Thursday, March 25, 2010

"I 2!"

The Bennie-booger is 2! We celebrated Bens birthday yesterday. We usually celebrate birthdays in the evening. We let the kids pick their favorite dinner, then we do the gifts, and then their cake. But Daniel was teaching a class last night, so we did things a little differently. We celebrated much earlier in the evening, with presents first, then cake before dinner. But Ben didnt care. He was happy as a 2 year old could be. He kept saying "appy birday, yay" over and over, and when we asked him how old he is he replied, "i 2!!!" He was literally all smiles.
Some things we love about our Bennie-boo:
Ben has been a snuggler from birth. Even being the busy bodied 2 year old that he is, he still loves snuggles and I cant get enough.
Ben is just a happy kid. Aside from the occasional temper tantrums, Ben runs around with a smile all day long. He is just genuinely happy 97% of the time.
Ben is so loving. Anytime anyone cries in this family, Ben is there giving them loves. It seriously melts my heart.
Ben is so easy to get to laugh, and his laugh makes the rest of us laugh.
Ben is the destroying angel. He loves to get into everything and makes GINORMOUS messes in the matter of seconds, but he's so stinking happy that its really hard not to laugh at him. He's so proud of himself when he's managed to empty out the fridge and is covered in ketchup, ranch, or pickle juice and cramming "m ms" into his mouth. And he always offers to share those "m ms"- he's just so generous. :)
Ben loves to jump. And its hilarious watching him do it. He goes around saying "ump ump ump" while jump jump jumping. My all time favorite is when he jumps jumps jumps and then his feet slip right out, and he falls on his little butt, then looks up smiling saying "wowie wowie!" I think he means owie owie, but its a very impressive stunt, so wowie explains it quite well.
Anyway-we are so thankful Ben is a part of our family. He's definitely a keeper.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

what could have been

***Warning- this post is a little personal***
Feel free to not read it. I wont mind. ;)

This past weekend we decided to head out to San Diego. I will say it a hundred times over- one of the greatest things about living in this desert wasteland is that its just a hop skip and a jump to drive there from here.
We spent the day exploring balboa park and loved it. We listened to a really awesome street musician play, checked out their botanical garden, splashed around in the big fountain, played at the science museum and watched the IMAX about dolphins. What a day!

Only it was a little bittersweet as I spent the day having a miscarriage.

Last August Daniel and I felt good about adding to our "herd." So I went in to get my IUD out, they couldnt find it, September I had another appointment where they still couldnt find it. October I had a CT scan where they actually found it, then had my preop, then in November had that fun little surgery to get it taken out.
Since then we have been trying for our baby girl. With my other babies, I havent even had to try getting pregnant. Its just happened. Even when I was preventing some of them. This time I thought it was gonna be kind of the same. And sure enough, I took a pregnancy test not very long ago and it was positive.
So Daniel and I (mostly "I", as Daniel doesnt really feel like its "real" for him until he can feel the little rascal do some in-utero gymnastics) start planning and thinking about the future with our new little one. I was certain she was gonna be our baby girl. She was gonna be due early November. I figured we would have my Uncle do an ultrasound for us when I was 16 weeks so Daniel could have proof that she was indeed a girl. I thought about how this coming Christmas was gonna be her first. I was scheming of ways to make sure we could keep my mom down here for a few weeks after the baby would arrive, and part of that included having my mom here for Thanksgiving. I was thinking about how fun it would be to tell the kids their little prayers for a baby sister had been answered-(after the 16 week ultrasound of course). Just lots of plans for this year. I had even made a stop into the baby girls section of Target and almost bought a cute little dress, but figured it was the wrong season for my baby. (and ok, there was a slim chance "she" could have been "he," but I figure I'm due for a girl. Plus my new motto is "doubt not, but be believing. hehehe :))
So as my hormones have been a little wacky, I've been a little emotional and am rather disappointed, but here's the thing, I know I have NO right to complain. I've been blessed with 4 healthy albeit CRAZY babies. And I most likely will be able to conceive again in a few months,(please be a girl, please be a girl)but my little selfish self wanted things to go according to MY plans for right now. (well i hadnt accounted for a rouge IUD, so that threw me off several months from my original plan, but hey- I can be adjustable. Just not so much so after Ive had 2 pink lines on the stick show up.)
SO even though I know I have no right to complain, I complained anyway. I shed a few tears yesterday -(me thinks wacked hormones played a part in my wacked out emotions) and kinda took an abrupt attitude in my prayers last night. Now, I know better than to be upset with my Heavenly Father. But again- hormones- so I knelt to pray and was a little bit ornery.
But then this morning as I snuck a few minutes away from my hyperactive wild ones, I cracked open my scriptures, again, a little ornerily, and by chance, happened to read Proverbs 3:5-6. I quote "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy paths."
My disappointment has been turned into hope. My attitude has been gently humbled. My spirit has felt the assurance that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me. And His plan is better than my plan. I just need to trust. And so I will.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Lost it

