Confessions

Confessions:

1- I love my kids, but a 2 week long spring break is making me want to bang some heads together! who the fetch decided 2 weeks was a good idea? one would have been perfect. 2 is torture! my oldest 2 have been at each others throats a million times a day and I swear my blood pressure is skyrocketing. That cant be good for the baby. But since we reached the 100 degree mark last week, we did "cool off" (from the being at each others throat thing) by running through the sprinklers, and breaking out the inflatable pool. April and already 100 degrees. good ol AZ.

2- I still cant force myself to gag down my nasty iron pills, and honestly this is what I have every night for dinner-

yup a giant bowl full of shaved ice- no syrup- just the ice.  And i have taken to climbing into the shower and sniffing the drain cuz for some reason it smells like dirt and I am sooooo into that smell-  but now I am craving the smell of paint and was outside sniffing some spray painted wood yesterday- DON'T JUDGE ME! This has got to stop. I don't know that i can last 4 and a half more weeks with this craziness! in my head I know it's crazy- but I'm like totally obsessed with certain smells.  Daniel thinks I should just start chowing down on some red meat- but that's even worse than the stupid iron pills.
3- I'm going on no sleep- I am so dang exhausted, but this baby is extremely active at night and i cant sleep with my ginormous preggo belly moving up down and all around. I admit- I like to feel him moving just so i know he is ok, but after about 5 minutes, when Daniel is snoring away and i want to be, but this baby is kicking, squirming, yogaing for what seems like all night- I get rather irritated. can this month just be over already?
4-I'm a bit of a candy -aholic. mostly it's with jr mints and/or yorks, but with all the Easter candy being around for the past few weeks I've become obsessed with jelly beans. until i ate half a bag in one day and felt so nauseated that i couldn't eat anything else for 2 days following-(anything except my precious shaved ice) now i cant even look at jelly beans without dry heaving. I don't think i will be eating jelly beans for the rest of my life.
5- I'm debating whether to start James into Kindergarten this coming fall. He misses the deadline by a little over a month for the school the other 2 go to, but there is a charter school that will let him start this year. He is ready to go- academically and socially- for the most part, but I don't know that I want him to be the youngest in his class. SO I'm not sure what to do. We started Tyler a year later cuz he was in the same boat, but he is so bored with school and has been all year cuz they are doing stuff he knew how to do last year. He and I are both frustrated cuz he hasn't learned much his year, and while his teacher has been great to try to give him extra work cuz she recognizes that he is ahead of the class, its not a good thing to have your kid bored with school and not really learning or progressing. He's gonna hate school- so I'm thinking if I don't start James and he goes the following year, he will be in the same boat as Ty is now- ahead of the class and he will get bored with it and hate school.. But if I start him, he will be the youngest and most likely the smallest.so what to do, what to do...
6-I haven't cleaned my house in 2 weeks- I've done maintenance, but haven't done my normal biweekly scrub downs. And i haven't changed the bed sheets in those 2 weeks either. I feel soooo terribly guilty about that too. But holy macaroni, i cant muster up the energy to get it done- especially since whenever I do scrub the house down, and change all the sheets I cant move the next day and am in excruciating pain and have severe braxton hicks that wont let up. I told Daniel we should hire a maid until a month after this baby is born, otherwise I don't think this house is gonna be scrubbed down until that time, and i might pull out all my hair cuz I really don't like feeling like my house isn't "clean." Ocd at its finest.
7- My sister in law is expecting their 2nd baby a couple months after I'm due. She posted her little teeny tiny preggo belly a few weeks back and honestly you can barely tell she is even pregnant. My mom was like, "you should put up a picture" basically so she can see how huge I am- but when I told her there was no way I was gonna put my picture up especially since I look like Gloria the hippo in comparison to my tiny sister in law, my mom replies with- "well she has 10 inches of height on you," as if that makes me feel better. But ya know- for being so dang short and pregnant - it really isn't fair- I have no torso room, so whatever weight i gain it looks so much more noticeable cuz it has no where to go but out- and speaking of which- why do people say "you are looking very pregnant"?? um obviously I am very pregnant so yeah i will be looking very pregnant being that i am very pregnant-- there is an actual human being growing inside of me- so yeah my belly is gonna be expanding- oh that comment just bugs me.of course everything bugs me... I'm freaking pregnant and hormonal and in this last month of miserable pressure and braxton hicks and sciatica and shortness of breath, heartburn, and headaches and exhaustion and no sleep and charlie horses and back aches and swollen feet and waddling around and completely stretched- aughghghg. seriously this month  just needs to end so i can be done.
8- Daniel tried being sympathetic to my feelings of hugeness on Sunday and went around like this for a few minutes....

