Monday, September 20, 2010


Around 2:30 this morning I was rudely awakened by a loud WHAM, WHAM sound. I freaked out, shook Daniel- who also heard the noise but hadnt jumped like I had, and brilliantly asked him-"what was that?" I dont know what I expected him to say as he obviously would have no idea what that was either as he was sleeping just as I was, but apparently at 2:30 in the morning I ask ridiculous questions. Anyway he got up, checked on the kids, checked out the house and came back to bed, told me he didnt see anything out of the ordinary and quickly fell back asleep. I tossed and turned and tried to calm myself back down, but I heard a few more weird noises that kinda sounded to me like someone was trying to break into our house. Now, on both sides of us, our neighbors have dogs. Lots and lots of dogs. They bark ALL the time. Drives me crazy. (not as crazy as the dog crap on our lawn that happens everyday without any kind of an apology, and without the neighbor cleaning up after his dogs, but that gripe is not for this story. Although let me just say- if I sent my kids to crap on his lawn dontcha think it would be considered extremely rude especially if I sent them there every day, never ever cleaned up after them and never ever apologized!?! Whats wrong with the world today! Have some decency people! ) SO back to my story. The dogs bark - a lot! So I finally convinced myself that since the always barking dogs were for once not barking- there really must not have been an intruder and my own imagination was making up the weird sounds I was hearing- except the big WHAM, WHAM which woke me up in the first place, but I finally convinced myself that it must have been a  big bird that hit the door at an alarming speed a couple of times in the middle of the night, and finally fell back asleep. I apparently dont think very clearly in the middle of the night.
Daniel got up to go running a little before 5 am. I slept right through his alarm and didnt hear him leave, but had asked him before we went to bed to wake me up when he got back so that I could get up and do my yoga without having to be doggypiled on by my hooligans James and Ben. So he does, but usually if I ask Daniel to wake me up, he does it very gently so that half the time I fall back to sleep as soon as he gets into the shower. This time he was all super excited to wake me up cuz he had something to tell me. Still wanting to sleep, but wondering why he was so excited so early in the morning, I finally opened my eyes to hear his story.
So Daniel went running with his buddy, had a good run, came back, and was gonna lay down on the trampoline to chill for a minute before coming in and showering, but upon opening the back door he happened to see some unfamiliar shoes, and a few feet to the right, sprawled in the grass was a young woman snoring away. Puzzled, curious, and slightly apprehensive he went and poked the sleeping woman-(age 20 or so by his guess) but got not a response. So he pokes her again- saying "hello? who are you?" The lady with her eyes still closed replies "drinking." Daniel pokes her again a few more times and says "what are you doing here?" She replies "live here," and is snoring half a second later. Daniel pokes her again and says "I dont think so. Do you know where you are?" She sleepily says "live here" again and is back asleep in a split second yet again. Daniel pokes her some more and says "if you live here, what are the ages of the kids? She says "huh? what?" and finally opens her eyes, looks up at the house and was like "huh? oh!" Nothing like the threat of being responsible for a bunch of little ones to wake someone up I guess. So Daniel hands her her shoes, and after getting orientated enough to stand up, she walks past him, goes into our house through the backdoor, finds her way to the front door and walks out. Why she felt it was ok to walk through a strangers house instead of using the side gate, I dont know but I have a sneaking suspicion one doesnt think clearly when drunk. So Daniel quickly locks both doors, and then comes up to me laughing to tell the tale.
We figure the loud whams was her trying to get into the front door, and the other noises I heard was her probably trying to get into the back door, but after failing in her attempts, she must have passed out, drunk as a skunk, to sleep in the grass for a few hours.
So 2 questions- why didnt the stupid dogs bark when someone was noisily trying to get into our house in the middle of the night? What good is it to have those yappy dogs if they dont yap when there is something amiss, yet yap all the time when nothing is amiss? I would think that by putting up with all their "crap" they should at least do me the favor of barking when they are suppose to. Question 2- why do people drink? Honestly- I really wanna know.  From the smell of alcohol I cant imagine it being very tasty, and since it seems to turn seemingly normal people into looney tunes I dont get the reason of why people do it. I mean really- who wants to spend the night in someones pokey grass, covered with ants and spiders and crickets just cuz you are too drunk to even realize its not your own home? To me that doesnt sound like fun, nor does it sound cool. Sure it makes a good story for Daniel to tell, but for the poor drunk girl- I bet she has a nasty headache today, mixed with a few nasty bug bites.
So morale of the story kids-- I really dont think alcohol is your friend.


Megan said...

I've heard stories like this before.
To answer your question, I quote from my friend Becky, "We're all idiots." Some idiots just drink.

Glad you guys are all OK and have a great story to tell.

Beverly said...

Oh my word! That is too funny! (scary, but funny)

Sabra said...

That is just insane. I'm talking about the poop in the yard. The drunk lady is just plain funny.

Tina said...

I am disappointed in the dogs on every level...

Stacie Robinson said...

That's hilarious!


I don't even have words to describe!! This is sooo dang funny! It could totally be published in a magazine! Funny on all levels! Except the dogs of course. Lazy thangs!