I just gotta try to figure how to keep this kid from using his arm for several weeks. Any suggestions?

Gifts given

2010-12-29T12:46:00.000-08:00

Where did December go? We have been busy with recitals, parties, school programs, holiday traditions, and our travels, so no wonder its been about a month since I updated. Kylie did great with her piano recital. I couldnt find where the fetch she was mixed in with a billion other kids in her school program, but saw a lot of our cute neighbors. Daniel went to Toasts program and said he sang his little heart out. We made our traditional graham cracker gingerbread houses, visited the Christmas village, read our Christmas stories each night, walked around the neighborhood looking at all the yuma snowmen(inflatable) and all the twinkling lights, we listened to a million Christmas songs, delivered gifts, and then headed up to my beloved Utah. We spent 2 days in Logan with the in-laws, and then 2 days with my family. Daniel thinks we are at the point were we should travel up after Christmas, but since he is the unselfish one in our relationship, he drives us up each year so I can spend my most favorite day with my family, doing all the Christmas Eve traditions that make it my most favorite day, and then doing Christmas morning with grandma and grandpa.

I love getting gifts, and I love giving gifts, and I love seeing my kids light up with excitement over their new treasures. I love getting new jammies, I love the new book my mom gives us Christmas eve, i love the kids acting out the nativity. I love love love Christmas! And I love the traditional love note I get from Daniel on Christmas mornings. truly that's my most favorite gift each year. I'm seriously so lucky to have this guy in my life.

Each year we kinda struggle with what to give my parents. They say they dont "need" anything, so we kinda scramble to find something that will be useful or meaningful...but I have noticed that each year my siblings and I seem to give my mom updated pictures of the grandkids- which she loves- but they always end up in her office, crowded on the counter. SO I emailed my siblings- and we formed a plan. This year we created a picture wall with the pictures of each grandchild. I took a few shots while we were up there for Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law took a few and sent them over to me, and another sister in law sent me ones she had done of her baby girl, so we printed them all up, framed them and wrapped them up for Christmas morning. It was really a joy to see my mom open each picture and see those sweet tender feelings come through her facial expressions. That was part one.

my mom is always busy. she works full time and on her off day she is busy cleaning, shopping, serving and the like. So i knew, as did my siblings, that she would love the pictures, but unless someone took charge, they wouldnt get hung up for a while. so part 2- was getting them hung up. First we had to have her approval on where to hang them all. Counting our Phineas and another baby on the way, my parents will have 30 grandkids. So we needed a BIG space. I gave my mom some options, and finally at 10 pm on Christmas night she finally decided which she liked best. I told the 2 guys how it was to be done, and Daniel and my dad got to work measuring and hanging it all up. I loved how it turned out, and loved that my mom and dad loved their gift this year.

I find it pretty amazing that my parents have raised 7 kids, 5 of which were boys..and that each of us..while we have our challenges and struggles and have given them many many gray hairs through the years..and continue to do so...we each have a testimony of the gospel, each of my brothers served a mission, each of us were married in the temple, and each of us are doing our best at teaching our children as well. I often get a little nervous wondering if my kids are gonna end up making good choices through their lives. I hope each of my boys will serve a mission, I hope each child will have a firm testimony of the gospel, of the plan of salvation, of the love their Father in Heaven and their savior Jesus Christ have for them, i hope they get married in the temple and have as much joy in their marriages and families and i have in mine- but I know they all have their agency, and that even if Daniel and i are teaching them, they may choose another way... and that thought kinda breaks my heart to think about, but I look at my parents and I think.... they did it.. and I have hope. My parents have never been blessed with riches when it comes to the worlds standards, but i look at my family, my siblings, their families and I think wow- they/we are rich indeed. we have each other, we have the gospel and that is something one cant put a price on.
Anyway- I hope that as my parents see this grandkid wall each day that they will know how much they are loved, how grateful my siblings and I are for them, for their influence, for their testimonies, for the way we were brought up and taught and loved. As i looked at that wall I just couldnt help but think of what a great legacy my parents have. 30 beautiful grandkids who are all being taught in their youth..and that it wouldnt have been that way without them. That was really a fun project/gift to give this year.
SO now that Christmas is done, we are on to the next adventure.
We bought a house!!! We've been renting this one for a couple of years and while its a good house, its TOO big for me. I am not a fan of stairs-especially when pregnant, and hate going up and down with a million loads of laundry, and hate hauling the vacuum up and down as well. So I am excited to have a house that will be easier to clean, one that fits our family a little better, and one that will be ours... I have a zillion projects already planned out for my dad to come and help us with and then when its all said and done- we will be getting ready for our little Phineas to start the next great adventure.
So for this next 3 weeks, I am trying to organize and clear out the clutter and unneeded items. Goodwill here we come. And I of course cant move into a house without an extreme Kimmy style scrub down. Daniel is so good to just roll with me on this, as he knows I become obsessive compulsive and with the added wacked out hormones I kick it up a notch from extreme to extremely extreme, but its gonna be GREAT!
SO if I slack in the blogging dept again this next month- I will play catchup when we are settled into our new home.

You've got to be kidding me!!!

2010-12-03T12:27:00.000-08:00

****FYI---LONG AND PERSONAL POST*****For the sake of my posterity*****

We made a quick trip up to my moms for Thanksgiving this year. We have only spent one other Thanksgiving with my family and that was right after we were married. We usually cant justify 2 trips, as we go up for Christmas as well, but we do have a little tradition that we stick with, and it happened to be that the timing for this tradition worked out around Thanksgiving, so plans were made and what a trip it was.
My mom called us the night before we were suppose to travel telling us of this storm that was suppose to be one of the worst in 7 years..so we were a tad nervous. Traveling in blizzard conditions freaks me out just a bit, but we braved it, and lucky for us- the storm wasn't what it was cracked up to be. So we had no travel problems besides Kylie puking (as she always gets car sick whenever we travel to UT.) we got in, ate dinner with my parents, put the kids to bed and then headed to bed ourselves.
The next day was Thanksgiving, so we helped my mom with a few preparations for the feast, got in a little treadmill walking, and the kids had fun destroying grandmas house. Then a few of my brothers and my sister and their families came over and feast we did. Then we cleaned up, and were able to visit for a while, then enjoyed a huge assortment of pies, before everyone headed home, and we put the kids down.
Then my sweet Daniel braved the dreaded black Friday(officially starting on Thursday night now) sale with me in the dreaded UT cold. We froze and spent hours in line telling each other that saving $40 bucks really couldn't be worth it, and vowed to never do it again.

Daniel went back to my moms and got a few hours of sleep while I pressed on with my sister in law and we hit 2 more stores- of course the big ticket items were already gone, but she and i both were able to get basically what we needed and hallelujah there is no more standing in lines for the rest of the season for us.
That afternoon my kids helped grandma decorate her Christmas tree and we were able to make a few visits to my siblings homes and enjoyed the chance to catch up.
Then my mom arranged with my uncle to make the "tradition" happen. (the tradition that this trip basically centered around.)
After a rogue IUD, a "fun" little surgery, a few months of trying, a miscarriage, and several more months of trying, I am finally pregnant.
I have been baby hungry for a while, and even though things are chaotic at are home with 4 kids, we have been anxious to add our caboose.
let me just give you a little glimpse into my psyche..I have 5 brothers. i love them. I have one sister. I love her. But the relationship between sisters is somewhat stronger (in my experience anyway) than the relationships between brothers and sisters. My sister is always the 2nd person to know(after my mom) when we are expecting, she always seems to know when we are wanting to add to our family before anyone else too, she is the one sibling that is there for every baby blessing, the sibling that i can talk to whenever i am stressing about my kids behavior, the sibling who understands a little bit better why I think the way I do, what struggles i have had, and what dreams i still hope for. We can go a month without talking, and yet when we do- there is no awkwardness- just fun catching up, and always plans for that sister getaway that never happens, but is fun to talk about anyway. So with having this sister bond myself, I desire that for my Kylie girl with all my heart. I want her to have that sister. And she desperately wants a sister a well.
Obviously, we have 3 boys. And I love my boys. Love love love them. But holy moley they are INSANE! They never stop, just keep going going going all day long, they destroy, they yell, they climb, jump, destroy, make mess after mess after mess, destroy, throw rocks, manage to always track in lots of dirt and muck right after I have vacuumed and mopped the floors, they get a kick out of "potty-talk" and gross body functions, cause a scene whenever we are out in public,(especially at church), refuse to hold still for family prayers, are always in need of a haircut, get mean when I tell them to turn the video games off, never seem to aim quite right when peeing therefore causing me to have to sanitize the bathroom several times a day, and then there is the whacking and kung-fu and wrestling wrestling wrestling, the endless forts out of my clean sheets and blankets that I have to rewash and refold as they always sneak in snacks and end up crushing the snacks into every inch of their forts, they are loud, messy, and beyond energetic. And for the most part- it is fun. But sometimes I feel like I'm at my wits end, and the thought of adding another kid kinda freaks me out, but then I imagine a sweet baby girl just like my Kylie, one who is a very good natured baby, then as a toddler: one who colors on paper and not the walls or carpets or couches, one who loves to look at books without tearing all the pages out while laughing manically, one who is calm and quiet and content, one who uses "please" and "thank you", one who potty trains them self in a day, and I think- yeah that will be wonderful...
I had this image in my head- of our home being a peaceful one, once we added this baby girl. Kylie, Toast, James and Ben all have been praying for "Baby Ashley" to grow healthy and strong, cuz we all were just certain we were gonna have a girl..and we would be complete and I would get to put my feet up at the end of each day and eat jr mints by the boxful without gaining weight... ummmm.... yeah- I apparently was living in some fantasy world for a moment.
So when we went to my uncles office and he did an ultrasound for us- I was more than shocked when he pointed out the BOY part. I looked at Daniel with a look of disbelief, then kinda laughed cuz this had to be a joke.

but no joke....My baby is ANOTHER BOY!

SO that's bringing the male children in our family up to 4. 4. four. F-o-u-r! 4! I cant do 4 boys right in a row. it is already chaos. It is already mayhem. And then when I think of the teenage years- there is no way we can deal with 4 boys going through puberty a year or 2 right after each other. Plus how are we suppose to pay the weekly grocery bill once they are all teenagers together? (again, I have 5 brothers and i know as teenagers they are like bottomless pits.) Plus, as a parent, isn't one suppose to be teaching their children, stuff like right from wrong, how to be respectful, responsible, hard working, independent, caring, generous, helpful, kind, a good friend, and hopefully get them all to the point were they choose to serve a mission? And teach them to love- teach them to honor women, teach them how to be a good husband and father? This is all quite daunting to me- I was already worried about getting 3 through all that- but 4? Dang. I dont know if i am gonna make it. I dont know if my house and furniture will remain standing for much longer through these young formative years as it is.
Quite honestly, I have been in shock. and the kids(well the youngest 2 were like- "whatever"-)( but ky and ty) were really disappointed, and Daniel was surprised as well. and my mom just laughed. (again- 5 brothers. she's been through it.(plus one more) and i have taken that laugh not to be malicious, but as in- "good luck daughter- you're gonna need it") which i totally do! 4 boys? I cant be the mom of 4 boys!

And the kicker-- i don't feel complete. so as much as i hate being pregnant, as much as i hate puking my guts out for the first 2 months straight, then having terrible back pain, shortness of breath, having to pee a million times a day, being exhausted beyond exhausted, feeling yucky, and fat, and ugly, being an emotional roller coaster, having round ligament pain as i just get bigger and bigger, getting irritated by every stupid thing that shouldn't matter, getting grossed out by any weird smell, and then in the last trimester having to deal with the sciatic nerve making it almost impossible to walk without being in horrid pain, getting no sleep, feeling stretched as can be, dealing with all the stinking braxton hicks and then all the back pain that makes me feel like I'm on fire when I actually go into labor, and then having the miracle of a new life come into our world, but also having no sleep for several months and trying to somehow fit back into non maternity clothes when one barely has time to keep up with the laundry and the feedings, and everything else, let alone "working out." ---so as much as i hate all that-- in the back of my mind i have a strong urge to go through it again and be the mother of 6 (s i x, 6) kids, because i don't feel complete- i know i have a baby girl. (and this is probably the point where Daniel decides a little "snip snip" doesn't sound so horrible after all. hahaha)
so all week I've been having these little conversations in my head with my Heavenly Father and I keep asking him if he's really thought this through, and then am like- dude, (not to be sac religious, but sometimes my mind is so blown that "dude" is really the only expression i can think of) so I'm like dude-- what are you thinking? you know me better than anyone, and while yes, i love my boys, and i am so thankful for them and yes they bring an indescribable joy and my heart gets so full when i look at them all tucked in at night sleeping away, and I'm thinking- wow- i love these little punks- and i am brought to sweet tears with the spontaneous hugs and the random "you're my favoritest mommy" or the simple but heartfelt "i love you mommy" or the pathetic little weed flowers they find outside and bring to me to make me happy, or the little notes with a picture that they drew "just for (me)" -and I'm thankful for the funny moments of watching them dance their little dance moves, or hear the running of little feet when one of them wakes up at 3 to come get in our bed, and then they snuggle in as close as they can to me, and while i love the hilariousness from the random things they say or think about, - while yes i feel so grateful for all that and love all that and again i love them so much and am overwhelmed with gratitude that they have been entrusted to me---dear father-- you know i get so frustrated, you know there are so many nights when i cry to you cuz i worry about them, cuz i feel like a failure, cuz i cant do it all, you know i try to be patient but after telling them a hundred times over not to do something, they still continue to do it and i want to pull my hair out, you know i don't always find every moment full of joy, you know that i get tired, you know that a lot of the time i am doing it by myself while Daniel is working late trying to provide for us and that sometimes i feel so alone or trapped and really just want a break that i rarely get, you know that i fail to understand, that some days i let them watch dora over and over cuz i cant find the energy to read to them and try to deal with them ripping up the books as we do so. You know that after we have spent money on food for the kids and my 2 youngest get into everything and smash it into bits so that its all been one big waste of time and money that i just fume and really want to spank their little butts. You know that sometimes I yell at them. You know all this! so really, one more of this kind really might just put me over the edge!!! so really? really? another boy? really?

But every time i have this little talking to with my Father in Heaven, after I've ranted and expressed my insecurities and my feelings that i know i shouldn't have but have anyway- there is this feeling that washes over me, ever so gently, and i feel in my heart the answer that-" yes Kimmy, this is my plan. this little one- my little child, my son, needs you, and Daniel, and Kylie, and Tyler, and James and Ben. he needs the ward you are in, the friends you are surrounded by, he needs these aunt and uncles, these cousins, these grandparents. he needs this family line. I know you get frustrated with your kids, but I also know where your heart is. I know you are capable. I know you are teaching them, you love them, you take care of them. I know it feels like they don't listen and they aren't learning, but Kimmy, I know they are. Remember what it says in your patriarchal blessing about these little ones I've entrusted to you. Trust me, Kimmy. And just do the best you can and i will be there. I always am. And remember this little one is mine, after all. And HIS coming to you at this time is, again, part of my plan. (which i should know after having the special revelations given to us stating the same thing when James entered this world- obviously i am a slow learner) and you need him. And Kimmy- I know you make mistakes, and I know your kids make mistakes, but that is why I sent my Beloved Son, Jesus Christ into the world. I let Him suffer, so that you and your kids can have a way back. He is there to help you, He understands exactly how you feel. He understands exactly how your kids feel. And He is there to lead you, to guide you, to walk beside you. So Kimmy..just trust..and "my peace give i unto you. neither let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid."
and then following these moments, i know in my heart that yeah- adding one more boy is gonna bring even more chaos, it is gonna bring more frustrations, more tears when i fail, it's gonna put me at my wits end many a time over- but it is also gonna bring even more love and joy and extreme happiness. its gonna teach me lessons i need to learn, its gonna bring me moments of heaven on earth and glimpses into the eternities. So i do feel peace.
for a few minutes anyway, until I see the piles of clean clothes that have been taken out of the drawers and thrown all over, the pee covered toilet seat and the floor surrounding it, wet with yellow liquid as well, the crumbs smashed on the floor, the fridge door wide open and the milk spilled all over, the stick and rocks that get brought into the house, the dvds all out of their cases, lots with scratches that will make them impossible to watch, and some of them broken right in half, the yogurt smeared on the carpet, the walls scribbled on in permanent marker, and the 2 youngest boys climbing onto the highest spot they can find and jumping off it while trying out new tricks that luckily haven't made them quadriplegics thus far,) and again i think, "you've got to be kidding me!"
Heaven help us!