his intent was sweet, but i was of course thinking- a half pound ball of air that isn't punching into all of your internal organs, squirming around and kicking you, leaching everything from your body in the process, and having it continue to grow and expand  for 40 weeks isn't anywhere close to what I'm going through, so thanks, but geez males just don't understand. He did however manage to make me laugh, and that is one of the things i love about my Daniel.
9- i hate the word "fart." Seriously. I hate it! I think its just a terrible ugly word. But for the past few months, my boys have been saying it- and i have been so irritated and trying to figure out where they heard it from cuz Daniel doesn't say it, and i don't say it and Kylie doesn't say it. so i assumed Ty heard it at school and used it in front of his brothers so they were all saying it- but then we were all watching despicable me the other day and it became very clear that they got that ugly word not from Ty, but from that silly little movie. perhaps i should be grateful that at least it wasn't any even uglier word.

and finally 10- I have never been a fan of oatmeal. Makes me gag. but with this pregnancy I have had oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast. for some reason i thought it was the best thing ever. until a few weeks ago. and now i cant stand it again. just the thought of it gives me the heeby jeebies. gross and ick! So I'm thinking- maybe the fact I'm sick of it is a sign I'm nearing the finishing line and can get back to my normal self soon. Technically 38 weeks is considered full term right- so that's only a couple weeks away. But then realistically I've never had a baby that early. They have been right around the 40 week "due date." so i don't think it would be wise to get my hopes up cuz that'll make the last two weeks drag even more miserably by. Seriously though, I am ready to be done. I feel like I've been pregnant forever and I just am ready to meet this little guy and hold him, and kiss him, and count his fingers and toes, and marvel at the miraculousness of new life. Plus I cant lie- I really miss my mom right now and knowing she is gonna come down after this little guys arrival- well I'm ready for her to come now. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom ya know.

Thinking back

Yesterday we celebrated Bennie-boo's birthday. He was one happy kid all day long, and that just made me happy. And since I am such a slacker with zilch energy lately I didnt get any pictures. I'm terrible!!! But i wanted to write my thoughts on this little one of mine.

When I was pregnant with Ben,and found out he was a boy- I was slightly surprised cuz i thought i was gonna have a girl, and we would have 4 kids, and we would be complete. (But 3 boys was much easier to wrap my brain around than 4!) However, once we had our little Ben, I couldnt have loved him more. From day one this boy has been a snuggler. I seriously love that he still is. If he sees an open lap, he is there in a flash. He is my happy go lucky kid, He has brought such a sweetness into our home and I honestly cant picture our family without him.
Obviously I am pregnant with our 4th boy- and many times throughout this pregnancy Ive had moments of "another boy?" freak-out-ed-ness. But knowing how much we love and need our Bennie-boo, how much love he brings to our family- well, lets just say those moments still come,(especially when all 3 of my boys are fighting/wrestling/screaming/causing all sorts of mayhem/and destroying) but i just have to look at my Bennie-boo and the freak-out-ed-ness is replaced with laughter and a looking-forward-ness to more of this mostly-fun-loving-craziness in our lives with yet another boy.
And just for record sake, I asked Ben what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday a couple weeks back, and he said "a cookie cake, like daddys."  I thought, thats easy enough, until the next week he changed his mind to "a mario cake like toastys." Then it was back to the cookie cake, then back to the mario cake, then an elmo cake, then a "blue toad from mario world" cake, then back to the cookie cake, then back to the mario, then it was a froggy cake, then phineas and ferb cake, then back to the froggy cake...so after he changed his mind 100 times- i made up the froggy cake, and surprisingly it turned out pretty decent considering how lacking I am in the cake decorating skills department. Anyway I document this little tidbit of information cuz Ben takes after his daddy in a lot of things, but apparently he is a little nuts like his mom when trying to make a decision. And that just cracks me up.

