Virus, Birds and Adventures

I dont know if this post will post as my computer has a virus which Daniel has been trying to get rid of, but this one is a doozy, making anything that should take me 30 minutes to do turn into an all day project, such as blogging- but as I need to keep a record of things I will make an attempt anyway.

I have been feeling like a failure as a mother the past week. Some of it is just silly, like James’s sudden interest in fingernail polish and makeup. If I don’t paint his nails-(of course he is insistent that I paint them BRIGHT pink) he will do it himself. And then the makeup- he keeps climbing up on the counter in the master bathroom and gets into my make-up and then smears it all over his arms and face and its starting to scare me a little cuz I really don’t want this kid to start dressing in drag now nor anytime in the future. I get this little voice in my head saying-he is 2 and a half so its not a big deal, but then I get another voice that’s like in 15 years if he becomes confused with his gender, his shrink will of course blame the mother and trace it back to his 2 and a half year old self. This is when I think I am not cut out to be a mom. But really- its just silliness. Don’t most 2 year old boys play with their mothers make-up?-(please someone tell me their boys play with make-up!!!)

But the not so silly parts are really freaking me out. My Toast is throwing me for a loop here. We have had several birds building nests in the rafters of our patio. Daniel went out there 2 weeks ago and started to spray them down, but stopped when one of the nests already had baby birds inside. Well the baby birds have grown a little each day and have lots of feathers and were even chirping. Then one fell. I am not sure if he was trying to fly or what but he fell and the kids came running in to tell me. So we went out there and I told them not to touch the baby bird- just let him hang out in his little spot, until daddy gets home from work. Then daddy will put him back up in the nest. They were all infatuated with the bird, but gave it its space. Skip ahead a few hours. The older 3 were outside playing, Bennie was playing with toys and I was reading blogs. Kylie comes running inside and tells me Tyler killed the baby bird. Shocked and confused I ran out there. First I had Kylie show me where the baby bird was, to really see if it was dead. It was and it was a gruesome sight to behold. So then I went to find Ty. He was, of course, hiding, and when I found him, the first words out of his mouth were, “Kylie did it! It was Kylie!” Right. I was really really disturbed and confused, and so I asked him why, but he didn’t answer me, and I didn’t know how to handle the situation, so I put him in time out and called my mom. I told her how I felt my son was evil and how I didn’t know what to do. She reassured me that he isn’t evil. She also suggested that I make him bury the baby bird. So after I vented, and she calmed me down, I went out to talk to my little boy. I again asked him why, but he didn’t have a reason. Anyway we talked for probably 15 minutes. Talked about how it was wrong to kill. We talked about Heavenly Father and Jesus, and how they created the animals and birds and even us, and that even though he made a mistake Heavenly Father still loves him. Anyway he felt awful, and I was actually glad to see that he had remorse cuz I really was a little worried this kid was of the devil or something- but then he went and apologized to the momma bird, then I made him bury the smashed carcass of that little bird, and then we went and prayed to apologize to Heavenly Father. His prayer was very sweet. And then I really did try to show an increased amount of love towards my boy. But I am still really disturbed that he actually killed the baby bird. I don’t know where he even came up with that awful idea. So I feel like an awful mother cuz we obviously missed teaching him the primary lesson #13 "I am thankful for birds"

So after that awful day, I really needed to shake that memory away by creating a new one. So I talked with Daniel, and he figured if he worked super late one night, we could take off the next day after some meetings he had. So thats what we did. We decided to go exploring the mountainous regions outside San Diego to try to find our perfect locale for our future cabin. While we searched, we still didnt find the right area, but we did find one very awesome park that had nobody else around. It was fabulous.

I really like little road trips. One the way to and fro its just so nice to have that time to talk with Daniel. I really really like that guy.

Friday night we had a movie night with some friends. Daniel set up his projector in their garage, and they had set up some couches, and camp chairs, and we brought our camping mats, and blankets, and with a few treat bags & popcorn, it was quite the night.

Then on Saturday and Sunday we enjoyed conference. I was a tad homesick in the fact that we were here as opposed to being in UT with all my siblings and parents, but maybe one day I can convince my honey that driving 14 hours each way for 2 days really would be worth it. (Can you see Daniels eye-roll/shaking of the head look?- its very similar to the one Kylie is portraying in the picture above)