THEY"RE BACK!!!!!

2010-11-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

I love this time of year for many many reasons-- and I'm sure I've posted many of those reason before, but 2 of my many favorite things about this month and next are 1) MINT M&M'S!!!! and 2) Clementine cuties!

The day after Oct 31st, I had to run to the store to get a few necessities we had run out of, and I knew the stores would be getting their Christmas sections up, so I searched for the mint m&ms, but stinking walmart didnt have them. They had all the many holiday flavored kisses, candy canes, even all the other regular candies that are just packaged in reds and greens for the holiday, but no mint m&ms. I was disappointed for a minute, but thought- hey walgreens is right next door- they totally will have them- so we ran into walgreens- but they didnt have them either.So I was disappointed for the rest of the day. The next day I had to run over to target and thought hey- I know they have their Christmas section up, I will totally score the mint m&ms there. But sadly, they had their Christmas stuff up, but NO CHRISTMAS CANDY! How can you have a Christmas section without Christmas candy? come on now. Then on Wednesday I had to run in to Albertsons, and of course they didnt have anything Christmasy out by then, and figured if I really wanted those mint m&ms I was gonna have to take matters into my own hands and get on line and find somewhere that could ship me a whole crateful. But once I got home I forgot about my brilliant plan while trying to deal with the wild ones. So on Saturday when I was doing the grocery shopping, I swung into the Christmas section again, and this time they had Christmas M&ms, but not the mint kind. Get with the program walmart! but then Kylie and I ran over to Albertsons to get something walmart doesnt carry, when what to my wondering eyes did appear? Those wonderful holiday mint m&ms!!!! They were just screaming out to me- "we are here, we are here we are here!" So I nabbed a bunch of those delightful delicious treats, and the jackson household is currently in a state of mint m&m bliss! Glory glory hallelujah! So since that time, I have been on the look out for the peppermint m&ms-- in my opinion the peppermint has a slightly more delicious taste the the regular mint, but now that all the other stores-minus that blasted walmart- have the mint m&ms, no one is carrying the peppermint ones this year. Dang the devil. I think I am gonna be obsessed with finding the peppermint kind now. But if I dont- hey at least until December 25th I can enjoy all the mint m&ms my budget will allow!

And secondly- those clementine cuties are in season. So juicy and sweet and seedless and easy to peel, and doesnt the smell of citrus just bring warm feelings into your heart? Plus after all the m&ms my family consumes , the clementines should counteract some of that right? Well maybe not, but a diet of mint m&m's and clementine cuties seems to be making my holiday season merry and bright. Like the song says- it's the most wonderful time of the year!!!

Time

2010-11-15T12:06:00.000-08:00

My last post I did from my phone since my Bennie-booger busted my computer, and I thought I would jump back into blogging with my awesome phone, but I couldnt figure how to edit and even though I have a qwerty keyboard on my phone, writing a whole post took much longer and was harder than I expected, so I decided to give up blogging until my computer got fixed. I was thinking it would be sometime after the Holidays cuz my Daniel is always so busy, but when I mentioned that I was sad I wouldnt have a record of whatever goes on in our lives for the next few months as blogging is my form of journaling, he actually fixed it last weekend. I love that guy. I love that I can casually mention something thats bugging me and he does what he can to take care of me.

Halloween- came and went. Since it was on Sunday, we celebrated on Saturday by going to the trunk-r-treat. Usually I take the kids around to the cars and Daniel passes out the candy, but my hip has been really outta whack and it kills me walking around, so he took the kids and I did the candy. I had fun seeing all the cute kids in the ward, and the kids had fun getting loads of candy.

So since we celebrated Halloween on Saturday, Sunday we kicked off our Holiday celebrations. We got out the tree and all the decor and after church we blasted the Christmas carols while decking our halls. And since we were still in the 90's that week, we made "snow-cones" to have some kind of seasonal "snow." (side story on snow cones-- after we went to Hawaii for our anniversary back in August, I have been wanting Hawaiian shaved ice like multiple times everyday. I love that stuff. But down here the closet thing I can get to Hawaiian shaved ice is a sonic slush-which is totally not even close at all. Delicious, especially when the temps are scorching, but its not Hawaiian shaved ice. Anyway Daniel being the thoughtful and oh so wonderful husband he is surprised me earlier last month with a high quality shaved ice maker. Its not a "snow cone maker"- its genuine shaved ice- so fluffy and soft and just one of the greatest things ever! So now I dont have to wait for 10 years (when we go back to Hawaii) for some premium genuine Hawaiian shaved ice--i have my shaved ice machine at home, and its delightful. So to the locals if you're ever in the mood for some Hawaiian shaved ice- we've got the goods, so come on over!) (dont you just love Daniel?- He is just so gosh darn great!)

when I was little my mom had made this advent calendar that was a wall hanging of a Christmas tree, and each day leading up to Christmas whoever got up the earliest would get to reach into one of the pockets and pull out an ornament to hang on the tree. I loved loved loved that wall hanging and tried to wake up earlier than my younger brother so that I could be the one to decorate the tree each day. Of course when I was trying to earn good behavior points so santa would still bring me something, I would sacrifice and purposely let him do it on some mornings, but for the most part, I was pretty selfish and even if John hung one up, I would wait until he wasnt around and move which ever one he got to where i thought it would look best. Anyway- I was telling my kids about that wall hanging and how I loved it as we were puttin up the advent calendars we have, and Kylie said- we'll why dont you make one. She for some reason thinks I can create stuff-- bless her, but the reality is I am not crafty/creative/artsy in any way shape or form. But I really loved that tree and wanted my kids to have something like that. The advent calenders we have are pretty much ones where they open the day up and have a candy kiss. So I decided what the heck and got to work, And I can now say that even though I am still not crafty and my advent tree is so pathetic that it cracks me up when I look at it, I did it, and my kids LOVE it! They are so excited for December 1st to roll around and have already been making a schedule of who gets what day. And the fact that my tree is so pathetic and imperfect and laughable, but my kids love it anyway, well that just makes me happy. I like this stage of life where they aren't hard to impress or please. In a few more years when they get embarrassed by my lack of skills, well maybe I will give them to the gypsies at that point. Time will tell.

update

2010-10-27T16:22:00.000-07:00

so i havent blogged in a while, and missed a few important events in out fam, but am gonna try to catch up. to the few family members and friends that actually read my blog, i have been reading your blogs, but have been unable to leave comments for the same reason i havent been able to blog. so you can blame my bennie-booger. the hyperactive child is really into destroying stuff, and the latest destroyed item is the computer/keyboard/mouse. luckily my dearest darling daniel surprised me with my new phone that also happens to allow me to blog from it. woohoo. (ben broke my other phone about 2 months ago and before the G2 made its fabulous debut, i was forced to revert back to the dark ages of my old flip phone that was only able to make calls and very slowly text. thank heavens daniel didnt make me wait for my birthday to get this phone, i might have died waiting.)

so earlier this month we celebrated jamesys 4th birthday. he was so excited all day long and pretty much ruled the roost for the day. he got to go out to lunch with his daddy, which was his favorite part of his day. we sure love our james and are extremely grateful he is part of our family.

the kids had a week long fall break, so we tried to keep ourselves sane by doing some halloweenish activities. we headed to the "munkin patch" and had all sorts of fun. the kids were most excited to pick out their "munkins" and we are planning to have a carving fest this weekend. we made our haunted houses out of all sorts of halloween candies, along with a bajillion halloween crafts.
daniel and i went to our friends annual halloween party, and poor daniel has just been miserable with this lingering cold, and thought he had an excuse to not go (not cuz the party isnt a blast, cuz it is, just cuz daniel absolute hates dressing up and only did it last year cuz he didnt wan to deal with "the wrath of Kimmy") but i dragged him to it again, but even though he wasnt feeling too great, he had a good time, and won the prize for the funniest costume. (he went as princess leia...originally i was gonna be leia and daniel was gonna be han solo, but the han solo costume looked a little too small on my extremely tall guy, so we switched and it was awesome to say the least. for a guy so resentful to dressing up, he sure went above and beyond.)

the kids had their primary program last sunday, and i got quite a kick out of it this year.the past 2 years i hadnt enjoyed it from the congregation viewpoint. i was crouched beneath the pulpit trying to ensure a smooth program as that was my responsibility, but this year, as i no longer am in primary, i really cracked up time and time again watching and listening to the primary kids. they closed singing the song "i know that my savior loves me," and that brought m to tears. it was so very sweet. kylie did her part perfectly, and toast did his perfectly on his second try-(he got flustered his first attempt and shut down for a good minute until the sweet and kind primary counselor reassured him, and he was able to pull himself together. james being a sunbeam, just had to sit up there and sing the songs, which he did, but i cracked up watching him entertain himself. he turned his hands into airplanes and kept chasing the other hand/plane and then would crash them into each other. i cant complain though, cuz at least he stayed n his chair the whole time, unlike every other sunday when he and ben are climbing under, over, in front, behind and every where else. this was an improvement.

we are getting all excited for the holidays and since Halloween falls on sunday, we will celebrate halloween on saturday and spend sunday decking our halls for christmas. i can hardly wait!

Saturday

2010-09-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was a special one for our family. Kylie was baptized and confirmed. Since she is our oldest, this was a first for us. And it brought about a lot of tender feelings. We have been having family home evening lessons on baptism for the past 4 months, trying to make sure Kylie understood what she was promising her Heavenly Father. And we wanted to make sure that this was her choice- something she wanted- not just what Daniel and I wanted.

She was kind of nervous about a month before, but her cute friend happened to be baptized the beginning of September, and we were fortunate enough to be able to attend. While Kylie has been to baptisms before, she saw this one a little differently since she was going to be baptized a few weeks later, and I think it helped ease some of the anxiety she was feeling from not knowing how it would all go.

We were lucky to have one of my brothers, my sister and her family and my parents come down to the wicked heat to support Kylie. And we were lucky to have Daniels favorite aunt and uncle, his cousin, and his parents all come down as well.

My brother Travis gave the talk on baptism, and it was awesome- like everything that guy does. My mom gave a sweet and heartfelt talk/testimony on the Holy Ghost. And then Daniel took our baby girl and baptized her. My heart was so full in that moment I thought it would burst.

While she was drying off and getting into her white dress, my youngest brother had made a little video of Kylie set to a few of her favorite primary songs. We (Kylie and I) caught the last minute of that, and I was brought to tears. (We have watched it a few times since and it is just so sweet. Something we will treasure always! Thanks Johnny!) Then she was confirmed and given a powerful blessing by her daddy.

Then we visited with our friends/family that came, and after cleaning up, headed over to our house for a little feast.

My only regret is that I didnt get pictures after the baptism. And the only one I have of Kylie and Daniel before the baptism is blurry and cuts Kylie off, so I barely get to see her head. Darn it all. But she looked beautiful, the talks were wonderful, and we felt the wonderful blessing of the spirit with us that day.

Seven

2010-09-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

Toast had his 7th birthday yesterday. He was one excited kid. He started his day with breakfast of his choice- donuts, got to have a little lunch date with his daddy to the infamous Mr G's, had cupcakes with his class-(thank heavens he wasnt picky about those) and got to choose his favorite dinner as well- McD's--(kill me now!) After which he finally got to open his presents, and then ended with his Mario world birthday cake. (that cake was an adventure in and of itself starting with the baking process which turned disastrous due to my own stupidity, but considering that it actually turned out to be somewhat similar to what I was trying to do, the disastrous part was soon forgotten.) SO yeah, Tyler had a very nutritious birthday. (Note the sarcasm) But at least he was happy for the entire day!

So in honor of my Toast here are 7 things we love about this kid:

1- Toast is so imaginative. He gets in his own world of Mario or Star Wars and it is a very creative world. Sure George Lucas started the star wars world- but Ty has taken it to a new level.

2-Toast is smart smart smart. When he applies himself there is no stopping him.

3- Ty gives some of the best spontaneous hugs!

4- Toast has a funny sense of humor. He also understands humor- like in books or movies and it always makes me laugh when he laughs cuz he understands why a particular thing is funny.

5-Ty usually isnt afraid to try new things.

6- Ty is usually a really good brother to his younger brothers. I love that he will include them in his mario or star wars adventures and all three of them will go off pretending to smash goombas or saving princess peach.

7-Toast continues to teach me about patience, and unconditional love and forgiveness. Its true that my Toast is my most puzzling kid for me to figure out sometimes, and there are so many nights when I plead with my Heavenly Father to help me understand him so that I can help him be the best he can be- and there are still lots of days when I fail to understand and instead just react to his not so good behavior- but at the end of the day Tyler will always give me one of his great big hugs and will tell me he loves me and tells me that I'm the best mom ever, and I think- how can he say that when I totally overreacted and didnt understand why he was doing what he was doing- but I am learning that it all comes down to love- (cliche but true) Ty just wants to love and wants to be loved. And I love that about him.

Drinking

2010-09-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

Around 2:30 this morning I was rudely awakened by a loud WHAM, WHAM sound. I freaked out, shook Daniel- who also heard the noise but hadnt jumped like I had, and brilliantly asked him-"what was that?" I dont know what I expected him to say as he obviously would have no idea what that was either as he was sleeping just as I was, but apparently at 2:30 in the morning I ask ridiculous questions. Anyway he got up, checked on the kids, checked out the house and came back to bed, told me he didnt see anything out of the ordinary and quickly fell back asleep. I tossed and turned and tried to calm myself back down, but I heard a few more weird noises that kinda sounded to me like someone was trying to break into our house. Now, on both sides of us, our neighbors have dogs. Lots and lots of dogs. They bark ALL the time. Drives me crazy. (not as crazy as the dog crap on our lawn that happens everyday without any kind of an apology, and without the neighbor cleaning up after his dogs, but that gripe is not for this story. Although let me just say- if I sent my kids to crap on his lawn dontcha think it would be considered extremely rude especially if I sent them there every day, never ever cleaned up after them and never ever apologized!?! Whats wrong with the world today! Have some decency people! ) SO back to my story. The dogs bark - a lot! So I finally convinced myself that since the always barking dogs were for once not barking- there really must not have been an intruder and my own imagination was making up the weird sounds I was hearing- except the big WHAM, WHAM which woke me up in the first place, but I finally convinced myself that it must have been a big bird that hit the door at an alarming speed a couple of times in the middle of the night, and finally fell back asleep. I apparently dont think very clearly in the middle of the night.
Daniel got up to go running a little before 5 am. I slept right through his alarm and didnt hear him leave, but had asked him before we went to bed to wake me up when he got back so that I could get up and do my yoga without having to be doggypiled on by my hooligans James and Ben. So he does, but usually if I ask Daniel to wake me up, he does it very gently so that half the time I fall back to sleep as soon as he gets into the shower. This time he was all super excited to wake me up cuz he had something to tell me. Still wanting to sleep, but wondering why he was so excited so early in the morning, I finally opened my eyes to hear his story.
So Daniel went running with his buddy, had a good run, came back, and was gonna lay down on the trampoline to chill for a minute before coming in and showering, but upon opening the back door he happened to see some unfamiliar shoes, and a few feet to the right, sprawled in the grass was a young woman snoring away. Puzzled, curious, and slightly apprehensive he went and poked the sleeping woman-(age 20 or so by his guess) but got not a response. So he pokes her again- saying "hello? who are you?" The lady with her eyes still closed replies "drinking." Daniel pokes her again a few more times and says "what are you doing here?" She replies "live here," and is snoring half a second later. Daniel pokes her again and says "I dont think so. Do you know where you are?" She sleepily says "live here" again and is back asleep in a split second yet again. Daniel pokes her some more and says "if you live here, what are the ages of the kids? She says "huh? what?" and finally opens her eyes, looks up at the house and was like "huh? oh!" Nothing like the threat of being responsible for a bunch of little ones to wake someone up I guess. So Daniel hands her her shoes, and after getting orientated enough to stand up, she walks past him, goes into our house through the backdoor, finds her way to the front door and walks out. Why she felt it was ok to walk through a strangers house instead of using the side gate, I dont know but I have a sneaking suspicion one doesnt think clearly when drunk. So Daniel quickly locks both doors, and then comes up to me laughing to tell the tale.
We figure the loud whams was her trying to get into the front door, and the other noises I heard was her probably trying to get into the back door, but after failing in her attempts, she must have passed out, drunk as a skunk, to sleep in the grass for a few hours.
So 2 questions- why didnt the stupid dogs bark when someone was noisily trying to get into our house in the middle of the night? What good is it to have those yappy dogs if they dont yap when there is something amiss, yet yap all the time when nothing is amiss? I would think that by putting up with all their "crap" they should at least do me the favor of barking when they are suppose to. Question 2- why do people drink? Honestly- I really wanna know. From the smell of alcohol I cant imagine it being very tasty, and since it seems to turn seemingly normal people into looney tunes I dont get the reason of why people do it. I mean really- who wants to spend the night in someones pokey grass, covered with ants and spiders and crickets just cuz you are too drunk to even realize its not your own home? To me that doesnt sound like fun, nor does it sound cool. Sure it makes a good story for Daniel to tell, but for the poor drunk girl- I bet she has a nasty headache today, mixed with a few nasty bug bites.
So morale of the story kids-- I really dont think alcohol is your friend.