same old stuff

My dad has a little saying..."same old stuff, different day"- and that is pretty much how life has been the past few weeks. And that's just fine by me. We are getting all ready for the baby, although I still have several weeks to go. But it does feel good getting prepared. Daniel and I are trying to put our brains into baby mode again. Diapers, bottles, binkys, burp clothes, formula, spit up, no sleep, ...we feel like we've been out of it for so long, although its only been 3 years, but boy, do babies grow and change quickly. All in all we are getting so excited to meet this baby, excited to count his tiny fingers and toes, excited not be be pregnant anymore, but instead hold him close, and just so excited for all the joy and love and new baby brings.
So being ever so pregnant, I have been trying my best to keep up with my walking, and since I have absolutely no energy to do it in the mornings anymore, I am walking in the early evenings. When I was able to get up in the mornings, I would go before my kids got up and while Daniel was getting ready for work..but now, since Daniel is at work in the early evenings and I have my kids to take care of, we go to a nearby park and they play while I walk around the little sidewalk track. Last week we had stopped in at the dollar store and the kids picked up some little buckets and shovels, and decided they wanted to take them to the park. So I'm walking and am just kind of in my own world with my thoughts but as I came around by the playground and passed them,  I had one of those precious moments where I looked at all of them, busy in their digging adventures and had to brush away a tear or two as my heart felt so immensely full. There are so many moments where I am driven a little insane by the craziness of them all, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love being their mother and I love watching them grow and learn and I especially love the tender little moments when i look at all of them and everything else falls away and I recognize just how blessed I've been.

(someone please remind me of this after my new one is born and we are all going through our own adjustments and I'm grouchy as can be and am considering giving them all away- :) )

