Sunday, May 15, 2011

For the record

I dont know why I feel the need to put the disclaimer- but I use my blog as my journal, and I need some kind of record of my babys arrival into this world, so I put it here, not so much to entertain anyone else, but for my own history. So if you read my blog, you have been warned..this probably wont be interesting to you...but feel free to skim through the pictures!

So the last month of my pregnancy I stopped gaining weight and then started losing weight. At first the baby was measuring fine, but then he stopped growing too. My dr put me on a high calorie diet, but even with that I was still loosing weight. So 2 weeks before my due date, the dr ordered an u/s, and they diagnosed my baby with IUGR. I had the same thing with Ben, and he was fine, so I wasnt too worried. But even so, if your baby isnt growing it does cause some concern..even though I felt like everything was gonna be fine. Since my baby was in the 6th percentile, my dr said he wouldnt have to induce me right then, but wouldnt let me go over my due date, and again kept me on a high caloric diet. And then he ordered the bi-weekly NST's on top of the other weekly appts, just to keep a close eye on this little one.

The Sunday before my due date, we went to church as usual, and all throughout church I was contracting. Daniel offered to take me home, but since they werent close enough together, I figured what was the we finished up with church and then the rest of the day I kept contracting but again, the contractions werent close enough together to indicate labor. That night though, I started getting contractions one on top of the other, but with each contraction my chest and arms started going numb. This freaked me out as I had something similar happen when I was in labor with Tyler and they found my potassium levels were "dangerously low" (since I had my first 2 pregnancies back to back and my body hadnt had a period of building back up, and then everything just went to my baby.)  So when this happened I knew something wasnt right...but as it was 1 in the morning at this point I didnt want to call anyone and disturb them to have them come over so we could go to the hospital...but then with each contraction the numbing spread into my head and down my legs too. SO I had Daniel give me a blessing, and decided if I had another contraction I would bite the bullet and find someone, but if I didnt then I would wait until the morning...thankfully I didnt have any more that night, and was able to sleep for a couple of hours.

After getting my kids to school, I called the dr office and they wanted me to see one of the drs. I was scheduled for one of my NSTs at one, so they scheduled a dr appt right after that. The NST took 30 minutes, and then I had to wait for 3 flippin hours to see the dang dr. I explained what had been going on, and what I suspected since I had the same thing happen with a previous pregnancy. Anyway he checked me and I was at a 4..which I was surprised about cuz it's usually after I get to a 3 that things have happened quickly for me. But I hadnt been contracting since that previous night. Anyway the dr sent me to triage so they could run some tests. I quickly came home, found an angel of a friend to watch the kids, and Daniel and I got to spend several hours in triage.
Thankfully my dr was the one on call. They ran some blood tests, and the nurse came in, said my electrolytes were "slightly out of balance," and the dr wanted them to start an IV and keep it going all they moved me to a room, Daniel left to get the kids, and I got to spend all night with an IV in my arm and a nurse coming in to check vitals every couple of hours...basically I didnt get much sleep.
Anyway around 4 in the morning my Dr came in and we had a nice little chat-(can I just say I hate being in a hospital gown, just waking up after not having had a decent sleep, not having brushed my teeth or having a shower or having my makeup on, and having to be "seen" by anyone. I'm so vain...but geez I felt really embarrassed.) Anyway he told me my electrolytes werent "slightly out of balance" but "crazy, scary out of balance." So what he wanted to do was stabalize me(meaning keeping that iv pumping stuff through my veins for a few more hours, then doing blood tests again, then if i was within a more normal range, they would start the pitocin and induce labor.
I let Daniel know the plan, and 2 of our sweet/gracious/selfless/thoughtful/generous/and oh so kind friends/cousins/neighbors,ward members took care of our kids again. One helped the 2 oldest get ready for school-(doing Kylies hair :)) and then picked them up afterwards and took care of them until later that evening, the other took the 2 youngest ALL day long after having had them for several hours the night before. I seriously cant imagine what we would have done without their help. It was seriously INVALUABLE!!!!
So Daniel got the kids dropped off, and came and spent the day with me in the hospital. Since it was a new day, my dr was no longer on call, and so I had another dr whom i dont really like instead, and the punk came in once for literally 2 minutes that morning to tell me he was the dr on call and that they would start the pitocin in 4 hours.(This was already after they did the blood test again and moved me to Labor & Delivery.) 5 hours later they finally started the pitocin, and they had it on the slowest dang drip. Daniel and I were both very tempted to crank that baby up and get some action going since we had been sitting around waiting all morning and now all afternoon long. Every hour or so, the nurse increased the drip, but even on a higher drip I wasnt contracting at all. At 5 pm, the Dr comes in-(he hadnt been in at all since that  2 minute visit in the morning)and decides to break my water. Finally! So he does that, leaves, and not even a minute later the contractions came strong and hard and right on top of each other. So not liking pain, and not knowing how long I was going to be in labor, I was able to ask for my epidural..(with my other deliveries, I had the epidural long before the drs ever broke my water, so for the first time, I was actually in tremendous pain during labor. I dont know how anyone ever survived without the epidural..or how some women dont get the epidural...LABOR AND DELIVERY HURTS LIKE HECK!!!!) So here I am contracting like a banshee, and the dr doing the epidural is like, "hold still, dont move," and I'm like yeah right- I am in PAIN here---but somehow we managed and my legs went numb, but the pain didnt go away-- I was expecting the numbness to take the edge off and was hoping to only feel pressure but not pain--but unfortunately I was "AT A 10" on the pain scale. So the nurse checks me--(this is 40 minutes after the dr broke my water) and I was at a 9-- so she calls for the dr, they get the other 2 nurses and they bring back my Daniel(they sent him out while i got the epidural) and my teeny tiny baby was born. I was thinking- geez if i had held on for 10 more minutes I wouldnt have to pay for that dang epidural that didnt work anyway. and why didnt the dr break my water several hours ago- I could have spent my afternoon holding my baby instead of lying on a dang hospital bed just "waiting."
First thing the baby did was pee on the dr. (I'm thinking- thats my boy- dang dr is gonna charge us a fortune and the nurse is the one who was taking care of us- he was just there to catch the little guy- i kid, i kid...kind of) and then I got to hold my precious baby. but then they took him away a minute later and did all his weighing and measuring stuff. He was 5lbs15 oz, 18 and 3/4 in long(he's my shortest one...(I'm hoping he gets his daddys tall genetics in his teenage years)) And he is just perfect; ten seriously tiny fingers--which are incredulously long for being sooooo teeny, 10 teeny perfect little toes, a sweet little mouth and a perfect little nose, big round eyes, a little bit of dark hair...and just the sweetest spirit one could imagine. Dang I love this baby.