8

2010-09-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago, yesterday, I became a mother. I held my tiny precious daughter in my arms and I fell in love immediately.

Earlier that day, when Daniel and i woke up, we lay in bed discussing us and the future and how our life was gonna change completely. I was scheduled to be induced that following day, and so we were gonna spend that day preparing for the next. But as we got up and ready for the day my back felt like it was on fire. I was pretty sure I wasnt contracting cuz it was my back that was killing me, and as far as I knew, contractions were more towards the front. So with each contraction I was doubled over trying to ease some of pain while telling Daniel I wasnt going into labor, and that I was gonna be fine, just give me a few minutes. After the 8th time of the same scene repeating itself Daniel called up my mother, who then told me it sounded like I was in labor and I should go to the hospital-(my mom has been working at an ob/gyn office for years and years and years and in my opinion she is the expert on all things pregnancy related) and since she wouldnt tell me to go if I was just being a wimp about the pain, she was able to convince me that indeed we should go to the hospital. So we, meaning Daniel, packed up a few things into my backpack, grabbed his homework and a book or two to read, grabbed our camera and right before we were off, Daniel gave me a blessing. What peace that sweet prayer brought to me. I was scared about how everything would go and if Kylie was gonna be ok and healthy and was kinda thinking I was gonna die cuz I was in such pain- but with that blessing
I felt a warmth and a calm and knew everything was gonna be ok. So we went to the hospital, and after checking to make sure I was really in labor, they admitted us and soon hooked me up with the happy-dural. Needles freak me out like no other- especially one that size and especially when its going into my vertebrae, but I closed my eyes as tight as I could and tried thinking happy thoughts and then before too long I couldnt really feel the horrid pain I was feeling before. Daniel thought it was funny that I dozed off a time or 2 in the next few hours, mostly because any movie you see with a birth scene the mother is screaming at the top of her lungs, cussing the father of the baby, sweating and looking like a maniac, but I was just dozing off in between the nurses coming in and out. And then a little bit later my baby girl came into the world.
What a miracle she was. With her ten little fingers, her 10 little toes, her perfect little mouth, her cute little nose, and her eyes- oh heavens her eyes- Kylies eyes were wide open just taking everything in. Granted I know its fuzzy and black and white for babies, but she was so alert and anytime she was awake- her eyes were wide open, and she always had this look like she knew everything that was going on.

So 8 years have flown by and in that time my love for Kylie has continued to grow. I am really so proud of my daughter. She is an amazing 8 year old. Since she is the oldest of our kids, she has had more responsibilities and has had more expected of her than the others and for the most part, she just takes it all in stride. Kylie has been blessed with the gift of learning. She seriously learns so quickly- always has. I wish I was more like that- I think I was more of a daydreamer when I was her age, but she is focused and attentive and responsible and really loves to learn. Kylie is artistic and creative. she is fun and helpful and quirky in her own ways. She is shy with most everyone but her family, she is sassy at times, a bit spoiled, and goofy, and she has the attitude of a teenager at times and it cracks me up when she rolls her eyes like she is so embarrassed by her parents, as if we do anything remotely embarrassing. But she has a kind and loving heart. She is an amazing sister to her brothers, an awesome daughter and just a delightful individual. Oh my heart almost breaks when I think about how much I love this girl!
Yesterday Kylie wanted to bring cupcakes to her class, and not just any cupcakes, but the cupcake pops- you know the kind that bakerella makes. Curse that bakerella for making something look so easy. Holy buckets I was working on those silly things ALL day long- and they still didnt turn out remotely as cute as bakerellas. I am an amateur to the extreme. And another thing- holy freaking mess- my kitchen looked like a war zone!

so I take them over to the school- now Kylie has around 35 kids her in class, so I made 40 just to be sure there were a few extra in case some of them fell from the stick. By the time we got to her class, not only had they started to melt-(blasted freaking desert heat- its September- why cant we cool down yet?) but over half of them fell off their sticks. after all my hard work-- they were dropping like flies. I was irritated. But the kids didnt seem to mind and thought they were cool and her teacher was acting like she was in heaven while eating one, so either she was a really good actress or they tasted fine just the same. While eating the cupcakes, her class gets to ask her questions. Her teacher asked her if she could have any gift in the world for her birthday, what would she like. Her answer: a baby sister. We are trying Kylie girl. We are trying.
After her little school celebration we came home and I tried to clean the kitchen up, but before I could finish, had to take the birthday girl to gymnastics, after which we had her birthday dinner, and her presents, and finally her cake. Kylie is all into monkeys right now. She has monkey pillows, monkey blankets, monkey pajamas, monkey crafts, monkey backpack, monkey lunchbox. The girl likes monkeys. So she wanted a monkey cake. My kids seem to think I know how to make cakes- ummm- yeah, I am lousy lousy lousy at decorating anything- cakes, food, houses, anything really--(except my Christmas tree- I take great pride in that sucker! ) But I attempted it anyway. It was kinda funny how cake wrecked it looked, but my Kylie girl loved it and told me it was her most favorite cake ever. She knows how to butter me up I guess.

Anyway I am very grateful that I have been blessed with this beautiful girl of mine. She is a sweetheart and I couldnt love her more.

Official

2010-09-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

Its official! We are done with diapers! For the 1st time in 8 years! I feel the need to celebrate. Only problem is Ben still hates wearing any clothes now. He continues to strip himself as soon as I get him dressed and runs around naked all day long. Its driving me crazy. But on the bright side- its a little less laundry to wash and fold and put away. The missionaries came over for a little missionary correlation meeting and my little Bennie boy was streaking through the house. I felt my face turn red as I apologized for his nudity. What to do with that kid.

James was asked to give a talk in Primary last week, and I had a short little poem for him to recite, but as soon as it was his turn, he froze. As soon as he was done with church he told me he was so proud of himself. I'm trying to figure that out. Is he proud that he got out of giving his talk cuz he refused to do so? Oh the mind of that child.

So the citys parks and rec have been having registration for soccer and baseball and a bunch of other little kid sports and classes. I thought Toast might actually like to do it this year- but when I asked him he said he has no interest . Daniel was quite happy about that cuz it means we dont have to spend our Saturdays watching a bunch of kids trying to kick a ball from one end of the field to the other. And I wonder why my boys have no interest in sports. I am finally getting that it stems from their daddy's bad attitude.

Kylie started back up with piano. She stopped playing once her previous teacher moved and we searched high and low and finally found a teacher with an opening. Its all coming back to her rather quickly and that makes me happy. I love watching her develop her talents.

Daniel has been working long hours (12-14 hour days)- which drives me bonkers cuz I dont like doing the single mom thing all day/week long, but his company has been moving into another office and he has had to be there for all the different hookups and setups and all the moving and organizing. He's rather excited about the little move cuz its gonna save them a ton on rent each month. So I guess it will be worth it. Although if I have to deal with the kiddies all by myself for much longer we might all be headed to the asylum for a very long time.

Nudity

2010-09-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

*****WARNING-- This post may contain some mild nudity.***********

So we are trying to potty-train the Bennie-boo. I hate potty training. I like the end result, but hate the process of getting to it. So we bought him his underwear and have made the switch. He has yet to make it to the potty. He knows when he has to go- he tells me- and we run to the bathroom- and he sits, for a minute- then tells me he is done and not 3 minutes later I am cleaning up after him- and not in the bathroom. I think he is afraid to actually do it where he is suppose to do it. If we are outside playing, then he has no problem peeing on the rocks, but since we cant being outside for longer than 30 minutes without melting, that doesnt really help much.
Yesterday Ben decided he doesnt like his underwear now, and after I put it on him, he takes it right off. Along with his shirt. I try wrestling him back into his underwear and his shirt but it has become exhausting cuz he takes it right off again and again and again and again. So I gave up. now he has been running around like this:

"He's out there Jerry. And lovin every minute of it!"

Round 2

2010-08-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

Last year Daniel and I went to Maui to celebrate our anniversary. It was FABULOUS! While we were there we discussed the future and decided that for our 9 year anniversary we would do something low key cuz we would have our newborn, and then for our 10 year, we would go back to Hawaii. Obviously my plan hasnt really gone according to plan. So we adjusted. Since we dont have a baby, I figured this year we better take advantage while we can, and hopefully by our 10 year I will have my baby girl.

So we headed off to Maui last week. HEAVEN! We stayed at the same resort we did last year. Its one of my all time favorite places. It is just beautiful and peaceful and the view is AMAZING! I cant get enough of falling asleep to and waking up to the magnificent sound of the ocean. Tranquility- I need more of that in my life I think.

Last year we did several of the "must-do-s" and this time we wanted to get in a few more. So we went para sailing. I admit we were both kinda freaked out beforehand, not knowing what to expect exactly, but it was really fun. I was expecting to be whipped about to get up in the air, but the launch is really smooth and then the whole ride is so calm and breathtaking. They take you up 800 ft, so you get to see miles and miles and miles around. Then they bring you back in just as smoothly as they launched off. They dont let you bring cameras with you unless they are waterproof-which mine is not, and we didnt want to pay the 40 bucks to have the guy take a picture for us, so the only pictures we have are the ones that are sure to fade in our aging brains. But it was awesome.

We also went on a dinner cruise and that was cool. We met a couple from Oahu that were island hopping for the weekend and they gave us all sorts of good info. The wife has raised 4 sons, so it was fun to get her take on surviving the wildness of it all. Perhaps I wont completely loose my mind with my 3 boys after all. And if we ever go to Oahu and get into trouble, we now have a friend in the police department.

We went to a luau and the hostess for the evening taught us how to flirt in Hawaiian. Daniel and I will never say "Aloha" quite the same way again. And apparently the bigger the flower you wear in your hair, the more desperate you are for a guy- i thought that was funny, and spent the rest of our time noticing the size of flowers people had in their hair.

We did the road to Hana again, but according to some of the locals, there hasnt been much of a rainy season this past winter and spring, so the waterfalls werent quite as spectacular as before. I thought it was still beautiful and enjoyed it.

We tried some new places to eat, and that proved interesting. We also went back to some favorites from last time. And we thoroughly enjoyed the Hawaiian shaved ice almost daily. We got in some shopping for little gifts for the kiddies, and Daniel got offered some "Maui wowie" at least 5 or 6 times. I didnt realize what Maui wowie was- honestly thought it was just an expression cuz Maui is just so wonderful and who can help but say "Maui wowie!"- but apparently my little innocent mind was wrong- its what the hippies call their weed, herb, drug, marijuana. Or so Daniel says. Maybe he is pulling my leg, sometimes I cant tell if he is kidding or not.

Ultimately as wonderful as Maui is, the best thing about it was getting to spend that time with Daniel. We usually get to hang out in the evenings after he is done with work and the kids are in bed, but by then we are mentally and physically exhausted; comes with the territory of parenthood. But to get a little break without work and kids- just that time to be us- well it was wonderful.

Daniels mom watched the kids for us. I felt horrible leaving her here in 115+ degrees with our 4 wild rascals, but they had a good time with grandma and spent lots of time creating and crafting and getting spoiled. How does one thank someone for taking on that burden of taking care of your most priceless gifts? I dont know, but the gratitude we feel is tremendous. They were loved in our absence, and we werent worried about them at all.

So we had a marvelous time, and cant wait to go back. If I still dont have my baby girl by next year then I think we might try Kauai. But if next year we take it low key cuz I have another sweet baby girl to call my daughter, I certainly wont be complaining. So we are looking forward to the future- whatever is in store for us, we are excited.

"Did I hear a niner?"

2010-08-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

On this day 9 years ago, it was the most wonderful day of my life up to that point. I was slightly sleep deprived-(OK really sleep deprived) excited, nervous, giddy, twidderpated, in love, and very happy. My mom drove me to the Timpanogos temple, where we met up with my dearest darling Daniel, filled out some paperwork, got the low down on where to go and what to do, then my mother and I went into the brides room in the temple, where she helped me get into my dress, gave me a teary hug before we again met up with my Daniel. She was taken into the sealing room, and Daniel and I were taken to the celestial room.

We sat there all excited and slightly anxious, talking quietly and holding hands. (we actually got to sit for quite a while as Daniels sister, her husband, and Daniels brother had gone through to do a session in the temple earlier- and weren't quite finished by the time we were ready to go) Then the sweet temple matron came and escorted us into the sealing room which was filled with several of the people we love most.

A friend of my parents was officiating, and he started out by telling a story of a young couple that had come in to be married, but for some reason the bride ended up rushing out of the room before she and her not-to-be husband were to be married. I think he must have been telling us this story to make sure we werent planning on a similar scenario. But I knew without a doubt Daniel was the man I wanted to be with forever.

I hadnt known Daniel for very long, but I had observed him in several situations and got a glimpse of his heart. I had fasted, prayed, pondered, meditated, and counseled with my parents and with my Father in Heaven before this day and knew with all my heart Daniel was the one for me. So after I told the officiator that I wasnt gonna go running out of the room, Daniel and I knelt across the alter and were married for eternity.

After hugs from family and friends, and after changing from our temple clothes, we had lots of squinty eye pictures -gotta love the August noon-day sunlight.

Then we headed over to the church for a little luncheon. Since I am the 6th of 7 kids in my family, I had been to a lot of wedding receptions in my youth. I decided I didnt want to spend my wedding night standing in a line.(not that there is anything wrong with that; I love being able to visit with relatives, and friends and neighbors- but I just didnt want to do so on the night of my wedding.) And Daniel didnt care about that either, so we invited several of our closest friends and loved ones to a luncheon instead.

Then we went back to my parents house, changed out of our wedding clothes, finished packing up the rest of my belongings, and drove to the airport with my mom and dad. This was a month before 9/11 so my parents were able to walk with us to the gate. Then I hugged my parents goodbye. It was kind of a symbolic moment- even though I will always be their daughter I was now my own family with my husband, and that hug goodbye was like the end of that life- my childhood, the teenage years and the claim of being their dependant. I was now an adult- even though I didnt feel like one- and this was a new beginning in my life.

