Confessions

Confessions:

1- I love my kids, but a 2 week long spring break is making me want to bang some heads together! who the fetch decided 2 weeks was a good idea? one would have been perfect. 2 is torture! my oldest 2 have been at each others throats a million times a day and I swear my blood pressure is skyrocketing. That cant be good for the baby. But since we reached the 100 degree mark last week, we did "cool off" (from the being at each others throat thing) by running through the sprinklers, and breaking out the inflatable pool. April and already 100 degrees. good ol AZ.

2- I still cant force myself to gag down my nasty iron pills, and honestly this is what I have every night for dinner-

yup a giant bowl full of shaved ice- no syrup- just the ice.  And i have taken to climbing into the shower and sniffing the drain cuz for some reason it smells like dirt and I am sooooo into that smell-  but now I am craving the smell of paint and was outside sniffing some spray painted wood yesterday- DON'T JUDGE ME! This has got to stop. I don't know that i can last 4 and a half more weeks with this craziness! in my head I know it's crazy- but I'm like totally obsessed with certain smells.  Daniel thinks I should just start chowing down on some red meat- but that's even worse than the stupid iron pills.
3- I'm going on no sleep- I am so dang exhausted, but this baby is extremely active at night and i cant sleep with my ginormous preggo belly moving up down and all around. I admit- I like to feel him moving just so i know he is ok, but after about 5 minutes, when Daniel is snoring away and i want to be, but this baby is kicking, squirming, yogaing for what seems like all night- I get rather irritated. can this month just be over already?
4-I'm a bit of a candy -aholic. mostly it's with jr mints and/or yorks, but with all the Easter candy being around for the past few weeks I've become obsessed with jelly beans. until i ate half a bag in one day and felt so nauseated that i couldn't eat anything else for 2 days following-(anything except my precious shaved ice) now i cant even look at jelly beans without dry heaving. I don't think i will be eating jelly beans for the rest of my life.
5- I'm debating whether to start James into Kindergarten this coming fall. He misses the deadline by a little over a month for the school the other 2 go to, but there is a charter school that will let him start this year. He is ready to go- academically and socially- for the most part, but I don't know that I want him to be the youngest in his class. SO I'm not sure what to do. We started Tyler a year later cuz he was in the same boat, but he is so bored with school and has been all year cuz they are doing stuff he knew how to do last year. He and I are both frustrated cuz he hasn't learned much his year, and while his teacher has been great to try to give him extra work cuz she recognizes that he is ahead of the class, its not a good thing to have your kid bored with school and not really learning or progressing. He's gonna hate school- so I'm thinking if I don't start James and he goes the following year, he will be in the same boat as Ty is now- ahead of the class and he will get bored with it and hate school.. But if I start him, he will be the youngest and most likely the smallest.so what to do, what to do...
6-I haven't cleaned my house in 2 weeks- I've done maintenance, but haven't done my normal biweekly scrub downs. And i haven't changed the bed sheets in those 2 weeks either. I feel soooo terribly guilty about that too. But holy macaroni, i cant muster up the energy to get it done- especially since whenever I do scrub the house down, and change all the sheets I cant move the next day and am in excruciating pain and have severe braxton hicks that wont let up. I told Daniel we should hire a maid until a month after this baby is born, otherwise I don't think this house is gonna be scrubbed down until that time, and i might pull out all my hair cuz I really don't like feeling like my house isn't "clean." Ocd at its finest.
7- My sister in law is expecting their 2nd baby a couple months after I'm due. She posted her little teeny tiny preggo belly a few weeks back and honestly you can barely tell she is even pregnant. My mom was like, "you should put up a picture" basically so she can see how huge I am- but when I told her there was no way I was gonna put my picture up especially since I look like Gloria the hippo in comparison to my tiny sister in law, my mom replies with- "well she has 10 inches of height on you," as if that makes me feel better. But ya know- for being so dang short and pregnant - it really isn't fair- I have no torso room, so whatever weight i gain it looks so much more noticeable cuz it has no where to go but out- and speaking of which- why do people say "you are looking very pregnant"?? um obviously I am very pregnant so yeah i will be looking very pregnant being that i am very pregnant-- there is an actual human being growing inside of me- so yeah my belly is gonna be expanding- oh that comment just bugs me.of course everything bugs me... I'm freaking pregnant and hormonal and in this last month of miserable pressure and braxton hicks and sciatica and shortness of breath, heartburn, and headaches and exhaustion and no sleep and charlie horses and back aches and swollen feet and waddling around and completely stretched- aughghghg. seriously this month  just needs to end so i can be done.
8- Daniel tried being sympathetic to my feelings of hugeness on Sunday and went around like this for a few minutes....

his intent was sweet, but i was of course thinking- a half pound ball of air that isn't punching into all of your internal organs, squirming around and kicking you, leaching everything from your body in the process, and having it continue to grow and expand  for 40 weeks isn't anywhere close to what I'm going through, so thanks, but geez males just don't understand. He did however manage to make me laugh, and that is one of the things i love about my Daniel.
9- i hate the word "fart." Seriously. I hate it! I think its just a terrible ugly word. But for the past few months, my boys have been saying it- and i have been so irritated and trying to figure out where they heard it from cuz Daniel doesn't say it, and i don't say it and Kylie doesn't say it. so i assumed Ty heard it at school and used it in front of his brothers so they were all saying it- but then we were all watching despicable me the other day and it became very clear that they got that ugly word not from Ty, but from that silly little movie. perhaps i should be grateful that at least it wasn't any even uglier word.

and finally 10- I have never been a fan of oatmeal. Makes me gag. but with this pregnancy I have had oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast. for some reason i thought it was the best thing ever. until a few weeks ago. and now i cant stand it again. just the thought of it gives me the heeby jeebies. gross and ick! So I'm thinking- maybe the fact I'm sick of it is a sign I'm nearing the finishing line and can get back to my normal self soon. Technically 38 weeks is considered full term right- so that's only a couple weeks away. But then realistically I've never had a baby that early. They have been right around the 40 week "due date." so i don't think it would be wise to get my hopes up cuz that'll make the last two weeks drag even more miserably by. Seriously though, I am ready to be done. I feel like I've been pregnant forever and I just am ready to meet this little guy and hold him, and kiss him, and count his fingers and toes, and marvel at the miraculousness of new life. Plus I cant lie- I really miss my mom right now and knowing she is gonna come down after this little guys arrival- well I'm ready for her to come now. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom ya know.