Have you ever felt like "you've lost that blogging feeling, oh that blogging feeling. you've lost that blogging feeling, now its gone, gone, gone, woah oh oh oh!"
My mother starts to worry about me if I don't blog at least once a week. And seeing as how its been almost 2 weeks,(actually only a week and a half but we like to round up) I figured I better get on it today.
Last week Daniel was out of town for a mortgage conference of sorts. Ive learned a few things while doing the single parenting thing. One is that my house miraculously stays a little bit cleaner when he's gone. 2 is that I have a little more patience with the kids when I know I'm doing it all by myself. Nights when I expect Daniel to be home at 6 and he doesn't get here until 7, I loose my patience soo much more quickly. 3 is that my poor boys need an outlet for their insane amount of energy and without daddy to wrestle and body slam with, they end up even more crazy than usual and by the time they are in bed, they still haven't worn themselves out and it takes over an hour of tossing and turning before they finally tucker out for the night. 4 is that its no fun to hang out with myself at nights. Its really lonely. And even watching Lost lost its magic as i couldn't gasp with Daniel and scream at the evil lock-ness monster together. And lastly- i think i need to shrink cuz i cant sleep without Daniel. I need him to protect me from the boogie man. Its ridiculous. Im 30 flippin years old and Im afraid of the boogie man. I was awake until 3 am every night lying in bed freaked out of my mind with every noise I heard and praying as hard as I could that i wasnt going to get slashed to bits by some crazy burglar psycho killer. So I'm really grateful Daniel is now home to protect me. And I'm really glad he doesnt have a job that requires him to travel very often.

So in other news, the boys finally got haircuts. Its been since January since they got trimmed up, so they were shaggy beyond belief. Its amazing how their looks change with a nice cut. And it was really nice to chat with Shami. James is now in love with her as she "rescued" him. My boys like to go barefoot, so while they had shoes on when we drove over there, they quickly kicked them off before we arrived and since we were just getting haircuts, i figured they'd be fine. They first came in and went to play, but then ended up outside. Shamis house is the only house in their subdivision at the moment, so all around them are empty lots with weeds and desert sagebrush and lots and lots of thorns. So after a few minutes, Ben comes crying into the house and Toast tells me he has bloody feet, so I pick him up and sure enough he had a bloody foot. 5 full thorns were just completely smashed into his feet, and he had lots of little tiny ones that must have broken off on his walk back to the house. That night I counted all his poke marks and he had over 30 on one foot alone. Tragic. So while I was helping my Ben, Toast was worried and I asked him what was up and he says, "you need to get James!" So Shami being the wonder-woman she is, takes off and finds James like 4 lots down howling in agony. She carried him back and quickly got to work tweezing out all his thorns too. Quite the adventure. So now James keeps telling me the following phrases at least once an hour: "Shami rescued me mom! Shes my first best friend!" "Mom, Shami pulled out my thorns and made me better." "Mommy I was dead meat and had ten hundred owies, but Shami saved me!" We are definitely thankful for the superhero Shami this week.

And last but not least, I am a SCHMO! Friday night and Saturday morning I received several calls from our ward secretary. Poor guy doesn't know that I have a morbid fear of answering my phone. Anyway he called like ten hundred times. He even called Daniel, and Daniel guilted me into calling him back. So the guy asks me to give the closing prayer in sacrament meeting for the next day. I say yes, but instantly my guts get all knotted up cuz I HATE being in front of people. And I am still trying to get over my embarrassment from like 3 Sundays ago when i made a comment that didnt even make sense in relief society .( i really did have a much more interesting comment, but I cant seem to make my mouth and brain connect when talking in front of people. its a curse.)So for the rest of the day I was rather tense thinking about it. really- its not that big of a deal, but like I said- I'm cursed. I probably would end up praying for Satan to have a change of heart or something- there is no guarantee my prayer will be appropriate. SO Sunday early morning we got a fantastic rain storm. I woke up around 4 and listened to the rain for a while, but then fell back asleep and Daniel and I ended up sleeping in until 9. The kids had all woken up several hours prior, but had gone downstairs to have some alone time without mommy telling them what not to do. SO we have a home alone wake up scene, except Daniel laughs while I scream/panic, and then I figure we will never make it if I have to get everyone dressed and hair done and i still have to get them breakfast and pack a diaper bag and i hadn't ironed the boys clothes yet either, so I decided they were gonna get out of church free, on account of me trying to keep my word about giving the dang prayer. So I get myself ready, and rush out the door. I got to church at 9:40. plenty of time before the prayer. But the dang chapel door was closed. I was hoping i could have slipped in quietly and unnoticed on the bench nearest the door, but as the door was closed, I would have had to open it and then i wouldnt have been so inconspicuous. So I sat on the couch in the foyer, trying to talk myself into opening the flippin door. yes i am Psychotic to the extreme! Anyway i sat a little too long and the poor member of the bishopric that was conducting was texting a few members trying to find someone else to fill in cuz i was no where in his line of vision(good to know he doesnt have xray vision. I have often wondered if thats one of those gifts members of bishoprics receive when they are called cuz sometimes when they are on the stand and I have a guilty conscience it seems like they glare right at me with xray vision and then im like- oh carp! they know i didnt do my visiting teaching just with their soul xraying vision gift.) But anyway he found someone else and then after the someone else offered the closing prayer I slipped back out the church doors and drove home to relate my tale to Daniel, who laughed and told me he loves me. Glad i married someone who can think my psychosisness is another reason to love me. he's one in a bajillion! Anyway I texted the guys wife asking her to please tell her husband i'm sorry. I tried. which she did. But now that I have come to grips with my schmoness- I am thinking maybe its a good thing this happened cuz now they'll definitely be thinking twice about what calling i get next.