Daniel and I were flying southwest airlines, so we didnt have assigned seats. And since we were the last ones on the flight, we didnt get to sit together. I was really bummed as all I wanted to do was hold onto my husband as my heart was aching from the sudden unexpected feeling of loss from saying goodbye to my parents. Thankfully it was a short flight from SLC to Las Vegas.

We loaded up in Daniels old 4-runner (to this day he still misses that car of his) and headed to the Venetian.(significant to us as that is where Daniel officially proposed) We somehow got lucky and they upgraded us to a sweet suite. We oooohhhhhed and aaaahhhhed over the luxury of the room, and then we knelt down together and said our first official family prayer, thanking our Father in Heaven for the incredible blessing of being sealed to each other for eternity.

9 years later- I look back to the day we became husband and wife with deepest gratitude. I am thankful I get to spend my life with my Daniel. In the 9 years we have shared, we have seen lots of good, some bad, and Daniel wakes up looking at the ugly! :)

I really dont know how I got so lucky to have Daniel. He is amazing. He is an incredible father to our children, he is a man of faith, of integrity, he is kind, and patient and quick to forgive, He is loving, and supportive, helpful and understanding. He is a great listener. He is dedicated, he works hard, and he can always be counted on. He is an awesome friend, and just a super awesome all around nice guy. Add to that his sense of humor, and his cooking skillz- well I am a lucky girl indeed.

SO to you my dearest darling Daniel- thank you for making these past 9 years what they were. Thank you for loving me so unconditionally- especially when you know my shortcomings better than anyone. Thanks for being the greatest friend I've ever had, and for being the incredible husband that you are. Oh how I love you with all my heart!

And they're off..

2010-08-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

These 2 were so excited, they were up and ready at 5:30 am. (School starts at 8:50.) And while I was happy that they were so excited to go, my heart kinda aches. Mostly cuz I'm worried about Toast. He is such a good kid, but he has a hard time socially. I'm anxiously looking at the clock hoping the time goes by fast so I can hear how his first day went. (please be ok, please be ok, please be ok)

Nose Trick

2010-08-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

This is it. The final weekend before the kids head back to school. Sad to say gooodbye to summer vacation especially when we'll still be way above 100 degrees for at least another month and a half.

We've been trying to survive the heat for the length of the summer. Our city built a new pool last year, and luckily for us its just a hop skip and jump away, not to mention totally cool for the kiddies, and major good people watching for me. When we dont do pool days we've been doing the rain-o-leen. This is where my kids take out the hose and go crazy on the trampoline. Kinda dangerous, but oh so fun. My Bennie-boo loves water balloons, which he calls "pop-ay-boons" and we have now added that to the rainoleen of fun.

And when the kids are worn out from that, they are crazy for crafts. Kylie loves beads. She makes bracelets, necklaces and a bunch of other little projects with her collection of beads. Her little brothers love to get into her beads and our 2 year old loves sticking beads up his nose. When Kylie was 3 she also liked to stick beads up her nose. One night as she was lying in bed she stuck one way up there and couldnt get it out. Daniel and I both tried to get it, but we were only pushing it further up her nasal cavity. So Daniel took her to the urgent care before we did some major damage. The dr described to Daniel a little object out of the nose trick and walah- the bead came out. I have used this trick a few more times in our years of toddlers discovering those holes in their noses. All one has to do is hold the opposite nostril closed with one finger and blow as hard as you can into their mouth with your own and walah- you get the object and a few boogers flying your way.

How does a mother survive the grossness factor of it all?

addiction

2010-07-28T14:56:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Kimmy, and I'm a pretzel m&m-aholic. Seriously. I am an addict. The first time I tried them I thought they were kinda gross. But after eating a few I couldnt stop myself, and before I knew it the bag was empty. The next time I went to the store I bought a bigger bag. It was gone before the day was through.(this time I had to share with my dearest darling Daniel and my little munchkins, but I admit- I still ate most of them.) This past weekend we bought the really big bag and it didnt last through the weekend. Now I find myself making excuses to go to the store just to get more-(which is craziness with 4 kids in tow- my crazy, hyper, rambunctious, energetic, wild kids. I do not like having to go to the store with all 4 kids, and do everything in my power to take any shopping trips when the kids are in bed, or on the weekend when Daniel can stay home with them. But I'm so addicted to those stinking pretzel m&ms that I load all 4 kids up just to go get more of those darn things. I cant help myself. This needs to stop! But I cant stop now, I'm ADDICTED!

Our summer vacation is starting to wind down. I am having mixed emotions about this. The kids start back to school in a week and a half, so we will have to get back to a routine. Get back to waking up at a certain time, getting to bed at a certain time, homework, yada yada yada. On the one hand- I think it will be great for Kylie and Tyler to spend a good chunk of the day apart. They have taken sibling rivalry to a new extreme. You would think someone sticking their tongue at you was like a bullet to the heart with the amount of screaming and crying that it causes. But I really like being on our own schedule. I have enjoyed the pool days, the movie days, the "pop-a-boon" days, the craft days, the cookie days. I have enjoyed making breakfast together without a rush to get somewhere. I am gonna miss the freedom of our own schedule. And I am really worried about how my Toast is gonna do for a new teacher and new class. He is a smart kid, but his little personality is a tricky one and he can be soooo frustrating when he gets upset and shuts down. I have been praying that whomever his teacher will be, she will be patient and understanding with this kid. Otherwise, he is gonna be miserable, his teacher is gonna be miserable and I am gonna be miserable.

Random change of subject. Daniel is a good guy. Some of the things I love most about him are just how loving and kind and giving and generous he is. He has such a good heart. But sometimes I get a little irritated with how good and kind he is. This probably makes me a terrible person- but we are having to deal with a frustrating situation, kinda because Daniel is such a good guy.
So Daniel home teaches this guy, whom is not active and probably wont ever be, but Daniel encourages and tries to be a friend to him. This guy has had a sting of bad luck, and literally didnt have a dime to his name. So a few months ago Daniel hired him to come mow our lawn. Daniel, being the good guy that he is, paid him generously(to help him out), and since then, this guy has been coming once a week, expecting the same payment. We dont need someone to mow our grass, especially not every flippin week. IF it was a priority we would do it- but its not. But Daniel wanted to help this guy out, so he gave him a job. But now the guy doesnt do a very good job, and still wants to get paid that "generous" amount, and has been treating the situation as if we are his own piggy bank. This guy comes during the day, when Daniel is at work and cant come home; This guy doesnt have a phone of any kind, so the only way Daniel can communicate with him is if Daniel drives over to his house, but as Daniel works 12-14 hour days, he hasnt gotten a chance to talk with him about this arrangement. As we were getting ready to head out of town for my familys reunion a few weeks back, this guy came by as we were heading out, so Daniel was finally able to talk to him. He told him we just needed a once a month mow. I was thinking we wouldnt see him until August, but he showed up today. It hasnt been a month yet and although I feel bad for him, times are tough right now in Daniels line of work and they have had several slow months, so our own finances are more strained. And as the kids are gonna need school supplies and clothes and backpacks and shoes I'm thinking to myself-- I cant afford to pay this guy especially when it hasnt even been a month from his last visit. So he mows the yard and then knocks on the door to let me know he is done- meaning its time to pay him. As I wasnt planning on him coming over for 2 more weeks, I didnt have the cash to pay him. I texted Daniel earlier and asked him what to do- and he said to tell the guy that he would swing by his place later to pay him. So I tell the guy this, and he gets kinda upset and tells me he needs the money now cuz he has to go pay his insurance on his truck. So I dont know what to do, cuz like I said I dont have the cash- and this guy is getting upset. So again- I text Daniel- who tells me to tell him he can come over to Daniels office and Daniel will pay him. So the guy gets the directions and goes.
I'm not liking this situation. And I'm trying not to be judgemental- but the guy has been a gang member and has been to prison before and I'm slightly afraid for my safety when he is here and Daniel is at work. And if I cant pay him and he gets upset- I kinda worry that he is gonna beat me up or something. Now maybe I'm being a bit dramatic- but I dont really know this guy. I feel bad for him, and I recognize he is a child of God- and I know we are suppose to help and serve one another, but I dont like that it has gotten to this point. So then I think of my sweet Daniel and I think- dear Daniel, perhaps you shouldnt always be so nice. It might get me killed. And your kids will have to go to school without new shoes, clothes, backpacks and supplies. Love Kimmy-the selfish, dramatic, and fearful pretzel M&M addict.

The Fam

2010-07-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

Last week we headed up to my familys annual reunion. We were planning on having this blessed event in San Diego, but had a quick change of plans. Luckily my sister-in-law managed to find a last minute super awesome house big enough for our family just outside of Cedar City. It was GREAT! The kids were able to run wild, hike, four-wheel, and grandpa even set up a totally awesome slip n slide. It was low key, low stress, and very fun. I have to admit, one of my favorite things was holding my beautiful niece Olivia. I just wanted to take her home with us, but Toast told me that would be stealing, so that plan didnt pan out.
Each year we have a little spotlight on one member of the family, and this year it was on my dad. My sister-in-law Kristy had the siblings each write down a favorite memory of my dad, and then after each one was read by another sibling my dad had to guess who wrote each one. I gotta say I am slightly irritated that my siblings dont think I can qualify for saying I know what slave labor is-(particularly the kind that was required when one went to work with my dad.) Granted when all my big brothers were around before heading off for missions and college and starting their own fams- I didnt have to be one of my dads slaves. They got the brunt of it, but once they were all out of the picture and my dad needed a hand- or wanted to teach me a lesson, then I had to suffer like the rest of them. OK, maybe he took it a little easier on my cuz I am a girl, but i think that only means that he didnt cuss around me like he did with the boys. But the evening was a special one with my family as we shared things about my dad, and I think we all got chocked up a time or 2, especially when my brother Jeremy shed a few tears after almost wetting his pants from a particular comical memory. Laughter through tears baby!
We tried getting a decent group shot before we all headed our separate ways, but alas- these were what we ended up with.

Oh how I love family. I look forward to seeing ya'll next year!

There's no crying

2010-06-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

We bought a fathers day card last week, the kind that talks when opened up. This particular card has a movie line quip by Tom Hanks from a league of their own... you know the one "there's no crying. There's no crying in baseball!" James and Ben are obsessed with that card and have been going around all week repeating that infamous line, which makes me laugh cuz Ben says it "der no eye-ing. der no eye-ing in bey-balls." and its just fun to hear him talk- but things got even better when at swim lessons James told him "there's no crying. there's no crying in swim lessons!" after Ben broke into the saddest cry when it was his turn to swim. Now James, Ben and I all say it on our way to swim lessons- although it hasnt helped. Ben still cries whenever its his turn.
We made a quick trip to San Diego last weekend, and spent a few hours at the beach. I got everyone all sunscreened up, but the wind coming off the ocean managed to interfere with my spray on protection. The kids had some interesting designs from some of the sunscreen working, and other parts of their skin being exposed to the sunrays. Ben was the best though- his swimsuit covered his buns when I sprayed him up, but as he played and ran his swimsuit kept slipping down, exposing his cheeks quite a bit- so his little bunz have been red and white striped this week.

James has been obsessed with Mario Galaxy-(Daniel bought it for some family Wii bonding time a couple of weeks ago) and whenever I tell him his time is up he has been throwing tantrums equal to those of his 2 year old stage. Not fun. I have been told at least 100 times that he hates me. I think I hate video games. They seem to be turning my sweet loving boy into a gremlin. So one would think that I would just ban my 4 year old(he says he is anyway) from the wii, but the reason I let him play is cuz it gives me 30 minutes to take my shower and get dressed and do my hair for the day without him and Ben upsatirs with me, schmearing toothpaste and bagbalm on the mirror the whole time. So the gremlin behavior is easier to clean up, and doesnt pose as much of a threat that my arm will come out of its socket in the process like cleaning that mirror does. Which has happened several times in the past few months, but I have been VERY LUCKY that its gone right back in. I really should hire a maid to clean my house, as its obviously hazardous to my health to do it myself. :)
Toast and Kylie have been doing a day camp this week. Daniel and I thought it would be something fun for them to do, but we are kinda disappointed with it. It's been lame-o. Just my opinion. I dont think we will be investing our time in that again. It feels like a day care. Which I dont need or want for my kids. We have lots of fun together doing our own "day-camp" things throughout the summer, but I thought this would be a good way for them to be more social as they are both very shy. And they have made a few new friends-Kylie has met 2 other girls her age named Kylie, which is fun cuz she has never met anyone yet with her same name- but all in all- it has not been what we were thinking it was going to be like. Live and learn I guess.

We have the leap frog alphabet letter fridge magnets on our fridge and for the past year Daniel and I have been exchanging love notes by taking turns rearranging the letters into creatively spelled messages of love. We are so cheesy sometimes it kills me, but I love it. Its fun to go to the fridge throughout the day and see something like- Kimmys my favorite- with upside down L's or sideways w's to make up for missing letters. We have had some pretty good laughs at some of the messages we come up with, like- Daniel is magically delicious- or Kimmy is my love heroine- but what has made this even more fun is that the kids have gotten in on it. I had arranged Kimmy really loves Daniel-(one of my rather basic and simple messages, but heartfelt just the same) but Toast decided to spice it up with this..

All I can say is, yes I do. It is a rather nice rump, in my opinion.

Toast to Toast

2010-06-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

Daniel really likes to channel Bob Parr aka Mr Incredible when the kids have any kind of recognition program- such as kindergarten graduation. He thinks "its psychotic- they keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity." So he was not very excited to have to go to Toasts graduation last night. It didnt help that we were in the very back row, and that I left him with the 2 yahoos aka James and Bennie-boo, and crept down the aisle to the front so I could snap a few pictures. (there were a bunch of other parents who had the same idea, so I was still pretty far back and then ended up with pictures of the backs of other people heads from them popping up the exact moment I was trying to snap a picture, so my effort was pretty much wasted anyway)
But Toast was very excited and that made it worthwhile. Now for some squint your eyes and try to find him pictures.
(T is for Toast- does that help you find him?)

(This is him shaking the hands of the tattooed principal)
(I tried to figure out what her tattoo was of, but my vision is horrible and my best guess
is a mosquito- as the schools mascot is just that- but I could be wrong)

(and here he is using his certificate as a spotting scope)

He looks all innocent and charming as we head out

But he turns into gremlin mode very quickly

                                    Kylie was bored by the whole thing. Note her pirate look
            She had a pirate party and this was the best "costume" we could come up with
                                          Personally I think its more "punk" than "pirate" but oh well.

Since we made a big deal about Kylies kinder graduation 2 years ago we had to do the same with Toast, so after his little program we let him choose his favorite place for dinner. He chose Olive Garden- weird cuz he isnt a pasta fan, but whatever floats his boat. So we took all 4 yahoos to dinner. Madness ensued. They sat us in a booth right between 2 parties of 4 made up of those 60 and older. They were none too pleased with my Bennie boo turning to them and growling/yelling/and calling them "grandpa". Nor did they appreciate Jamseys continual head bonking against the side of the booth, (this is why we dont take them out to eat unless its a one on one date-) But again- Toast was so excited that we couldnt be too irritated, and thankfully the old people werent mean about it.

So now we finally get to join the rest of the world on summer vacation. WOOHOO!

Over night

2010-06-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

While putting away laundry, I was talking with my Bennie-Boo and asked him why he was so silly. He says, "ohhh just cuz!" That kinda threw me for a loop. When did my baby start talking? A few minutes later he ran into his room and shut the door. So I took a break from the laundry and went and hid against the wall so when he opened it I could jump out with a loud "boo-ya!" and see him jump a mile high. Which he did- and we both laughed. But then he says, "you scared me mommy!" My jaw literally dropped and I looked at him for a good minute trying to figure out when did this happen. When did my baby go from "goo goo ga ga" to "you scared me mommy"? I think it really must have happened over night.