Anyway after taking pictures, and just marveling at this new little life, Daniel went to get me some dinner-( i hadnt eaten for like 36 hours and was DYING for something to eat, and got the kids and brought them to meet the newest member of our family. They were all so sweet taking turns holding him. It was a very tender moment for me- being in that room with my little family...brought me to tears...of course my hormones were wacky given that i just gave birth a couple hours earlier- but it was a moment I will cherish always.
Daniel then took the kids home, and my postpartum nurse came in and holy moly was this lady a character. She very much knew this was my 5th baby as we talked about it, but she went through every single detail of childcare and recovery with me as if I had never done this before. She literally showed me how to change a diaper, how to check the babys temperature, how to burp the baby, how to care for the umbilical chord, how to nurse, and all sorts of other things-- she didnt leave my room until 2 am----and came back  an hour and a half later to do vitals again! so by Wednesday morning I was beyond ready to get out of that hospital and get some sleep and get back to my routine, but the dang pediatrician wouldnt let me leave until 24 hours exactly, after time of birth arrived. Blasted all- so I had yet another entire day of no sleep, nurses and drs coming in and out, and then finally the hour arrived, and we came home.
my sweet Daniel had cleaned the house, and my sweet sweet friend had come over with the little boys the day before and had tied some adorable balloons to the chairs and had the cutest packages on the table-it was just a sweet homecoming.
We fed the kids and got them ready for bed, and then the falling aparts happened. They all loved the baby, but they all needed so much reassurance and at this point i was beyond wasted and my hormones levels were crashing and Daniel and I were feeling very overwhelmed... so that night wasnt too fun, but thursday was alright, Friday was ok, and Saturday my dear parents came to the rescue.
My mom has a herniated disc in her back, and has been in extreme pain this past month, and we werent sure if she was going to be able to come down, but miraculously things worked out and even though she still is in constant pain, it wasnt quite as severe as it had previously been. One of my awesome brothers ararnged to fly them down here, and we got spoiled for an entire week. My kids got so much love and attention, grandma helped with homework, and loved and held the baby, she took over so I could catch up on some sleep, watched the kids so I could get dr appointments and errands done, and even kept me up on my laundry and dishes-(even though I told her a million times not to) Grandpa helped fix a few things around the house, and helped us with our dang sprinkler system that we havent had time to figure out since we moved into this house, and played many a games with the kids as well. Their help got us through this past week, no doubt. But now that they are back home, and we are facing this week without them, I am starting to get a little panicky. Daniel and I think my mom should just move in with us for a while. :)
Anyway- this baby is just the sweetest little guy. He is so calm and peaceful. He has an aura of wisdom about him...Daniel was trying to come up with a name that tied into "wise one." :)  The kids all love him and love holding him and giving him hug and kisses. I, too, love holding him and smelling him and just having him here. Truly his presence in our home and in our family has had a calming effect on me. The miracle of life never ceases to amaze me and strengthen my testimony that Heavenly Father is in charge, that He is aware, that He is brilliant, and that He is the source of life and of love. How grateful I am that He sent this one to me. How grateful I am that things went ok- the scary thing to me is that I could have gone into labor sunday night and could have suffered a heart attack with things being out of balance, and considering that I was at a 4 for over 24 hours and hadnt gone into labor but was able to get things stabalized before hand, I believe my Heavenly Father allowed me to have the time I needed to get things back in balance, and allowed things to work out for our family the way they did. It's pretty miraculous to me, and I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven for the miracles i have witnessed in my life. And I am so thankful that my sweet Daniel holds the priesthood and was able to use that gift at the time we needed Heavenly Fathers help.
And now I think it is safe to say this sweet baby boy finally has his name. He was gonna be Phineas, then Jaxon, then Matthew, but for one reason or another those names just werent for him, so after switching and discussing a million times over, we finally settled on Joshua Daniel Jackson. And man o man are we in love with him!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers Day