name game

My Daniel had his birthday last week. Since it was a weekday he had to work, but when he got home, the kids were sure excited to celebrate with him. We made  his favorite dinner, made a giant cookie cake, and had his homemade cards and presents from each of the kiddies to open.
Personally, I never know what to get for Daniel- he always comes up with the best  gifts for me, but I totally stink in the gift giving department for him, but this year I arranged to have a friend babysitt the kids overnight and we went to san diego for a little getaway! It rained and even snowed in the mountains between here and there on saturday, so we didnt get to go to the beach, but we did get to go to the temple, we got to go out to eat at some of our favorite places, and even did a little shopping. mostly we just enjoyed a little break from the everyday and enjoyed our time together.
So while on this little trip, Daniel threw a curve ball into my carefully planned ocd plans. When we traveled up to my moms for thanksgiving, we were all thinking we were gonna find out for sure we were having our baby girl, and we have had her name picked out FOREVER. But to be silly I told the kids and Daniel we needed to come up with a boy name "just in case."
Daniel is the worst with names- I have a huge list of names i really like and every single one of them he vetoes. He's done this with James and Ben and i find it quite frustrating cuz I like to have a name picked out from the moment I find out whether we are having a girl or boy so that I can call my baby by his/her name. Anyway I went through my list and Daniel, of course, vetoed everything, so in exasperation I was throwing out random weird names. And of course when I do that he actually ends up agreeing on them. I threw out Phineas in reference to Phineas and Ferb and Daniel was totally in to it. I thought he was being sarcastic, but he said he actually really like it. And he got all the kids calling the baby Phineas after that. I wasnt sold on the idea and thought it was weird, but after so many of my kids prayers asking for baby Phineas to grow healthy and strong, I ended up going along with it. in a weird way it was cute and come on, who doesnt love Phineas and ferb? Phineas is a child genius. SO he(the baby currently in utero) has been Phineas for a few months.
But on this little getaway Daniel drops the bomb on me that he now finds the name weird and doesnt want to name him that. im like "WHAT????!!!!????  I have got 9 weeks left--(7 if Im lucky and go 2 weeks early!!!! crossing my fingers!!) and you are telling this to me NOW- ummm do I need to remind you I am a little bit psycho and need to have things planned out or else I get a tense-(cough cough- ok maybe a lot tense) especially when I am pregnant and my hormones/emotions are all over the place-- you cant do that to me!" and im thinking isnt he the one that got us all hooked on that name anyway? But NOW he thinks its weird? What the flip? He's playing with fire.
So we have been going through names again. And again- everything I like- he doesnt.And yet he wont give me anything serious to work with. SO frustrating!!! I need my baby to have a name. Its driving me crazy.
So when I was pregnant with James, I loved the name Jaxon. I am all about the x in a name- its tough and cool and to tell the truth Jaxon Jackson is just AWESOME...in my opinion. But Daniel hated it. As did anyone else that I told that name to. I tried it again when expecting Ben, but again Daniel thought I was wack outta my mind. so when I threw it out this time around- Daniel actually mulls it over and tells me he likes it. Um--yeah...I cant tell if Daniel is pulling my leg, but since I suggested it he still seems to be on board.. Unless he wants to have the wrath of pregnant Kimmy to deal with, he better not be changing his mind again!
Last night when we were having family prayer, Toast was offering it, and got all upset and stopped right in the middle of his prayer to tell me he didnt "want to pray for baby Jack Jack"-(my favorite nickname....Incredibles anyone?) because "he is still baby Phineas!" Maybe he just needs a little time to adjust to the change...James actually likes it simply because he thinks he is Dash, Kylie is Violet, Daniel is Mr Incredible and I'm "the mom" (he is still trying to place Toast and Ben, but since he doesnt want to share his identity he's having a hard time cuz he doesnt want Syndrome/Buddy to be part of our family for Ty, and Ben cant be Frozone cuz "Frozone is just their friend but not an Incredible." But he is liking the idea of baby jack jack, and the fact he can turn himself "into fire or stone or the devil, and shoot lasers out of his eyes!" (I'm hoping my baby doesnt turn into the devil, or stone, or fire-- but the laser thing might be cool)
Honestly, I'm feeling anxious cuz i really dont think Daniel is seriously gonna let me name our baby Jaxon Jackson. We shall see. But really-- isnt it just a seriously awesome cool name?

Just a few of my favorite things

There are a few things that have been making me just so happy as of late, and I wanted to write them down before my deteriorating mind forgets...

1- Our friend gave us her playset when we moved, which we love, only problem is the wood is a little rough and the kids have had several slivers from it...James, who had never had a sliver before was calling them owies until he heard me talking to Kylie about one of her slivers and he now talks about his "snivers" everyday. Oh how I love how he calls them "snivers" Its one of my favorite things.

2- Bennieboo has an obsession with granola bars. He seriously eats like 5 a day. What I love though is that he asks me each time if he can have a "nalona nola bah." I seriously laugh each time he says that. Even if I'm in a terribly grouchy mood- hearing him say that makes me chuckle each time.

3- In my 3rd trimester of each pregnancy I get rather anemic. I cant get enough of the smell of dirt and the chonking of ice. I have chipped several teeth throughout my previous pregnancies with all the ice I chonk on. And right on cue- I got to my 3rd trimester in this pregnancy and I cant get enough ice-- but since my sweet Daniel bought me a shaved ice machine several months ago- we have been enjoying our shaved ice each night. I LOVE IT! And since its shaved ice- its saving my teeth this time around.

4- I have always had a thing for sunrises and sunsets. Its not only therapeutic, its also a spiritual thing for me. Anyway for the past 2 months I lost my walking partner, and have been walking by myself- and since I'm by myself,  I go walking a little later than the 2 of us did, so on the last part of my walk I get to see the sky ablazing with the morning sunrises. But for the past 2 weeks I have not been able to get my self out of bed so early to do my walking. (I blame the anemia) So instead I have been going in the early evenings. And now instead of the glorious sunrises, I walk as the sun in setting. this week-- the sunsets have been out of this world! Also- since its a full moon- the past week has been really cool to see these gorgeous sunsets on one side of the sky and then turn and see this ginormous full moon rising from the other. Majestic!