Since Monday was a holiday, the kids didnt have school, but Daniel had to get some work done, so he stayed home while Ben took a nap and I took the kids to see Shrek 3. When I asked James if he liked the movie this is how he responded: "well the bad guy has really big spikey hair and he has the witches on his team, and he gives Shrek a map that makes Shrek fall out of the sky, but when he hits the ground the witches throw skeleton balls at him and he gets some owies, and then the other shreks dont know him and they go fight the bad guy with the big hair and then everyone breaks into sixty five pieces and then they have a party...the bad guy doesnt like Jesus. But I do. He's so nice." Shrek in a nutshell.

Toast has yet another loose tooth, but he wont let me pull it out. I snuck into his room while he was sleeping to try to get it out, but even in his zonked out zone he swatted my hand away and turned his head into a position that wouldnt allow me to pry his mouth open. It's really bugging me cuz his big front tooth has been growing in and its knocking right into the loose one and I just need one good pull and it would be out, but Ty believes in letting it come out on its own. Its going to drive me insane if it doesnt come out soon.

2 weeks ago Kylie was tested at school because of her "academic achievements."(what does that mean? she's finishing up 2nd grade- what academic achievement?) Anyway they sent her results home and she is "an accelerated learner"- in the area of non verbal cognitive abilities-(what the heck is that?) and "above average" in verbal and quantitative cognitive abilities. Shes a smart one, no doubt, but what I find kinda funny and kinda worrisome at the same time is that she was slightly miffed she wasnt at the "genius/gifted" level. What to do with that girl.
I was having some fun the other day with google translator- you can put in any word/phrase/saying and have it translated into the language of your choosing. So I sent Daniel several love texts in Spanish, just to mix it up. He responded with "no comprendo." So I text him to have his Spanish speaking loan officer translate. Which I was kidding about- I figured he would have googled it himself, but since sarcasm doesnt come through texts very easily he took me seriously and had her translate my love texts to him. I am rather embarrassed now.(not cuz I was inappropriate or anything- I just really dont think having her translate "you are smoking hott" to Daniel was the best way for that to be said. She thankfully has a sense of humor, so no law suits will be filed.

"Laughter through tears...

2010-05-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

...is my favorite emotion."

In case you didnt know we are HUGE Lost fans. Several years ago, Daniel had a loan assistant whose husband bought her the first 2 seasons of Lost for a Christmas present, and she and he stayed up several nights in a row and watched them. She was obsessed, and brought them in for Daniel saying we had to watch. I remember not wanting to watch cuz it didnt look like my kinda show. I'm not big on drama/suspense/sci-fi. I am totally a romantic comedy/chick flick type. But we watched it. And pulled several all nighters in a row watching all of the episodes to that point. Waiting months in between each season was torture. And waiting each week to get more story was even more so. But after these years, it has now come to a close. And while it didnt give us answers to several of the "what the?"s we asked, Daniel and I loved how it concluded. I even cried. And I'm totally not a TV show crier. Certain movies (Charlie, Steel Magnolias, My Life) I can not watch without the water works. But a TV show? Please! But watching the moments of connection the characters had, and the coming full circle, not to mention the comedic tones amid the emotion, well I was weeping. Over a TV show. Sheesh. But I LOVED IT! And am now in mourning that the story has come to an end. Whatever shall we do on Tuesday nights now?

Thievery

2010-05-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday there was a knock on the door, and when I opened it up there was a package addressed to me. Kinda surprised as I wasnt expecting anything in the mail, I opened it up. Inside was a bag. A really nice handbag. I was very confused though cuz I had not ordered a bag, and my dearest darling Daniel knows that I'm kind of particular, so he would have asked my opinion before buying something like that. Besides there are a bajillion other gift ideas that would come before a bag.

I happen to be one of the "odd" females who isnt obsessed with bags. I'm just not a bag kinda girl. I stick my license, my debit card and my phone in my pocket, and I'm good to go. And Daniel knows this, so I was suspicious. Therefore, I called him.

He was just as baffled as me as to where this bag came from. So I say, "perhaps its a promotional gift." Daniel says, "so this company is gonna just send out bags to random people? Besides, where did they get your info?" Well of course I dont know, but it sounded good to me- a free and very nice bag--I'm all for it. No need to be suspicious- it is what it is! Even if I'm not a bag kinda girl- it's nice- and FREE!

Daniel, being the smarter half of our relationship, decides to investigate. And you know what he finds out? Well first- the bag is being sold for a hundred bucks. ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS! (dr evil style if you please.) For a bag. For crying out loud- it seems (in my humble opinion- and its probably just cuz I'm not into bags) that a bag is made with fabric- and not a whole lot of it. But sorry, that's a tangent I'm not meaning to go off on--(if you happen to be a bag kinda person and have spent more or less than this- I'm sure its lovely and probably a great investment! ;))

So back to Daniel investigating.. He finds out that it was charged to one of our cards by some suspicious email address not belonging to either one of us, nor anyone we know. So my free bag, was actually NOT free. Daniel looks into that account and finds some other charges that neither of us had placed, so he calls and gets things taken care of. And now we are returning the not free bag and getting a new card.

So here's the thing, the card is in Daniels name, not mine, but the bag was shipped to Kimmy Jackson, not Daniel Jackson(Daniel Jackson? he's a genius!). And that card is in Daniels wallet which he has with him at all times. So how the fetch did someone get that card number, but my info? I'm rather disturbed by this. And hello- why ship it to our address? If you've stolen someones card number and are placing an order- why ship it here, where someone might be smart enough to realize that we didnt order no stinking badgers and now we are gonna change that stolen info before you can do any more damage to that account? I, for one, am glad Daniel is smart enough to look into it. I was just gonna go skipping on my way with what I assumed was a promotional gift. I guess I can say I am a bit naive. Daniel completes me. ;)

(Tweeked movie trivia 4 times over, anyone, anyone?)

(make that 5)

Peace and Quiet

2010-05-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

So tonight is the father and sons camp out in our ward. Daniel went in early to work so he could take off early, so that he isnt pitching a tent in the dark like he's done in the past. Toast, Jamus and the Bennie-boo were outta control with excitement. As soon as Daniel walked in the door Toast yells, "ITS THE CAMP OUT!" And James and Ben start yelling their little heads off going "YAAAAAAAY YAAAAAAY YAAAAAAAAY!" It was nuts. They dont even get THAT excited about Christmas. But Im so happy they are going to have some male bonding time. That means Kylie and I get a little girls night out.
I always loved when my dad and brothers would go on the father and sons campout, growing up. It meant my sister, mom and I would get to have some girl time. Our tradition included some Parkers Drive Inn, a good movie, and me getting to sleep on my dads side of their bed at night.
Kylie has some different plans for us. As soon as she gets home from school, we are going out to have our feet pampered and our toenails painted. After which she wants to go to Target and Kohls for some shopping. Then she plans for us to head to Olive Garden for dinner. After that she thinks she is staying up to watch a movie, then she plans on sleeping on her daddys side of the bed for the night.
Its gonna be a fun night, but I gotta say, I am LOVING the peace and quiet for the moment. Its never this quiet during the day with those little rascals of mine. And to top it off my dearest darling Daniel gets to take care of their every little need for the next 20 hours.............. all by himself. BWAHAHAHAHA!

An angel to watch over me

2010-05-07T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today I was brought to tears when I received a package in the mail from my dear mother. She wrote a sweet little note that had me choked up, and had sent a little book called "An Angel to Watch Over Me," which got the tears flowing. Its a little book written by a very talented Sally DeFord that goes like this:

"She watched by my cradle through long, sleepless nights,

She taught me to pray as she knelt by my side,

She guarded my childhood, and all through the years,

She echoed my laughter, she counted my tears.

In the arms of my mother, I came to believe

That God sent an angel to watch over me.

She taught me the meaning of courage and faith,

She taught me to live with the Lord as my strength,

She taught me to follow the pathway He marked,

She guided my steps when the journey grew dark,

And I know there were dangers that I could not see,

But God sent an angel to watch over me.

She taught me to serve with a spirit that sings,

She taught me to seek after heavenly things,

And because of her love and her kindness and care,

Because of the place that I hold in her prayers,

And because of her goodness, I still believe

That God sent an angel to watch over me."

My mom sent this book to give praise to and encourage her daughters in their mothering, but the reason it got me chocked up is because this describes how i feel about her. She is most definitely an angel who has watched over me, supported me, encouraged, cared for, cried with, taught, nurtured, laughed with, protected, and most importantly loved. If there is any good in me, its because of her.

A few weeks ago we had a young womens activity- a getting to know you kind of thing, and we filled out a survey and then shared our answers. One of the questions was "what do you love most about your mom?" I didn't even have to think about it. My mother and I have had many talks on the topic of talents, and we both feel like we must have slept in the day they were handing those out in heaven. We have talked about so many individuals we know and their incredible talents and their ability to create beautiful things. One of her sisters has a gift with flowers- she creates the most beautiful arrangements. I swear she must have helped create the garden of Eden. Another sister is just so smart and kind and plays the piano beautifully. Her sister in law is the most amazing chef you could imagine. She creates the most delicious meals with such little effort. Her daughter in laws are so amazing with crafting and decorating and they have such a gift of patience with their children. Her eldest daughter is a master seamstress, and creates the most beautiful dresses for her daughters. And we have so many friends and extended family members who all have these and many other talents as well.Its hard not to be envious.

But my mom has one of the most incredible talents/gifts and it's one I desire like no other. She has the gift of charity. She is able to love others purely and unconditionally. Even when she knows the skeletons in the closet, she doesn't let that taint her view and her love for the person. And its not just her kids that she is that way with. Its everyone she knows. She doesn't pass judgement on people. She loves. I so want to be like that. Whenever I point this out to her though- She says she isn't like that. (she's also very humble) But those who know her- know she really is.

Her testimony and her faith are incredible. Anytime one of my siblings and I are in need of a miracle- we ask my mom to pray. We know her prayers are heard and answered because she has this exceeding great faith.

How extremely grateful I am for the wonderful mother I have. It is one of my greatest hopes, to be the kind of mother that she is.

A Post for Toast

2010-05-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

Our Toasty boy keeps loosing his teeth. The past 2 months he's lost 4. The tooth fairy was pretty good for 3 of those, but the fourth, not so good. Toast woke up and searched high and low for his compensation, and even had his sister help him search, but when the search proved to be futile he came into our room with the saddest look saying, "the tooth fairy doesn't like me." I told him the tooth fairy was in China all night long, and didn't have time to make it to Arizona before he woke up. This little episode repeated itself 4 times. F-O-U-R! 4!! You would think Daniel and I could pull it together, but once we head to bed the only thing we can think about is sleep. Finally the tooth fairy managed to get the job done, and even doubled the $$ received. So the Toast was very pleased indeed. So pleased that he bragged it up on the drive to school, telling our little friend all about his woes. She replies, "yeah, that happens." And she told Toast about the time that the tooth fairy didn't make it to her house for 3 days, and she got triple the $$$! Hearing her tale made my day. Its good to know the tooth fairy runs late at other homes too.

So thats how rumors get started

2010-04-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we drove up to Mesa for Daniels grandmas funeral. Friday we drove straight to the viewing and by the time we finished visiting, then getting dinner and getting the kids to bed, it was 11 o'clock at night. I rushed to get everyone dressed and ready for the funeral the next morning, and once we got to the church my kids were already in emotional distress. My boys are usually pretty wild and crazy, but add to that the lack of several hours of sleep that they usually get- they were monstrous. So during the family prayer both James and Ben are screaming their heads off, so Daniel takes them into the hallway. After the prayer, I went out there and decided that I would take the 2 youngest away so that Daniel could attend his grandmas funeral in peace.

So we drive around for a little while, then come back in time to head over to the cemetery. Kylie is usually the one who can function normally on lack of sleep, but even she had a meltdown. And Tyler was grouchy as can be and then my other 2 were running around jumping on headstones and pulling flowers out of vases all the while screaming at the tops of their lungs. SO MUCH FUN!
So after the cemetery we head back to the church were there is a luncheon. Daniel has about a bajillion relatives. And he claims he doesnt even know most of them. So there are a million people everywhere and I have 4 of the grouchiest sleep deprived kids who are out of control and at this point they are starving and knowing them I know they will refuse to eat whats being graciously served, which will only increase their monstrous moods. So I decide I will let Daniel visit in peace, and i will take the kids to chick fil a, let them eat, then they can play on the play place and hopefully not bring the place crumbling down.
So then Daniel calls me as the luncheon is winding down and asks if I want to head over to his cousins house to catch up with them for a little bit. And as he is talking to me I am wrestling Ben into his car seat and trying to get James into the car and out of the way of a few cars driving by and everyone is screaming and I've beyond had it. So i yell into the phone (in order for Daniel to hear me above the rucous) whatever he wants to do is fine, and quickly hang up so I can try to deal with the kids.
We go back to pick Daniel up, then we drive to his cousins house and Ben finally falls asleep, so I'm like- I'm gonna stay in the car until he wakes up cuz really thats best for everyone involved. So Daniel goes in and all my other kids decide they dont know this guy or his kids and therefor they want to stay in the car with me. After Ben wakes up, we all go in and visit for a few minutes, then we head out so we can go say goodbye to Daniels parents and 2 of his siblings.
So we say our goodbye to them, go get the kids some dinner, and then start the drive back home. Once the kids fall asleep, I finally breathe a sigh of relief and Daniel and I can talk in peace. He tells me his cousin is worried about us. And I ask him why on earth would he be? Then we look back over the past 12 hours. And we laugh.
I love my married life with Daniel. And everyday I'm so grateful that I have him. But somedays I yell into my phone. Especially when I'm dealing with my 4 wild ones. And now days its gonna be rare for me to be at his side, smiling and looking lovey dovey into his eyes. More often then not I'm trying to keep my kids from destroying everything and each other. It doesnt mean we arent happily married. It just means we are smack in the middle of raising our wild pack of offspring. :)
SO no need to worry dear cousin. All is well.
(But if you wanna offer to babysit for a week- I'm beyond ready for a VACATION!)

2010-04-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

Daniels dear Grandma Wheeler passed away this morning, and since this blog is our little family record/journal, I wanted to write down a few of my memories of this dear lady. Sadly I dont have any recent pictures of us with her, but these ones are kind of dear to my heart.

When Daniel and I had our brief 2 months of dating before we got engaged, one thing that I LOVED about Daniel was how cute he was with his grandma. He spoke so highly of her and when I met her for the first time the interaction between them was so sweet and genuine. Daniel cared so deeply, and was right there to take care of any need he could foresee. They would crack jokes all the time, and one that we heard quite frequently was how she wasnt ready to kick the bucket quite yet. She had such a cute sense of humor and always had us laughing. 

After we were married we would go visit her a couple times each month. Daniel has a lot of relatives in the Mesa area, and it was kind of a tradition to go to grandmas on Sunday evenings. We did that a few times, and while it was fun for Daniel to see his cousins, he didnt get that one on one time with his grandma, so we tried to visit during the week when he could really visit with her. She was always trying to feed us. ALWAYS. Even right after finishing up a meal. Her freezer was ALWAYS stocked with schwanns ice cream treats, and she wouldnt let us leave until we had both finished off a bar or 2. After we had kids she, again, was ALWAYS trying to feed them. If our baby was fussy- she wanted someone to give that baby some food! While I dont think i found it funny then, I think back now and just laugh. 

After we had Tyler, grandma was always calling Tyler "Daniel."  When Daniel would answer "what?" or "yes?"she would give him a funny look and then laugh.  It cracked me up. 

When Daniel and I got married, we being the poor newlyweds that we were, were using Daniels futon mattress as our bed. It's a full size. Now I dont use a lot of bed space. But Daniel being the extremely tall guy that he is was dangling off at all ends. Anyway 2 weeks after we were married we went over to visit, and we were kinda laughing at our sleeping arrangements. Before we left she handed Daniel a few hundred bucks to "help (us) kids out." She had already given us several wedding gifts, but her generosity knew no bounds. 

