Sunday, May 8, 2011
I have written posts about my feelings of adding another boy to our home, written how I questioned my Father in Heavens plan for our family...how the thought was overwhelming many, many, many times as we were expecting this little one.
But now that this absolutely precious boy is here, I honestly cant imagine loving anyone more. In the 5 days he has been alive, there has been such a peace and calmness that arrived in my usually anxiety ridden/OCD-ed heart. There is (amid the frustrations from everyone adjusting here and there(ie:fighting, whining, temper tantrums, basically just needing a little reassurance and love and attention)) a new feeling of love and a new little piece of heaven in our home.
And as today is a day devoted to celebrating the wonderful blessing of mothers/motherhood, my mind has been constantly drawn into a prayer of Thanksgiving to my Father in Heaven for allowing my pathetic weak self to have the blessing of having Kylie, Tyler, James, Ben, and now my sweet Baby Matty to be a mother to.
There are many nights before climbing into bed that I think "well today was a BIG FAILURE on my part! I yelled at the kids, lost my temper, overreacted to something stupid, spent too much time cleaning my house instead of playing games with my kids, too much time nagging about homework and not nearly enough hugs or "love yous!" But even so, I do try, ...each day I try to do a little better because mothering is the most important job to me in the world. There is absolutely NOTHING that I would rather be doing, even though it is so hard sometimes, so overwhelming, so under-appreciated, so worrisome, so emotionally involved, so draining, and sometimes even a little bit lonely, but it's also the most joyful, precious, hilarious, and sacred gift i can imagine.
These sweet children that have been sent to Daniel and I do seem to teach us more than we seem to teach them, but while they are in their youth, we are so grateful that we get to be the ones watching them learn and grow, being the ones who protect them, being the ones that try to teach them, being the ones that get to hold them, sing to them, celebrate with them, tuck them in at night and then yell down the hall for them to "STOP TALKING AND GO TO SLEEP!," the ones who grind our teeth when we've told them to stop tattling, or fighting, or wrestling, or told them for the seemingly millionth time to clean up that mess, yet also the ones who get the hugs, or the snuggles, or the "you re my favorite, mommy/daddy!" Really- how does life get any sweeter than the precious moments of mother&father-hood?
So yes, my heart is full today, and what makes it even more special is that for the first time since I became a mom, my own dear mother is here with me and my family today. As I watch her hold my baby, watch her talk to, play with, and love my kids, I have to hold back the tears. There are 3 constants in my life- the first being my Savior. The 2nd my dear mother, and the 3rd, my Daniel. I've written lots about how much i love, adore, appreciate, and sometimes even get frustrated with my Daniel. I have written a few posts sharing little parts of my testimony and love of my Savior. And I have written a post or 2 about my dear mom..but words really can't express how deep my gratitude/love/&admiration for this amazing woman goes. Like Ive shared before, she has this gift of loving..this perfect charity. Her testimony and faith has brought many miracles into my life, and the lives of my siblings. Her perfect mothering, her gentle encouraging, her never failing support... She is, next to the Savior, the most perfect example I have to follow. It is my goal to be the mother to my kids, that she has been and will always be to me. I don't know why I got so lucky, so blessed to have her as my mother, but again, I thank my Father in Heaven that I did/do.
And now that this post has taken me 2 hours to do..(since I'm doing it one handed as I have a sleeping tiny baby in my other) I think i shall finally lay him down and go take a shower. :)