5-lastly--again with my Bennieboo. I ask him all the time why he is so cute, and he always responds "I awesome!"  He's just matter of fact about it too- it just cracks me up. and this past week he has started adding "ya know" on the end of every sentence. SO he says "I awesome, ya know!" Man alive I love that kid.

Happy Friday ya'll!

Lets talk about LOVE

I know I maybe slightly go a little tiny bit overboard with bragging about my Daniel, but since its my blog, and my journal...I think its good for my kids to know how great their daddy is in his role as a husband, so I tell it like it is.
I am not a big Valentines Day fan...I try to make it fun for the kids and try to come up with some small gesture to let Daniel know how much I love and appreciate him, (like vandalizing his car) (dont ask) but I like the ordinary day gestures best..I dont care so much about flowers on Valentines day- although Daniel does get them for me..and I wont refuse chocolate any day either..which Daniel does as well..but what I really love about my Daniel is that he really puts his heart and soul into our relationship, and to being "there" for me, even/especially when there are a few bumps in the road.

I have been more emotional with this pregnancy than I have been with any of my others. I seriously cry all the time, which is making me think I'm crazy cuz I'm not too big on crying. "It gives me a headache"-(famous quote by Sister Hinckley ringing a bell?!!!) but seriously- my hormones have been so wack for the past 29 weeks and I cry all the flippin time. When we were in the mess of renovating, I went over to the old house to pack some things up, leaving Daniel, my dad, and our kids at the new house. (I kinda needed a break from my wild ones, and Daniel thought I wouldnt "over-do it"  while packing stuff up, like I had been trying to renovate at the new house. Anyway.. after a couple of hours I was burned out- it was late, we had been working for over a week and had been doing late nights and were all off the routine and I just became overwhelmed thinking how much more we had to do, and was feeling like a bad mom since my kids werent getting all the attention they usually get from me, and I just sunk to the floor and sobbed for a good 15 minutes. I was feeling so alone, and just overwhelmed and in that moment decided to pray. And I told my father how I was feeling and let it all out... and pleaded for some help. Not 5 minutes later my sweet Daniel came in. How I love the quote "Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers, but it's usually through another person that he takes care of our needs." I believe with all my heart he sent my sweet Daniel over to comfort me in that moment. And Daniel just hugged me for a good 10 minutes while I cried on his shoulder. Never once making me feel bad for "loosing it." Never once making me feel like the crazy psycho pregnant woman I am. Just loving me and then helped me load up some boxes to take over to the new house. SO again.. i love that Daniel is "there" for me. And its on the days and in the ways I need it most.

Secondly- I love how thoughtful my Daniel is. I seriously dont know how I got so lucky to be with this guy. HE is the most thoughtful, caring, selfless guy and many times over I realize I really dont deserve him. I just really really lucked out. Again..in the chaos of renovating, Daniel was getting up early to go to work, and tried cramming his usual 10 hour daily work load into 5, so he could get off and come spend all afternoon and evening working on the new house. once i got my oldest 2 off to school, I would load up snacks and what not and bring the other 2 over and let them play in the backyard while I worked on chiseling away old shower tiles, shoveling rocks(dont ask), prepping/masking for paint, and clean up. By the time each day was done we were all exhausted. And my dang back would be killing me, and the one thing that wanted above all else was to soak in a hot bath to ease some of the intense pain I was feeling...but the dang water heater went out, so we had several nights of freezing cold quick showers before we could get it replaced. But my sweet Daniel- who was exhausted himself, knew I was in pain and knew that some slight relief would come with a hot bath, so he got out all the pots and pans and boiled the freezing cold water a hundred times over to fill up that bathtub-(he carried each one up the stairs each time to pour it in the tub- seriously he went up and down those stairs at least 50 times)-- all so I could get a few moments of relief. Who does that? He was so tired himself and dealt with the cold shower and Im sure he just really wanted to sleep, but instead he did that for me..without my asking.  if thats not love- I dont know what is.
So yes I brag about my Daniel..but really- how could I not? I write it down so that my kids know how incredible their daddy is and in hopes my boys will one day grow up to be like their dad. After all the world could use a few more like him...perhaps thats why we are getting "blessed" with so many boys...(im still trying to wrap my brain around having another boy join the ranks in a few more weeks.!! One more trimester to go....)