A few weeks later we had her over for dinner. Now again- being the poor newlyweds, we didnt have a kitchen table. We were using the box that our TV came in. (I think thats what we used our wedding monies on- gotta love our priorities) We had a couple of missed matched chairs and a barstool, and it was really quite the humble looking site, so Daniel apologized. She was quick to complimented us on our creativity. I loved her so much for her loveliness that night. She praised my cooking, and shared in our little newlywed bliss and plans. She was so loving and never once was critical or judgemental or made us feel uncomfortable with the fact we were eating on a box, and had no furniture to our name. 

Grandma Wheeler always asked me about my family. I think she sensed that I hated being so far away from them. I loved that she took that interest and tried to ease some of the homesickness I felt. 

Daniels family is VERY affectionate. And i think it stems from his grandma. In my family we hug. So when I first met grandma Wheeler I went to give her a hug, and she pulled me in for a kiss...ON THE LIPS!!! I was STUNNED! Who kisses people on the lips, unless the person is your spouse? And she did it AGAIN when I went to give her a hug goodbye. After we got married and would go to visit- that was always her greeting and farewell. A kiss ON THE LIPS. And while I wasnt comfortable with that and thought it was so weird that she does with EVERYONE and so in turn you were swapping spit with anyone who happened to also be at her house at the same time, there was NO WAY OUT! I tried to go in for a kiss on the cheek cuz that seemed less intrusive even though that was a bit awkward for me too, but NOPE- grandma would grab your chin or shoulders or whatever and pull your face right into hers. I dont kiss my own parents. And I dont even kiss my own babies on their lips-(partly cuz my babies spit up and if you went to kiss them on the mouth- chances are pretty high for getting a mouth full of spit up- also cuz its just WEIRD. Kiss their foreheads, their cheeks, their hands and feet, but lips?  the only person that I think is ok to do that to is Daniel.) So like I said- affectionate family. Thinking about that cracks me up. Sweet Grandma Wheeler. Just trying to share the love I guess.

The last time we saw Grandma Wheeler was at Daniels cousin wedding back in December. She had us busting up in the sealing room in the temple while we were waiting for the bride and groom to come in. But of course you cant really laugh out loud in the temple, so we were shaking from holding it in. She would just blurt out what was on her mind and didnt bother with with the whispering business. One of Daniels cousins was sitting by her and tried reassuring her that they would be in soon, but she certainly let us know that it was taking all day. 

Since grandmas health has been declining for a while, her passing wasnt a surprise, and since she has lived a very full life, we are happy that she is now reunited with her husband and those loved ones that have proceeded her in passing on. But we will certainly miss her and her feisty, yet so loving personality. She was certainly remarkable.

Quick little family reunion

2010-04-07T16:28:00.000-07:00

We headed out on the open road last weekend, and got to spend conference and Easter with my dear family. What a trip. Daniel worked around the clock in order to take off a few days, but we are thankful he did so we could spend that time with family. We are usually home for most holidays and such, so it was nice to celebrate with everyone for a change.
My sweet mom watched the kids for us for a few hours on Friday, so Daniel and I could go to the temple. We havent been to the temple in a very very very long time. One thing I think we took for granted when we lived in mesa was the fact the temple was so close and one could easily find a babysitter for a couple of hours, but now its almost an entire day to go, so we havent been able to. That was so refreshing to go and spend that time with Daniel. We got married in that temple and have only been back once since, so it was fun to sit in the celestial room and reminisce about one of our favorite days.
Saturday we colored Easter eggs with a few of the cousins that were also staying at grandmas. unfortunately i didnt quite boil the darn eggs long enough, so we had 2 dozen runny gooey eggs. My bad. But the kids had fun coloring them anyway.
Saturday night we walked outside to a silent snowfall, and woke up to a winter wonderland. I am all about winter wonderlands and glorious snowfalls.... for Christmas. Easter I want tulips, green grass and BLUE skies. It was FREEZING! So we had to do the Easter egg hunt in grandmas basement. The kids had a blast and found all the eggs in a matter of a few minutes, and then proceeded to spend the rest of the day eating candy. We are just trying to do our part to help the dentists of the world.
After watching the uplifting and encouraging conference sessions, everyone of my siblings came over to grandmas house for Easter dinner. It was chaos, but it was so nice to sit and visit with my brothers and sister(s). And we finally nailed down the date for the official Hall family reunion this year. So exciting!
One very special treat about this trip was meeting our newest neice Olivia. She is soo beautiful. She made me even more baby hungry for my own baby girl. I absolutely love her guts. Her already back to her prebaby size mommy(no fair lala- if i didnt love you, I'd have to hate you-) had her decked out in the cutest little outfit, tights and headbow. I wish I had a picture, cuz she seriosuly is just the cutest.
I love being with my family, but after getting to see everyone I am always so sad to be back home, so far away, knowing it'll be months before I get to be with them again. (Hear the violins yet.....cry me a river... I'm very talented at whining :))
So we got back late Monday night, and found a few pictures knocked off our walls, and a few other things out of place and knocked over. Apparently we missed an earthquake while we were gone. we were so thankful that it was minor.
So now we are trying to enjoy the last little bit of spring break. Oh how we missed the sunshine and warm weather. Gotta enjoy it while we can before we are all dying from the heat. say 3 weeks or so?

"I 2!"

2010-03-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

The Bennie-booger is 2! We celebrated Bens birthday yesterday. We usually celebrate birthdays in the evening. We let the kids pick their favorite dinner, then we do the gifts, and then their cake. But Daniel was teaching a class last night, so we did things a little differently. We celebrated much earlier in the evening, with presents first, then cake before dinner. But Ben didnt care. He was happy as a 2 year old could be. He kept saying "appy birday, yay" over and over, and when we asked him how old he is he replied, "i 2!!!" He was literally all smiles.
Some things we love about our Bennie-boo:
Ben has been a snuggler from birth. Even being the busy bodied 2 year old that he is, he still loves snuggles and I cant get enough.
Ben is just a happy kid. Aside from the occasional temper tantrums, Ben runs around with a smile all day long. He is just genuinely happy 97% of the time.
Ben is so loving. Anytime anyone cries in this family, Ben is there giving them loves. It seriously melts my heart.
Ben is so easy to get to laugh, and his laugh makes the rest of us laugh.
Ben is the destroying angel. He loves to get into everything and makes GINORMOUS messes in the matter of seconds, but he's so stinking happy that its really hard not to laugh at him. He's so proud of himself when he's managed to empty out the fridge and is covered in ketchup, ranch, or pickle juice and cramming "m ms" into his mouth. And he always offers to share those "m ms"- he's just so generous. :)
Ben loves to jump. And its hilarious watching him do it. He goes around saying "ump ump ump" while jump jump jumping. My all time favorite is when he jumps jumps jumps and then his feet slip right out, and he falls on his little butt, then looks up smiling saying "wowie wowie!" I think he means owie owie, but its a very impressive stunt, so wowie explains it quite well.
Anyway-we are so thankful Ben is a part of our family. He's definitely a keeper.

what could have been

2010-03-13T20:56:00.000-08:00

***Warning- this post is a little personal***
Feel free to not read it. I wont mind. ;)

This past weekend we decided to head out to San Diego. I will say it a hundred times over- one of the greatest things about living in this desert wasteland is that its just a hop skip and a jump to drive there from here.
We spent the day exploring balboa park and loved it. We listened to a really awesome street musician play, checked out their botanical garden, splashed around in the big fountain, played at the science museum and watched the IMAX about dolphins. What a day!

Only it was a little bittersweet as I spent the day having a miscarriage.

Last August Daniel and I felt good about adding to our "herd." So I went in to get my IUD out, they couldnt find it, September I had another appointment where they still couldnt find it. October I had a CT scan where they actually found it, then had my preop, then in November had that fun little surgery to get it taken out.
Since then we have been trying for our baby girl. With my other babies, I havent even had to try getting pregnant. Its just happened. Even when I was preventing some of them. This time I thought it was gonna be kind of the same. And sure enough, I took a pregnancy test not very long ago and it was positive.
So Daniel and I (mostly "I", as Daniel doesnt really feel like its "real" for him until he can feel the little rascal do some in-utero gymnastics) start planning and thinking about the future with our new little one. I was certain she was gonna be our baby girl. She was gonna be due early November. I figured we would have my Uncle do an ultrasound for us when I was 16 weeks so Daniel could have proof that she was indeed a girl. I thought about how this coming Christmas was gonna be her first. I was scheming of ways to make sure we could keep my mom down here for a few weeks after the baby would arrive, and part of that included having my mom here for Thanksgiving. I was thinking about how fun it would be to tell the kids their little prayers for a baby sister had been answered-(after the 16 week ultrasound of course). Just lots of plans for this year. I had even made a stop into the baby girls section of Target and almost bought a cute little dress, but figured it was the wrong season for my baby. (and ok, there was a slim chance "she" could have been "he," but I figure I'm due for a girl. Plus my new motto is "doubt not, but be believing. hehehe :))
So as my hormones have been a little wacky, I've been a little emotional and am rather disappointed, but here's the thing, I know I have NO right to complain. I've been blessed with 4 healthy albeit CRAZY babies. And I most likely will be able to conceive again in a few months,(please be a girl, please be a girl)but my little selfish self wanted things to go according to MY plans for right now. (well i hadnt accounted for a rouge IUD, so that threw me off several months from my original plan, but hey- I can be adjustable. Just not so much so after Ive had 2 pink lines on the stick show up.)
SO even though I know I have no right to complain, I complained anyway. I shed a few tears yesterday -(me thinks wacked hormones played a part in my wacked out emotions) and kinda took an abrupt attitude in my prayers last night. Now, I know better than to be upset with my Heavenly Father. But again- hormones- so I knelt to pray and was a little bit ornery.
But then this morning as I snuck a few minutes away from my hyperactive wild ones, I cracked open my scriptures, again, a little ornerily, and by chance, happened to read Proverbs 3:5-6. I quote "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy paths."
My disappointment has been turned into hope. My attitude has been gently humbled. My spirit has felt the assurance that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me. And His plan is better than my plan. I just need to trust. And so I will.

Lost it

2010-03-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt like "you've lost that blogging feeling, oh that blogging feeling. you've lost that blogging feeling, now its gone, gone, gone, woah oh oh oh!"
My mother starts to worry about me if I don't blog at least once a week. And seeing as how its been almost 2 weeks,(actually only a week and a half but we like to round up) I figured I better get on it today.
Last week Daniel was out of town for a mortgage conference of sorts. Ive learned a few things while doing the single parenting thing. One is that my house miraculously stays a little bit cleaner when he's gone. 2 is that I have a little more patience with the kids when I know I'm doing it all by myself. Nights when I expect Daniel to be home at 6 and he doesn't get here until 7, I loose my patience soo much more quickly. 3 is that my poor boys need an outlet for their insane amount of energy and without daddy to wrestle and body slam with, they end up even more crazy than usual and by the time they are in bed, they still haven't worn themselves out and it takes over an hour of tossing and turning before they finally tucker out for the night. 4 is that its no fun to hang out with myself at nights. Its really lonely. And even watching Lost lost its magic as i couldn't gasp with Daniel and scream at the evil lock-ness monster together. And lastly- i think i need to shrink cuz i cant sleep without Daniel. I need him to protect me from the boogie man. Its ridiculous. Im 30 flippin years old and Im afraid of the boogie man. I was awake until 3 am every night lying in bed freaked out of my mind with every noise I heard and praying as hard as I could that i wasnt going to get slashed to bits by some crazy burglar psycho killer. So I'm really grateful Daniel is now home to protect me. And I'm really glad he doesnt have a job that requires him to travel very often.

So in other news, the boys finally got haircuts. Its been since January since they got trimmed up, so they were shaggy beyond belief. Its amazing how their looks change with a nice cut. And it was really nice to chat with Shami. James is now in love with her as she "rescued" him. My boys like to go barefoot, so while they had shoes on when we drove over there, they quickly kicked them off before we arrived and since we were just getting haircuts, i figured they'd be fine. They first came in and went to play, but then ended up outside. Shamis house is the only house in their subdivision at the moment, so all around them are empty lots with weeds and desert sagebrush and lots and lots of thorns. So after a few minutes, Ben comes crying into the house and Toast tells me he has bloody feet, so I pick him up and sure enough he had a bloody foot. 5 full thorns were just completely smashed into his feet, and he had lots of little tiny ones that must have broken off on his walk back to the house. That night I counted all his poke marks and he had over 30 on one foot alone. Tragic. So while I was helping my Ben, Toast was worried and I asked him what was up and he says, "you need to get James!" So Shami being the wonder-woman she is, takes off and finds James like 4 lots down howling in agony. She carried him back and quickly got to work tweezing out all his thorns too. Quite the adventure. So now James keeps telling me the following phrases at least once an hour: "Shami rescued me mom! Shes my first best friend!" "Mom, Shami pulled out my thorns and made me better." "Mommy I was dead meat and had ten hundred owies, but Shami saved me!" We are definitely thankful for the superhero Shami this week.

And last but not least, I am a SCHMO! Friday night and Saturday morning I received several calls from our ward secretary. Poor guy doesn't know that I have a morbid fear of answering my phone. Anyway he called like ten hundred times. He even called Daniel, and Daniel guilted me into calling him back. So the guy asks me to give the closing prayer in sacrament meeting for the next day. I say yes, but instantly my guts get all knotted up cuz I HATE being in front of people. And I am still trying to get over my embarrassment from like 3 Sundays ago when i made a comment that didnt even make sense in relief society .( i really did have a much more interesting comment, but I cant seem to make my mouth and brain connect when talking in front of people. its a curse.)So for the rest of the day I was rather tense thinking about it. really- its not that big of a deal, but like I said- I'm cursed. I probably would end up praying for Satan to have a change of heart or something- there is no guarantee my prayer will be appropriate. SO Sunday early morning we got a fantastic rain storm. I woke up around 4 and listened to the rain for a while, but then fell back asleep and Daniel and I ended up sleeping in until 9. The kids had all woken up several hours prior, but had gone downstairs to have some alone time without mommy telling them what not to do. SO we have a home alone wake up scene, except Daniel laughs while I scream/panic, and then I figure we will never make it if I have to get everyone dressed and hair done and i still have to get them breakfast and pack a diaper bag and i hadn't ironed the boys clothes yet either, so I decided they were gonna get out of church free, on account of me trying to keep my word about giving the dang prayer. So I get myself ready, and rush out the door. I got to church at 9:40. plenty of time before the prayer. But the dang chapel door was closed. I was hoping i could have slipped in quietly and unnoticed on the bench nearest the door, but as the door was closed, I would have had to open it and then i wouldnt have been so inconspicuous. So I sat on the couch in the foyer, trying to talk myself into opening the flippin door. yes i am Psychotic to the extreme! Anyway i sat a little too long and the poor member of the bishopric that was conducting was texting a few members trying to find someone else to fill in cuz i was no where in his line of vision(good to know he doesnt have xray vision. I have often wondered if thats one of those gifts members of bishoprics receive when they are called cuz sometimes when they are on the stand and I have a guilty conscience it seems like they glare right at me with xray vision and then im like- oh carp! they know i didnt do my visiting teaching just with their soul xraying vision gift.) But anyway he found someone else and then after the someone else offered the closing prayer I slipped back out the church doors and drove home to relate my tale to Daniel, who laughed and told me he loves me. Glad i married someone who can think my psychosisness is another reason to love me. he's one in a bajillion! Anyway I texted the guys wife asking her to please tell her husband i'm sorry. I tried. which she did. But now that I have come to grips with my schmoness- I am thinking maybe its a good thing this happened cuz now they'll definitely be thinking twice about what calling i get next.