On this beautiful day, as I sit here holding my teeny tiny baby cuddled up on my chest, my heart is so full, that it's ready to burst. This year, so far, has been a bit of a whirlwind for our family. We bought our house, renovated(well mostly that was my dad, but we helped out where we could), moved in, Daniel switched companies with his work, we've been growing a baby, raising 4 other kids, and now here it is May and we are now a family of 7!
I have written posts about my feelings of adding another boy to our home, written how I questioned my Father in Heavens plan for our the thought was overwhelming many, many, many times as we were expecting this little one.
But now that this absolutely precious boy is here, I honestly cant imagine loving anyone more. In the 5 days he has been alive, there has been such a peace and calmness that arrived in my usually anxiety ridden/OCD-ed heart. There is (amid the frustrations from everyone adjusting here and there(ie:fighting, whining, temper tantrums, basically just needing a little reassurance and love and attention)) a new feeling of love and a new little piece of heaven in our home.
And as today is a day devoted to celebrating the wonderful blessing of mothers/motherhood, my mind has been constantly drawn into a prayer of Thanksgiving to my Father in Heaven for allowing my pathetic weak self to have the blessing of having Kylie, Tyler, James, Ben, and now my sweet  Baby Matty to be a mother to.
There are many nights before climbing into bed that I think "well today was a BIG FAILURE on my part! I yelled at the kids, lost my temper, overreacted to something stupid, spent too much time cleaning my house instead of playing games with my kids, too much time nagging about homework and not nearly enough hugs or "love yous!" But even so, I do try, ...each day I try to do a little better because mothering is the most important job to me in the world. There is absolutely NOTHING that I would rather be doing, even though it is so hard sometimes, so overwhelming, so under-appreciated, so worrisome, so emotionally involved, so draining,  and sometimes even a little bit lonely, but it's also the most joyful, precious, hilarious, and sacred gift i can imagine.
These sweet children that have been sent to Daniel and I do seem to teach us more than we seem to teach them, but while they are in their youth, we are so grateful that we get to be the ones watching them learn and grow, being the ones who protect them, being the ones that try to teach them, being the ones that get to hold them, sing to them, celebrate with them, tuck them in at night and then yell down the hall for them to "STOP TALKING AND GO TO SLEEP!," the ones who grind our teeth when we've told them to stop tattling, or fighting, or wrestling, or told them for the seemingly millionth time to clean up that mess, yet also the ones who get the hugs, or the snuggles, or the "you re my favorite, mommy/daddy!" Really- how does life get any sweeter than the precious moments of mother&father-hood?
So yes, my heart is full today, and what makes it even more special is that for the first time since I became a mom, my own dear mother is here with me and my family today. As I watch her hold my baby, watch her talk to, play with, and love my kids, I have to hold back the tears. There are 3 constants in my life- the first being my Savior. The 2nd my dear mother, and the 3rd, my Daniel. I've written lots about how much i love, adore, appreciate, and sometimes even get frustrated with my Daniel. I have written a few posts sharing little parts of my testimony  and love of my Savior. And I have written a post or 2 about my dear mom..but words really can't express how deep my gratitude/love/&admiration for this amazing woman goes. Like Ive shared before, she has this gift of loving..this perfect charity. Her testimony and faith has brought many miracles into my life, and the lives of my siblings. Her perfect mothering, her gentle encouraging, her never failing support... She is, next to the Savior, the most perfect example I have to follow. It is my goal to be the mother to my kids, that she has been and will always be to me. I don't know why I got so lucky, so blessed to have her as my mother, but again, I thank my Father in Heaven that I did/do.
And now that this post has taken me 2 hours to do..(since I'm doing it one handed as I have a sleeping tiny baby in my other) I think i shall finally lay him down and go take a shower. :)