Feels like Home

Good news!!! We are in our new house, and I must say I LOVE IT! What a crazy few weeks we had, but now that we are settled, unpacked, organized, all fresh and clean and new, and everything is almost just how I want it, I can say the adventure of getting to this point was well worth it!!!
We had many late nights, many early mornings, and trying to do it while maintaining some sense of normalcy for the kids was quite the challenge. I had a few emotional breakdowns during the process, but seeing as how we were renovating one house, trying to pack up clean and move out of another, move into the new one, deal with broken collarbones, having the water heater in the old house go out a week before moving out, continue to try to get homework done, piano practiced, people fed and taken care of all while sporting my ginormous pregnant belly...well it could have been worse. :) Thankfully we have some great friends/ward members and thankfully my Daniel was very supportive and patient through it all.

                                                                    Kylies room-

                                               The office-- my dad had it up in no time at all. He is
                                                     pretty amazing if I do say so myself!

                                          The front room--now the perfect size in my opinion!

                                     The kitchen- eventually we will replace that dishwasher and fridge and go
                                       with an all stainless steel look...but we have to work up our savings                                                                            accounts before we can splurge. :)

                                                             The kids "ducky" bathroom
                                                  (its hard to see the detail with my camera phone,
                                         but believe me, the tile looks amazing, especially considering
                                                       how gross those tiny tiles and black grout was!)

                                                    the trampoline that is now in the ground!
                                                     My boys loved watching grandpa use
                                                           the backhoe to dig the hole.

                                                        Small part of the family room
                                                     (all new carpet, paint & trim! Lovin it!)

I took some before pictures, but now cant find the SD card they are on, and I was gonna take some after pictures with my awesome camera, but unfortunately my camera  bag wasn't zipped up and got knocked over and my camera fell out and busted. (I am seriously so depressed over that right now!!!) So I took some after shots with my phone instead.
The previous owners had a dog, so I wasn't too thrilled with the old gross dog infused hair and germ ridden carpet. The bathrooms had those small white cheap tiles with the grout that was once white, but after a few years turned black, so it was disgusting and yucky, the kitchen, laundry room, and bathrooms all had cheap gross old linoleum flooring, the paint was ugly and old, the window coverings were yucky , dirty and old. And the front room was just a big wide open waste of space to me...so we (and by we I mean my awesome dad) first built an office, and cut the front room down to a more appropriate size, we repainted, re tiled the bathtubs, shower, and the bathroom and laundry room floors, we put some laminate down in the office and kitchen, re carpeted, got some new blinds-(we looked into shutters as I love the look of shutters, but holy smokes shutters are so dang expensive!!!) put in some ceiling fans, and even got the backyard set up a bit more to my liking.  My awesome dad even put in some shoe shelves for us in the garage, and some shelves in the kids closets, and after all that and a very thorough scrub down, we unpacked, organized and are seriously in love with our home. But now that the house is looking so great, Daniel and I are thinking we are gonna need to replace our old furniture sometime soon. If only our tax refund was gonna be bigger. I am missing George Bush's economic stimulation checks... :)
Now we get to prepare for our little Phineas. My kids are worried he is gonna be bigger than our house since my protruding abdomen is getting bigger than our house apparently. Sometimes I am not a fan of the honesty of a child. My dad thought I was due next month as he thought i was looking ready to pop. And even my Dr made a gesture at my last appointment suggesting that I am looking very pregnant. (I'm kinda surprised since he is a ob- one would think he would play cautiously to the fragile emotions of a pregnant woman)- but there is no escaping it. I'm humongous. At least Daniel tells me I'm not. Bless him. He is just so good to me.