Day of Birth

2010-02-25T13:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we celebrated Daniels day of birth. Daniel isnt one who likes a whole lot of attention, so a few of his coworkers thought it would be funny to make his birthday a big deal. They got a huge sombrero with a "its my birthday" button and made him wear it. Boy did he love that. Then they had a little potluck, fiesta style, for lunch. They decorated and had party favors and the works. It was so very thoughtful of them, and even though Daniel wasnt too thrilled with the sombrero, he/we appreciated them helping make part of his work day much more entertaining than it otherwise would have been.
I unfortunately was chasing my kids around his office, so i didnt get pictures, and then at home when we celebrated with the kids, Ben was outta control so I didnt get any of that celebration either. Thats life i guess.
SO my youngest brother and his wife have been expecting their first baby, and Daniel and I thought it would be pretty cool if they ended up having her on Daniels birthday. In our extended "Hall" family we have several shared birthdays, Its bound to happen when there are about a zillion of us, but when we hadnt heard anything when we headed up to bed we just figured it wasnt gonna happen. And it didnt, but she was born in the wee hours of the morning, so we were very very excited to hear their good news. And chances are pretty good that we will be remembering her birthday every year.

Trouble with boys

2010-02-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

Yet another picture of evidence of the destruction at the hands of Ben. What makes this little mess even more memorable is that Ben knows if he is gonna make a mess he has to do it when I am not in the room, otherwise I spoil his plans, so he did, but his daddy happened to be in the kitchen as well, but did daddy put a stop to his mess making fun? Nope. He was too busy playing games. Both of them are on my naughty list.

Then James comes in acting all suspicious and not showing me his hands, so when I finally get him to show me-

..He tells me,"ME a spy kid!" Right. Makes perfect sense now.

And finally, Kylie is desperate for a sister- so much so that she is substituting her brothers. Lovely.

I have come to the conclusion, we are all a bunch of psychos.

Team Territorial

2010-02-20T13:40:00.000-08:00

Daniels business affiliate hosted a walk for muscular dystrophy today, so team "territorial mortgage" jumped on board, wearing our matching shirts and we walked the walk. Well kinda. Kylie and Tyler road their bikes, with training wheels. Ben and James rode their trikes, half way, then Ben gave up and threw himself on the ground, so Daniel had to carry his bike in one arm and Ben in the other. We just LOVE the 2 year old stage.(that was sarcastic!)
After the walk they gave everyone metals, and that made the kiddies think we "won" the race, all though it wasnt a race and we were the very last ones slowly walking in, a good 10 minutes after everyone else.
Daniels team has undergone some, uh, "interesting" changes this past month, but with change comes new opportunites and we are loving the new team. One of the new loan officers could be Celine Dions twin, although Daniel doesnt happen to agree. SHE TOTALLY COULD BE!
Anyway we had a great time walking for a great cause, and were with great people. And guess what added to the greatness-- the weather! This week has been my kinda mid-February weather. Close to 80 degrees, blue skies, sunshine, light breezes. Heaven!

Biker gang

2010-02-15T08:51:00.001-08:00

Our 2 oldest got bikes for Christmas 2 years ago, and after they both crashed once-(with training wheels) they decided they didnt want to try biking again.... until I went on and on and on about how their friends all love riding their bikes- without training wheels, and that they should give it another go. So Daniel pumped up their tires and they rode up and down the street... with training wheels. Our neighbors even joined in the biking fun.

I told Daniel it was time for them to learn without the wheels, so we took them off. Neither kid would try it. They were so stubborn. Like mules. I bribed and pleaded and tried every trick in the book, but they wouldn't touch the bike unless it had those blasted training wheels on. James and Ben brought out their trikes and had a blast riding in the road, until they discovered a neighbors dog locked up in their gate.

Then they decided to just go sit and talk to the dog for a good 20 minutes. Weirdos. They were really cute though and when they got back on their "bikes" they gave each other some "fives" and "stones."

So Kylie and Tyler are terrified to try new things- like the bikes, and both tend to be extremely shy. James and Ben are both rather friendly and are both dare devils. I think Ky and Ty must have taken all the cautious genetics and left the younger boys without an ounce of it. Ben is training to be the next evil kinevil, without the ring of fire, motorcycle and the ramp...

private

2010-02-08T17:20:00.000-08:00

If I were to ask what would be the 5 top reasons your kids principal calls you, what would those be? If I said the kid is a kindergartner would that list change? And if I said that kid is also of the male gender, would that impact your list as well?

Today I got a message from my male kindergartners principal. She said, "Ms Jackson, there was an incident at school that I need to talk with you about." So I call back, but as it so happens she was in a meeting. So I wait for a return call. 10 minutes later the school calls back saying the principal had a drs appt, so she will call back later. That was a pretty mean trick in my opinion .

So I actually googled reasons why a principal would call a kindergartners parent. Unfortunately there wasnt much research on the topic.

I asked Tyler in a non threatening way what happened at school, if anyone teased him or made him upset and if he decided to seek his revenge by whacking someone on the head, or did he take something that didnt belong to him, or did he speak out of turn. He looked really worried but he couldnt think of anything. So I waited and waited and sent many a text to Daniel throwing out reasons why his principal was calling me.

This is my top 5 list:

1: He pulled the fire alarm. again

2: He stabbed a kid with his pencil. again

3: He peed on the school playground. (thankfully, we havent been called on that one yet)

4: He stole something. (thankfully we havent had this problem yet either)

5: He told his teacher he hated him. (I could see this one happening cuz he tells me he hates me when hes really mad at me)

Daniel list includes:

1: He peed on the teachers desk

2: He took his pants off

3: He went running around the classroom uncontrollably

Well after much anxiety and 2 hours later, I talk with this principal. The "incident" as it so happens, was Tyler decided to "show his privates" to another kid. Why? I have no idea. Nor did she. All she knows is that one of the students came up to Tylers teacher and said just that.

So heres the thing, I know this kind of thing happens. He is a kindergartner. And a boy. And boys are just weird. But geez- why does it seem like its always MY kid that is the only one that does these kinda things?

Sass

2010-02-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

So every morning before Kylie leaves for school, I say, ""Bye honey. Make good choices!" If you recall it is from the movie Freaky Friday. It drives Kylie bonkers, which makes me laugh, so I keep doing it. I guess thats mean of me, but i already know I am a mean mommy as my kids like to tell me that anytime they dont get their way. Anyway today I picked her up from school to take her to piano lessons and asked her if she did indeed make good choices. My little sassafras told me that if I dare say "bye honey, make good choices!" to her again, she will "duct-tape (my) mouth shut!" My jaw dropped. Where did this sassy little thing come from? And where in the world did she come up with a comment like that? Geez- if she is like this now, I am really worried about her teenage years. Perhaps I should rethink my desire to have a baby girl.

In other news, we have locked up our fridge and pantry from the hyperactive Bennie-boy. Unfortunately he has broken through 4 different locks on the fridge, and we arent quite sure what to try next. The pantry however is holding up nicely. Being the mean mommy that I am, I had to take a few pictures of Bens reaction when he went to try the fridge the first time. Too bad that obstacle didnt last very long.

Here he is pulling with all his might!

Someone is getting upset!

When the meltdown doesnt work, he turns to his daddy and says, "open!"

I am such a mean mom!

Rumor

2010-01-29T22:05:00.000-08:00

Daniel and I and our "herd" of kids went to a friends house for dinner tonight. We had a great time visiting, playing games and eating. So as we are talking our friends mention that they heard a rumor. Rumor is that Daniel and I are having problems in our marriage and that we are getting divorced. WHAT THE FLIP? First off- let me say if you have heard this rumor- NO WE ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT!!! In all honesty, I consider my marriage one of the greatest blessings in my life. Daniel is my best friend, my eternal companion, the love of my life. Of all the things that could ever be wrong in my life, my marriage will never be on that list. EVER. I'll let you in on a little secret: Daniel and I are and have been and forever will be blissfully happy in our marriage. We may occasionally get into disagreements but they are always very minor and we work it out.
Ok- so I want to know who in their right mind would have started that rumor and why. Daniel thinks that maybe it was a fellow ward member who gave me and 2 of my kids a ride home from church like 9 months ago, but the only reason I was walking home was cuz one of the younger boys puked and Daniel took them home to clean them up and take care of them.I told him I would find a ride with someone, but then felt silly asking for a ride so we started walking- it isnt that far of a walk anyway, but why would that start that kind of rumor? That cant be it.
Just to be clear, I'm not offended, but am really curious and shocked that this rumor is out there. so in case any of our fellow Yumians have or will hear such a thing, its simply NOT TRUE!!! ;)

Swings

2010-01-26T12:13:00.000-08:00

Last night Daniel got home BEFORE it was time to get the kids ready for bed, (a completely shocking event!!!) so we went to our favorite park to let the crazies run wild for our FHE activity. At one point we were all on the swings together, pretending we were flying. That moment brought back many fond memories. (Cue for a slightly blurry black and white image of a younger version of Daniel and myself at a park)

When Daniel and I were "dating," we went to the park one night and had some fun on the swings. As we swung higher and higher we seemed to fly into our own world together. The stars were twinkling, the crickets chirping, and the palm trees swayed from the refreshing breeze. As we gazed into each others eyes we talked about us, and the future, and just everything.(The night got even more memorable when we got kicked out by some cops who thought we were some trouble makers from a park graffiti-ing gang, but thats a story for another time)

So back to last night. We swung with the kids until we all felt motion sick, and then we headed home. On the way back I reminisced with Daniel of how romantic that night of swinging was. Daniel comments, " now it's just nauseating!" At which point we look at each other and bust up with laughter.

Daniels no pun intended comment has me thinking though. Back when we were young "lovers"-(for some reason I cant seem to say or think the word "lovers" without cracking up..) any and all of our PDA was, in my strange little mind, so romantic. And now, looking back.... ewwww- gross! I mean, even seeing young lovers today make out in public just makes me kinda shudder and recoil. But yet when I see an old couple hold hands or laugh together, or see a husband get the door for his wife and see them share a genuine smile- i cant help but think, "awwwwww, now thats sweet!"

CHEESE!!!

2010-01-21T10:47:00.000-08:00

I came downstairs this morning after taking a lightning speed fast shower cuz I know that my little Ben will literally get into anything and everything and I will be cleaning up for hours. Today he got out a block of cheese and was happily nibbling away in a corner, and he happily said "cheese" for me when I grabbed the camera.

Meet Ben the mouse.

So a few nights ago Daniel asked me why I hadnt written a new blog post lately. I had to laugh cuz last week I spent almost every waking hour cleaning up after Ben. He is a maniac. At many various times I had to clean up yogurt and go-gurts and yogurt smoothies that had been dumped on the couches, the carpet, the floor, the tables, the walls, the cupboards- you name it. Four jars of pasta sauce were thrown out of the pantry and all over the kitchen. all at different times. I HATE cleaning up broken shards of glass! The ketchup from the fridge was used as paint one day. A bottle of V8 was dumped all over the couch and the carpet. A new box of Fruit Loops was opened and throw all over the kitchen and family room and then stomped on to make quite the colorful explosion of sticky sugary crumbs. Chocolate milk was spilled several times, a full bag of frozen peas was scattered all over, several containers of jello puddings were smeared on the table and chairs and floor and of course all over Bens hair and face and clothing.. Fishes, animal crackers, ritz- all had a turn being dumped out and thrown about. And just so you know, I am NOT exaggerating. Once I got one mess cleaned up, there was another one already made. Suffice it to say, the few nights Daniel made it home before the kids went to bed, I immediately turned them over to him before collapsing from exhaustion on the couch. Several times over I told Daniel I was ready to send the kids back where they came from. Kylie heard me say that on Sunday after church when I was contemplating what the point of dragging them there is, just to have them run and yell and throw things the entire time. In her beautiful little mind she thought about that before asking me if I would have to eat them up in order to get them back in my tummy. Yeah. Cannibalism, why didnt I think of that before? Then she thinks about it some more and says, "but then you'd just poop us out again." Then she looks really puzzled for a minute and says-"did you poop us out when we were babies? Is that how we are born?" ......yup my daughter, it's something like that....

So after that week of pure insanity, Monday night came and we had a little FHE and then got some diary queen for dessert. I was still pretty high-strung and feeling overwhelmed, but as my little kiddies were coming back into the house, I had one of those very small and over much too quickly moments when I was overcome with how much I love my kids. I held my Ben so tight as my eyes just kinda stung for a second while I offered a silent prayer of gratitude that I am a mother, and that I have been entrusted with these crazy, hyper, wild, fun, creative, hilarious, loving, smart, beautiful kids. How blessed I am! I just need to remember that in the chaos of their childhoods.

My little albino

2010-01-11T12:17:00.000-08:00

Why is it that anytime I am upstairs putting laundry away I get some kind of version of this:

Toast: "Mommy- the boys are making a mess!"

Me:"Then tell them to clean it up."

Toast:"But its a really REALLY BIG mess!"

Me:"So be a good sport and help them clean it up."

Toast:"Dude, this is one you're gonna wanna see!"

And so I decide that the laundry can wait. And we head downstairs to the kitchen where my 2 little SPAZZ-manian devils have ripped open a box of pancake mix and rolled around in it.

Meet albino Ben.

Bare

2010-01-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

Have you heard the song "I cry the day that I take the tree down" from the Forgotten Carols?
I do not like it. But whenever I take all my Christmas decor down and put it away that song plays over and over in my head until I want to pull all my hair out cuz I cant stand it. I mean really, it just not that great of a song melodically and second of all- does anyone really cry the day they take their tree down? I must say my house looks so bare and naked without all the festivous clutter, and thats kinda sad, yet I am not crying into my cheerios over it. Some songs are better left unsung.
So Christmas was wonderful. Santa came a little early for the boys. He couldnt fit a bunk bed in his sleigh, so he had his friend from the trucking company drop it on by before we left town. Toast and James are LOVING it! And Kylie has been helping them break it in. We tried moving Ben into James's old room as opposed to my closet, but he still prefers the closet. Daniel is kinda embarrassed that our baby sleeps in a closet, but I'm thinking- if he's happy there why shake things up?
We traveled up to Utah to spend the traditional Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family, and boy do we just love going up there. We missed Uncle Johnny and Lala, but by some festivious miracle they got back into town the night before we headed home, so Toast and Kylie were very pleased indeed. Uncle Johnny showed Toast some cool secrets on Mario brothers, and Ty was very happy to have some insider info on the game.
We had a very calm Christmas morning. The kids slept in and didnt wake up until I couldnt take it any longer and started making enough noise to rouse them all from their sleeping quarters. After the presents were opened, Daniel made his breakfast burritoes, which were delicious, and then we headed over to the movies to see the Princess and the Frog. Not a favorite Disney, but it was alright. Christmas night everyone (minus the Travsters) came over to grandma and grandpas for a tasty Christmas dinner and then the grandkiddies opened up their gifts from said grandparents. What fun.
We then headed up further north to visit the Jacksons. Good times. Daniels mom picked up some inner-tubes, so the boys had a blast "tooooobing." Kylie had lots of fun with her cousins and in all honesty I didnt see much of her the whole time we were there.
We got back into town and Daniel was back to the office to try to finish the year off with a Bang.
New Years Eve we put the younguns down and let the big kids stay up a little later to play games with us. We played on the Wii, and then switched to guesttures. Tyler was HILARIOUS. Daniel and I kept glancing at each other almost in tears cuz he was just so animated and intense. We then had an ice-cream sundae making bar for dessert, and then sent them off to bed. Daniel and I turned on a movie but I think we both feel asleep before the new year came. We woke up several hours later with cricks in our necks cursing ourselves for not just going up to bed. Old age is so fun.
Now we are trying to figure out what to do with the new year..............

Musical Fusion

2009-12-20T09:06:00.000-08:00

Kylie had her Christmas piano recital this weekend. She did a great job and we were so proud of her. She played Jingle Bells first, and only got lost once, but figured it out and played the rest perfectly. Then she got to play The First Noelle in a duet with her dear teacher, and it sounded awesome!

Kylie has been working so hard and has been really good about practicing. I have been impressed with how quickly she has picked up her new found talent.

The only sad thing was that her grandma and grandpa didnt get to come hear her play, being that they live so far away. I figured we would record a little clip of it for them, but it didnt end up working out. Drats.

