Monday, April 6, 2009

Virus, Birds and Adventures

I dont know if this post will post as my computer has a virus which Daniel has been trying to get rid of, but this one is a doozy, making anything that should take me 30 minutes to do turn into an all day project, such as blogging- but as I need to keep a record of things I will make an attempt anyway.

I have been feeling like a failure as a mother the past week. Some of it is just silly, like James’s sudden interest in fingernail polish and makeup. If I don’t paint his nails-(of course he is insistent that I paint them BRIGHT pink) he will do it himself. And then the makeup- he keeps climbing up on the counter in the master bathroom and gets into my make-up and then smears it all over his arms and face and its starting to scare me a little cuz I really don’t want this kid to start dressing in drag now nor anytime in the future. I get this little voice in my head saying-he is 2 and a half so its not a big deal, but then I get another voice that’s like in 15 years if he becomes confused with his gender, his shrink will of course blame the mother and trace it back to his 2 and a half year old self. This is when I think I am not cut out to be a mom. But really- its just silliness. Don’t most 2 year old boys play with their mothers make-up?-(please someone tell me their boys play with make-up!!!)

But the not so silly parts are really freaking me out. My Toast is throwing me for a loop here. We have had several birds building nests in the rafters of our patio. Daniel went out there 2 weeks ago and started to spray them down, but stopped when one of the nests already had baby birds inside. Well the baby birds have grown a little each day and have lots of feathers and were even chirping. Then one fell. I am not sure if he was trying to fly or what but he fell and the kids came running in to tell me. So we went out there and I told them not to touch the baby bird- just let him hang out in his little spot, until daddy gets home from work. Then daddy will put him back up in the nest. They were all infatuated with the bird, but gave it its space. Skip ahead a few hours. The older 3 were outside playing, Bennie was playing with toys and I was reading blogs. Kylie comes running inside and tells me Tyler killed the baby bird. Shocked and confused I ran out there. First I had Kylie show me where the baby bird was, to really see if it was dead. It was and it was a gruesome sight to behold. So then I went to find Ty. He was, of course, hiding, and when I found him, the first words out of his mouth were, “Kylie did it! It was Kylie!” Right. I was really really disturbed and confused, and so I asked him why, but he didn’t answer me, and I didn’t know how to handle the situation, so I put him in time out and called my mom. I told her how I felt my son was evil and how I didn’t know what to do. She reassured me that he isn’t evil. She also suggested that I make him bury the baby bird. So after I vented, and she calmed me down, I went out to talk to my little boy. I again asked him why, but he didn’t have a reason. Anyway we talked for probably 15 minutes. Talked about how it was wrong to kill. We talked about Heavenly Father and Jesus, and how they created the animals and birds and even us, and that even though he made a mistake Heavenly Father still loves him. Anyway he felt awful, and I was actually glad to see that he had remorse cuz I really was a little worried this kid was of the devil or something- but then he went and apologized to the momma bird, then I made him bury the smashed carcass of that little bird, and then we went and prayed to apologize to Heavenly Father. His prayer was very sweet. And then I really did try to show an increased amount of love towards my boy. But I am still really disturbed that he actually killed the baby bird. I don’t know where he even came up with that awful idea. So I feel like an awful mother cuz we obviously missed teaching him the primary lesson #13 "I am thankful for birds"

So after that awful day, I really needed to shake that memory away by creating a new one. So I talked with Daniel, and he figured if he worked super late one night, we could take off the next day after some meetings he had. So thats what we did. We decided to go exploring the mountainous regions outside San Diego to try to find our perfect locale for our future cabin. While we searched, we still didnt find the right area, but we did find one very awesome park that had nobody else around. It was fabulous.

I really like little road trips. One the way to and fro its just so nice to have that time to talk with Daniel. I really really like that guy.

Friday night we had a movie night with some friends. Daniel set up his projector in their garage, and they had set up some couches, and camp chairs, and we brought our camping mats, and blankets, and with a few treat bags & popcorn, it was quite the night.

Then on Saturday and Sunday we enjoyed conference. I was a tad homesick in the fact that we were here as opposed to being in UT with all my siblings and parents, but maybe one day I can convince my honey that driving 14 hours each way for 2 days really would be worth it. (Can you see Daniels eye-roll/shaking of the head look?- its very similar to the one Kylie is portraying in the picture above)


Sarah Blue said...

You're not a bad mom.

1. Boys can wear makeup. It's okay. Think of all the actors that wear makeup. Plus every great boy Halloween costume requires makeup. Seriously! You can't be The Joker without a little red on your lips. And I've known LOTS of little boys who have their nails painted. It is tres chic! ;)

2. I wonder how Tyler killed the bird. If it was an accident or what. Because those little birds are super fragile and if Tyler picked it up to try and throw it back up to its nest (encouraging it to fly) well, that would have pretty bad results. So don't think he's evil. Little boys are super curious and don't always think through the consquences of their actions.

3. I want directions to the park you found. It looks wonderful!

Cook Zoo said...

I agree, you're not a bad mom at all, and your kids aren't weird or evil. I think the way you handled the bird situation was perfect. Who knows what exactly happened with the bird but I'm willing to bet he just didn't realize what he was doing. I seriously doubt there was any malice involved. His older siblings probably reacted in such a way that he realized he did something wrong, thus the reaction to hide and blame. The way you taught him what he needed to know was great. And this didn't happen because of some neglect on your part (LOL about lesson #13), so just put that right out of your mind. Things happen, kids do things. It's all okay. You're there to teach them, not to keep them from ever making a mistake or doing anything wrong.

That said, I can sympathize with feeling like a bad mom, all too well. But those feelings come from fears and insecurities within ourselves. It's not really based on reality. You're a great mom Kimmy. You really are. You just need to give yourself permission to feel it and believe it.

TAMMY said...

Girl, I have missed my blogging buddies lately. I feel out of the loop, it has been more than 3 weeks since I have been able to read everybody's. And what can I say, you had me laughing out loud! I love reading what you write.

I am glad that I am not the only one who has the thoughts you had. No, my son has not killed a bird, but has done lots of things comparable in my eyes and I have wondered, "seriously, is he devilish?" too. So I do laugh, because I really think boys are boys and just as when they are older, sometimes they just don't think or even have a reason!!

You are a great mom though and I know that they will all turn out fine. Now about the nails and make-up...

Tina said...

First, I love your cute pictures. Your family is truly photogenic. It is hardly fair, because ALL of you are!

I agree with the comments that came before. It is very likely that Tyler didn't mean to kill the bird. He couldn't understand how fragile a baby bird really is. That's what I think anyway.

I think you are a great mom!

Julie said...

You are such a good mom. I don't think I would have handled it that well. Sounds like you have a good mentor.

alison said...

The way you handled the situation proves you are a fantastic mom! I love the pictures too, Kylie's expression in the last one is hillarious! I also wouldn't worry about the make-up thing, most little boys I know who have sisters who get their nails painted or get to play with make-up really want to too, I am sure he will grow out of it before long. Have a wonderful Easter!

Stacie Robinson said...

Kimmy, you are a good mom! Wanting to do the right thing with Tyler instead of going off of your emotions proves it.
Sounds like you guys also had a great time that week.

Deck The HALLS of HOME with JOY! said...

Kimmy, I agree with all of the above comments! You are a great Mom! Boys will be boys! We've all had those thoughts! You will live through it all! =)

I also get homesick when we watch conference! Utah always looks so beautiful in the spring and fall!