Oh well.

WooHoo to the Moo!

Festivities

2009-12-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

Since our 2 youngest cant sit still for longer than a few minutes, we decided to switch around the older 2s Christmas programs as they both did the exact same play, just different nights, and that way we kept the younguns at home- to destroy here instead of out in public. Daniel took Monday- which was Toastys night. Apparently Ty was the spazz who almost punched the kid behind him in the face, but by some festivous miracle, he restrained himself. Of course hearing that the kid behind him kept messing with my boy, I wanted to find out who the little rascal was so that I could have done the honors. Just kidding. I'm not violent like that, but I could at least give him a really mean scowl. Nobody messes with my kid.
I took Tuesday- which was Kylies night. Sadly we couldnt see her the entire time, so I spent much of my time texting Daniel instead of watching the little play. I'm terrible, but geez- the only reason I went was to see my girl, but I couldnt see her amidst the hundreds of other kiddies, so what was the point? Nah- actually there were several kids from the primary up there, so it was kinda fun to see them and listen to their little parts.. The one show stopper- one poor little girl fell right off the stage and the very audible slap of her body hitting the floor was pretty traumatic. She lived, apparently, with no broken bones either, so another festivous miracle!

Random change of subject: we, the Jacksons, have a few little traditions that lead up to Christmas. Each night in December we do something Christmasy together, and we've been having lots of fun with it. We've done lots of Christmas crafts, Christmas baking, Christmas movies, Christmas stories, Christmas singing, and of course the Christmas ~~gingerbread~~ grahm cracker house decorating. We did that one last night and boy was it fun. Kylie, my sweet darling daughter, tends to be a bit of a perfectionist. She was having a melt down cuz she couldnt get it to look just right. Toast was mad that James ate the candy that he wanted to decorate with, and wacked him, which made James turn into a crying gremlin, who refused to participate anymore. Ben kept grabbing the candy and throwing it all over the kitchen, and he also kept grabbing Kylies creation, which, of course, ruined it, making her meltdowns even more fun. It was quite a night! Oh the joyous memories we are creating!
(all pictures were taken before all meltdowns and fighting ensued. Hence the smiles as opposed to the tears and grumpy faces that soon followed)

The Children were Nestled...

2009-12-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

...

All Snug in their hallway.

This is how we found these two last night.

I dont know what it is about a sleeping child, but looking at those innocent faces makes my heart almost burst.

Prophesying

2009-12-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

My last post I told about the couple that compared my little family to a pack of wild animals- well I now have something even better.
Let me start out saying this- I am by definition a pipsqueak. There are a few kids in our primary that tower of me, and several of my nephews use me as an armrest. So I know that I'm not that big- and thats ok. Sure womanly curves would be very welcome, as would a little-(4 or 5 inches would do) added heighth, but I picked some weird combination's from the gene pool, and "you get what you get, and dont throw a fit" right? In all honesty I'm just thankful to have a healthy body that allows me to take care of my kiddies and enjoy the many wonderful things our Heavenly Father created for us -(cue for the primary song "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" to start playing in your head.)
OK- so I am used to comments about how small I am. What I am not used to are comments about how big I am. Except when I am pregnant. and that is just because-(i've decided anyway) people can be quite obnoxious when one is expecting. And NO, this is not an announcement- although I would assume everyone(the few friends/family who read my blog anyway) knows we are trying for our caboose-(if anyone knows the secret or trick on how to have a girl- we really would appreciate any and all hints/methods!!! ;)), so hopefully that announcement will be following sometime in the new year, but this is not it. So back to my story.
This past weekend we drove up to Mesa for Daniels dear sweet cousins wedding-(which was, of course, wonderful) but had to stop at "the supersized" store for a few supplies before heading home. So we check out and get to the door where there is the guy who makes sure you're not trying to break the 8th commandment, when he looks at me and says-and I quote, "you're not hiding twins under there, are you?" ............................................................(I'm pausing here for full absorption
........................)..........................................................................................

I'm quite flabbergasted by that comment. I mean if I was supporting a little preggo belly, then yeah- i would get his "joke." But for me, the pipsqueek that I am, I am just kinda baffled. Who says something like that? I think I should start a national PSA with the little clip from Bambi cuz obviously not enough people have heard that infamous quote.
So I tell this little story to some friends at my dear, wonderful friends awesomest of awesome Christmas party, and one sweet friend tries to soften the blow by saying maybe he was having a premonition or something. Yeah- maybe if the One who sends these sweet little spirits into the world wants me to end up in the looney bin, or on some powerful anti-crazy drugs cuz Daniel and I keep telling each other were are crazy enough as it is with the "herd" of kids we already have been so blessed with.
2 more -at once no less- would definately do me in!!!!
But then I tell my dear sweet wonderful mother about that guy, and she says the same thing.
Right. Some little old man who doesnt know me from Adam, is gonna be prophesying to me that I'm gonna be carrying twins? Still doesnt make me feel better.
I think I will just chalk this one up to having a supersized "fat" day. And I shall be burning the shirt I was wearing.

Really?

2009-12-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

So Daniel and I went to the store with all the kiddies the other day. Nothing unusual. The kids were actually being really good. We were getting ready to check out and the couple in front of us turns around and comments on the stuff we are buying. And then they count the kids and say, "oh no wonder, ...... you have a HERD!" Really? Thats how they describe us, a herd? Geez. Ok- I get that 4 kids is "a handful." But doesnt "herd" classify as a large group of animals? And its not like the kids were being crazy acting like wild animals. Two were in the cart and the other two were standing right by it. No one was throwing temper tantrums or yelling or ripping packages of cookies open with their teeth, like they normally do. Sheesh.
What ever happened to the notion if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all?

A few of my Favorite Things

2009-12-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

"I'm OLD. I'm like the crypt keeper!" (movie trivia)
I'm officially old! Yesterday marked the 30th year of my blessed arrival into the world. And while I may still act, think and look like a 14 year old, I am no longer a "young pup."
Daniel, having already crossed that aging line, and being the wonderful guy that he is, made the death of my youth a celebration of my favorite things. How I got so lucky to have him in my life I will never know, but I sure am grateful.
So one of my all time favorite things is the rain. I love love love rain. But we hardly ever get that wonderful force of nature in these neck of the woods. But Daniel called in a special request and I woke up to the lovely smell of rain, wonderful gray clouds, and it lasted the entire day. Pretty darn cool that Daniel has such a pull in the weather, dontcha think?
Daniel put fresh clean and crisp sheets on our bed, as thats another favorite of mine. He also took me to get my favorite lunch ever- olive gardens soup, salad and breadsticks. He brought me my favorite flowers, and even had them arranged with fresh pine as the smell of Christmas trees is yet another favorite. And he wrote me a perfectly sweet love note- can I say favorite.
He had the kids give me my favorite treats. And he made my favorite heath bar cake. And he cleaned up from the daily mayhem so I could have a clean house for a few hours. And then he put the kids to bed, so we could spend the rest of the night together in peace- most definatley my favorite way to spend the evening.
Aging isnt too bad when one has a favorite person to do it with.

Turkey Party and a little Jail Time

2009-11-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

We were so very blessed this Thanksgiving. One of my favorite brothers and his family came down for the weekend. We never get company, so we were LOVING it! Add to that that we only get to see said brother and fam once a year, this was indeed a special treat. The kids loved having their cousins over, and Kylie especially loved having a substitute little sister. My nephew even turned into our slave for the day on Friday and weed wacked our neglected yard. Then he watched the crazies so we could do a double date that night. And he only wanted to be compensated with a Subway sandwhich. What a great kid!
So they headed back on Saturday morning, and my kids were so sad all day long-(sleep deprivation from the late nights intensifies the hard to say goodbye thing, apparently) So we put them to bed at 6 pm that night. Daniel ran out to grab a few groceries that night, while I cleaned up from our wild week. He seemed to be gone a while, but I wasnt too worried.

Until he called me.

And told me that he had been arrested.
My heart stopped beating for a few seconds and I asked him what had happened. He told me he had taken some garbage to dispose of (we thought that garbage day would be thrown off from the holiday and missed it, therefore had a full trash can) and some cops caught him, searched his car and found his gun, and then cuffed him.
So I freak out, imagining him at the county jail in an orange jumpsuit sitting by some smelly scruffy drunk druggie, trying to figure out how I can get over there to get him as my kids are in bed. Plus there is no way I can come up with enough bail money to get him out. Then I am thinking they will have impounded his car, so we are gonna have to come up with more money to get that back. And then I am wondering if he is gonna have to go to court for something, and we will have to pay some lawyers fees on top of it all.
But back to the first problem;
Daniel, in jail.
How to get him out.
SO I ask him- "what should we do?"

Daniel replies, "just kidding."

WHAT?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

My dearest darling Daniel is in BIG trouble now.

Polar Express II

2009-11-23T11:35:00.000-08:00

Last year we went up to Williams to take the kids on the Polar Express. We had such a magical time that we decided to do it again this year. Us Yumians are not used to the cold! We froze our little noses off, but it was well worth it. The oldest 3 were so excited by every little thing- from the hot chocolate to the lights of the north pole, and of course the sleigh bells from Santa! Ben, being the not-yet-2 year old that he is, wasnt too interested in much besides trying to crawl in between the the seats. What really surprised me though was how excited Daniel was this year. You know how Buddy the Elf gets so excited at the department store when they announce Santas coming? Daniel acted just like that when Santa came dancing down the aisle. (I lied. It wasnt Daniel....... it was me.) Daniel was humiliated that his rapidly aging wife started acting like a 4 year old, jumping up and down to see the jolly old fat man. What can I say? I am a kid at heart- especially at Christmas time.

Run Daniel Run

2009-11-14T11:18:00.000-08:00

My dearest darling Daniel ran his first official half marathon today. Being the ~~supporting~~ wife that I am, I chose to do this post instead of being at the finish line to cheer him on. I can admit it, I am a schmuck.

He did really well, except at mile 10 when he puked. 4 TIMES! Poor poor Daniel. But after the contents of his stomach were spewed on the side of the road, he jumped back in and finished the race. "What a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!" Way to go hun!

OUCH!

2009-11-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

So good news. I didnt die. But it sure feels like I have been through heck. Surgery is not fun. In my naive little mind I figured this would be a walk in the park; get knocked out, sliced open, and super glued back up, followed by a little groggy discomfort, but that I would be up and about the next day. Yeah, thats not really the case. I feel like I was hit by a bus. I dont recall anything after I talked to the anesthesiologist. I dont know how I got home or up in bed. I only know that I was puking my guts out that night. Yesterday I could barely move. Anytime one of the kids came to give me a hug my body was screaming in agony. So not fun. Today the pain is less severe. I can actually breathe without every bone and muscle in excruciating pain. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be as good as new.
So the morning of my surgery I was telling the kids that Daddy would be taking care of them that night and that they needed to be his big helpers and yada yada. Their curious minds had a zillion questions for me. Tyler wanted to know if I was gonna die. Then he wanted to know if it was gonna hurt. He also wanted to know how they would get my guts back inside after they cut me open. Kylie was worried about the fact I would be on drugs. After all we dont do drugs. She also wanted to know if they would be able to see my skeleton. And then was worried about me bleeding to death. After the kids were reassured, Ty just had one last concern; he wanted to make sure daddy would play lego star wars with him that afternoon. Such a major concern, dont you think?
So now that this little ordeal is done, I need to express my deepest thanks for the many offers of help and support, for the well wishes, and the prayers. I am so thankful for such amazing friends and loved ones! You're all the best!

No worries

2009-11-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

My lovely surgery is scheduled for Monday. And while I know its not a big deal, signing away my life at both pre-ops has me just a tad nervous. My Dr tells me he has never had a patient die during surgery, but then I reminded him that he hadnt had a patient with a rogue IUD before either. He tells me it should be a quick surgery, says it should take less than 15 minutes. Of course, last month when he did some procedure to find the IUD it was only suppose to take 5 minutes, but ended up being more like 45. And of course in all the paper work that one needs to read and sign, it says "risks include: infection, bleeding, nerve injury,altered personality(just kidding about that one) blood clots, heart attack, pneumonia and need for additional surgery." That is followed with "These risks are serious and possibly fatal." So I have to ask myself- am I feeling lucky?

I get to starve myself for a good twelve hours before surgery, and then they tell me that I most likely will be puking from the anesthesia once I come to a state of conciousness. Not my preferred choice of dieting. I am also not allowed to wear make-up the day of the surgery. Not that I wear a lot anyway, but what I do use is kinda vital for the sake of humanity. Yes, I am vain- but really- I feel naked without it.

My post-op care instructions tell me that I will need to avoid activities that require much concentration. I guess I will need an interpreter to understand what my Bennie-boy wants/needs/ or is trying to say. Also, it says I shouldnt lift objects such as laundry and kids until the incision heals. So I might need to hire and nanny and a maid for 2 weeks. I am also told to avoid going up and down the stairs for the first 2 days. How is that suppose to work exactly- especially at nap time and bed time since all the bedrooms are upstairs?

My Dr asked me if I want to keep the IUD once he removes it, you know to frame and hang on our wall. I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed or entertained by that question.

Anyway- since I most likely wont be blogging until after this event, I want to say (in case I happen to be one of the 1 in 1,000 who dies from surgery) my dear friends, family/relatives and that one blurker that reads my blog from the ukraine, I love you all! Seriously I do. My life has been blessed by each of you. And please dont let Daniel sell any of the kids if I dont make it through. OH- and since I am not the bigger person- dont encourage Daniel to get married again cuz HE IS MINE! Not only am I a tad dramatic- I am also a tad possessive.

Spooktacular Week

2009-11-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

I like where we live. Mostly. But I really really dont like being so far away from my family. I miss getting together with my siblings and celebrating birthdays and holidays and having FHE with everyone. But I mostly miss my mom and dad and the interaction they could have with my kids. My mom, being the cutest grandma that she is, decided that since we couldnt go trick or treating at grandmas house, she would trick or treat us with a fantastic little haunted house kit. The kids thought it was the coolest thing ever. So that started out our spooktacular week of celebrating.
This past week we hit the pumpkin patch and the kids picked out their pumpkins. We made the haunted houses, we made spiders and bats and hung them above the table. We made spooky cupcakes with ghosts, spiders and eyeballs. We carved out some seriously awesome jack-o-lanterns, and we hit the trunk or treat and loaded up on lots of cavity inducing candy. It was a party all week long.
But now as Halloween is officially over, it is time for CHRISTMAS!!!! We've got the tree out and its my goal to have it up and decorated before the day is through. The rest of this week will include me getting the rest of the house decked out in its holiday glory. And just so you know, I'm not skipping over Thanksgiving... its included in my Holiday celebrations, as the greatest blessing we have is the Son of God, his birth, his life, his example, his perfect love, his mercy, and his Atonement.. Without Him all other blessings wouldnt really be possible. To me, this month and next is all about celebrating Him. Thats why its my favorite time of the year. All the songs, all the decorations, all the gifts --it all ties into Him.

Halloween bash

2009-10-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

Last week the kids were out of school, and while I loved having them around, there got to be a point in which I really just needed a break from all things kiddie. The week started out fine, but by Thursday the kids were fighting and arguing over every little thing. There were tantrums every few minutes and lots and lots of whinning. And of course there was one mess after another-(pretty much normal, but with all the whining and arguing and tantrums it just seemed to be more messier than usual)I was ready to yank my hair out. Instead I just sent a text to Daniel telling him that. And what did my dearest darling Daniel do? He came home and sent me off to get some therapy---a pedicure. Heaven! I love my Daniel! He's the best!

So Saturday we went to the best Halloween party around! Awesome decor, fabulous food, great company, hilarious costumes, and fun games. Daniel and I even won the best couple costume award. WOOHOO! Daniel looked smashing as Hercules, and even though I couldnt do my hair as dramatic as Megs,(hers being animated and what not)we pulled it off. We are trying to figure out how to paint ourselves black so we can go as Barack and Michelle next year!